UPSIDE DOWN

~1~

Sylvie 

"Noooo" i woke up with a start  as my voice echoed in the empty house as I woke up from my nightmare, sweat droplets covering my forehead and my back. The cold air making it's way into my lungs taking in a deep breath and focus on anything but my spiraling thoughts.

I look around me, touching the headboard behind me, the familiar feeling of wood beneath my fingers reminding me I'm safe and I'm at home. I close my eyes for a moment, recalling the memories of my dream. 

The scene of the crash replaying in my head, a memory that has been forever etched into my brain. A day I can never forget. 

It's been a year now, a year since my life changed, a year since the crash, a year since I lost the only father figure in my life, a year since I've walked properly, a year since I started physical therapy, a year since I've been homeschooled, a year since I've even seen a person other than my mother, a year since I've stepped a foot outside my house.

I feel like Rapunzel, trapped up in the tower. My mom refuses to let me step out of the house, she thinks it's too dangerous. She's been paranoid since my dad died, she refuses to let me out of her sight. 

She stays at home all the time, and doesn't even work, but she still get's the money to pay our bills and groceries, I tried asking her about it but she will just slap me and ask me to drop the subject. 

My mom started turning to alcohol and drugs once my father died. It started slowly, she'd leave the house after dinner and show up drunk at the doorstep after a couple hours. 

It didn't get bad until she started beating me up whenever she was high, and blaming me for how her life was now, she'd always apologize later when she was sober and tell me that she didn't mean any of it and it would never repeat again.

until she got high the next time.

It didn't help that I was stuck on a wheelchair and couldn't walk more than a few steps until my legs got all wobbly and I eventually ended up on the floor. 

I understand she's in pain and she's all I've got, she's the only family I have left. So I tell myself to just deal with it, and remind myself that she'll be back to her old self soon. 

A part of me knew I was just lying to myself, but that's the only hope I had, I couldn't let go of that. 

I slowly pull the covers off of myself and push myself off the bed and onto my wheelchair. I decide to shower and freshen up before my mom shows up. She's recently started spending the nights outside of home, she leaves after dinner and shows up before breakfast.

Looking at myself in the mirror, a layer of new thought form in my mind, I hate that a mirror is so transparent with you, it doesn't hide anything. Just shows you exactly what's there. 

I trace my fingers around the bags that have formed under my due to the lack of sleep lately, the nightmares have been much more frequent and I end up staring at the ceiling fan for the most part of then night. 

Pushing those thoughts away I take off my cloths and get in the shower, the warm water makes contact with my skin, sending a wave of comfort through my body. I've always loved warm showers, they help calm down my nerves. 

I hear the sound of the door unlocking, pulling my out of my trance. My mom must have come home now. I turn off the tap and reach over to the shelf and grab my towel.