How I met your mother - Stellaride AU story

Loosing it (2)

Kelly's pov

My eyes shoot open to the sound of yet another high pitched cry coming from Ezra, waking up and realising what happened was no nightmare and really happened, the overwhelming sadness kicking in as the memory of loosing my soul mate came flooding back.

I lie Stella back against the bed once again her still looking like she was sleeping peacefully, I kiss her forehead as I sit up with Ezra in my arms bouncing him gently to soothe him as I hear and feel him trump against my hand.

I look over and see our bags had been brought into the room some time whilst I was sleeping, I head over to Ezra's bag and take out a fresh diaper and some wipes, looking over at Stella as I chuckle "at least you got out of changing these dirty diapers" I say jokingly, my jokes and laughs normally being followed by Stella's contagious laugh, but instead the room falls silent as I exhale deeply.

"You better like my jokes mister" I say lying Ezra down on the changing station as I start to get him changed.

Once he's changed I look down at him, his eyes wide open as he looks up at the lights bringing his arms to his face as he sucks on his fist. I pull his hand away gently as he cries a little "you hungry again?" I ask him as he keeps trying to suck on his hand.

I turn around to go make him another bottle as I hear the door handle come down and the door open. I look over and see Boden stood at the door.

"Got the call Kelly? Came over as soon as I could" he says as I walk over to him and wrap my arms around him tightly, suddenly breaking down as he rubs my back. "They told me what happened when I got here, they didn't want to tell me over the phone just that you asked me to come here, I didn't want to believe it when they told me, they couldn't have been talking about our Stella" he says as I stand back "that was exactly what I said, she's survived it all chief, why not this? She was fine after and then she fell asleep and...never woke up, I shouldn't have let her sleep for so long maybe I could have saved her if I noticed sooner" I say as boden rubs my arm

"don't do that Kelly, don't blame yourself, this was unfortunately a terrible accident no one could have predicted" Boden says as he looks around. "So where's the little soldier" Boden says as I turn to the changing station as Boden sees him lay on his own and heads over to him "top tip, never leave them unsupervised" Boden says as he carefully picks Ezra up

"See I knew that...so why did I leave him on his own" I say leaning back against the wall "how am I supposed to look after a new born baby on my own, Stella is the natural parent I have no clue what I'm doing, I was relying on her for most of it and now she's...she's gone" I say running my hands over my face and through my hair.

Boden comes over and rubs my shoulder "you're not alone in this Kelly, all of 51 are here for you" he says as I look at him looking down at Ezra "he's a handsome little fella isn't he" Boden says as he rocks him slightly "he's all Stella, I think he's even going to have her eyes" I say looking down at him.

"Did she get to hold him and see him?" Boden asks turning to look at Stella "yeah she was besotted with him, I took him for my cuddles and that's when she fell asleep, what if I never took him off her maybe she would have felt herself bleeding and we c..." I say looking at Stella

"Kelly...I said don't do that" Boden says interrupting me as I groan banging my head back against the wall slightly "I just can't help it, this shouldn't have happened, it was barely 6 hours ago we was both on our way over here excited to meet our baby and finally become an official family of 3, how can we go from that to this so fast" I say getting worked up again as I lean up of the wall and start pacing back and forth.

"Kelly I unfortunately don't have the answer to that but what's important right now is this little one, you have to remember your son needs you more than anything, and I have no doubt you're going to be an amazing dad Kelly" Boden says as I look at him holding Ezra