fourteen (south park fanfiction)

Blades and Red Ink

Kyle didn't know how to feel about Stan's drug test. While he knew breaking up definitely hit Stan hard, he believed it was for the best. Maybe it would encourage Stan to do better with himself and push him forward.

Kyle also felt as if Stan was being selfish. Stan didn't't know Kyle was heartbroken as well, not only from Stan's drug use, but the fact he hid it as well. How could he not notice? What else could Stan be hiding?

Stan himself was in his own world. He felt as if his life and reputation just dropped from 100 to 0 in the span of a couple hours. He felt sick. He was going to be in this school for four years and yet his reputation is thrown in the trash. 

He didn't attend school the next day. Or the days after.  He looked a mess and he felt a mess. It was obvious he wasn't okay. Of course, he was too embarrassed to ask anybody for help.

Kyle dumping Stan was one thing, but it wasn't the main thing. He was upset mainly because so much just happened at once to him. So much that was his fault and he could've prevented from ever happening in the first place.

Since Randy was in current custody of Stan, he didn't really notice much of a personality change in Stan. Well, that was until Stan finally came out of his room, reeking.

Randy was in the farm, putting up some marijuana orders as Stan walked up to him.

"You really need to shower, Stan. You smell disgusting."

Stan yawned. "I will, it's only been a few days. Do you know if we have more vodka?"

"Nope, not until you shower. Once you shower I'll head to the store and pick some up." Randy bribed as Stan groaned. "Fine, I'll shower." He says, as he goes back into the house.

Stan wasn't ever really that depressed. Sure, he got upset or felt nothing at times, but this was different. 

He also wasn't a cutter either, never saw the point in it. But something in him right now wanted to just stab himself.

He grabbed a shaving razor and tried breaking the plastic off. His dad always bought the cheap ones, so that wasn't so hard to do. After a couple minutes of fidgeting with it, he got the blade out. He held the thin metal rectangular slab in his fingers and analyzed it. How could something so small hurt?

He went through with it and pushed the cold metal against his wrist, dragging it as the warm blood crept through the slit it made. This hurt a little physically, but mentally, he hurt much worse.

He continued for a while, a part of him felt like he deserved it.  He felt as if he was in a continuous episode, tearing himself apart physically. He looked at himself, covered in blood and wounds and didn't know how to feel.

Normally, he would've panicked and regret everything he did. But no, not now. Now he just felt like he gave himself what he deserved. He turned on the shower water and got in once it warmed up, letting the warm water pour itself all over his wounded body, slightly stinging every cut.

After his shower, he went up to his room and sighed. His mom was picking him up in a bit and he knew his mom would freak out over his arms and legs, so he threw a sweatshirt and sweatpants on. He got his suitcase ready and went to the living room to go ahead and wait as his dad came out after selling some of his orders. 

"Dad...does Mom know about me being kicked off the team?" Stan asked. He knew Sharon would go crazy to find out he had all those drugs in his system. Randy nodded his head at Stan and replied, "Yes but not completely. I told her you were failing classes and also said I'm making you go to tutorials when you're with me so she won't lose her shit."

Stan sighed with relief. He heard the car pull up and told his dad bye, and went into the car with his mom after putting his suitcase in the trunk. 

On his way to his mom's house, he went ahead and put his stuff inside, and went to rot in his room straight after, without any sleep.