UPSIDE DOWN

~ 39 ~

Sylvie

The sun had already dipped behind the ocean when I wheeled myself into the study.

Papa, he was there, sitting in that old leather armchair that I had noticed he had a liking for in the past month. 

Same soft grey shirt. Same tired eyes. Same man who once kissed my forehead after nightmares and taught me chess when my hands still shook from fear. 

Only now, he looked smaller. Older. Like he'd been carrying a weight no one else could see.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

He looked up slowly, like he hadn't expected me. Or maybe like he hadn't let himself hope I'd come.

"I wasn't sure if you'd ever want to," he said.

A tone of surprise, confusion and happiness laced through those words. 

"I wasn't either." I rolled closer until the desk was the only thing between us. It felt like a canyon. I hated that. I hated how far away we'd let ourselves get.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

He didn't answer right away. His gaze drifted to the window behind me, watching waves I couldn't see. 

"I wanted to. So many times," he said finally. "But I was selfish."

That word made something ugly twist in my chest. "Selfish?"

"I was terrified of losing you," he said, and his voice cracked. "You called me 'Papa,' Sylvie. And I let you. I let you believe I was the man who created you, because the idea of you hating me, of you looking at me differently, it was unbearable. I told myself I was protecting you, but I was protecting myself."

The sting behind my eyes was instant. Tears slid down before I could stop them.

"I didn't even know I had a family," I whispered. "Everyone else knew. Not me. My whole life was a lie."

"I know."

"And then I found out Victor was my father," I said, my throat tightening around the words. "And suddenly everything, the pain, the kidnapping, the rape," I flinched, physically, "all of it made sense in the worst way. I was the target all along."

He closed his eyes like my voice physically hurt him. "I would've taken your place a thousand times if I could have. You have no idea how many times I tried to find a way to keep Victor away from you. I made deals with devils to protect you."

"But you didn't tell me."

"I couldn't bear the thought of your heart breaking because of something I could've prevented."

I stared at him, trying to match the man in front of me with the man who raised me. And for the first time in days, I didn't just see the lie. 

I saw him sitting beside my bed every time I woke up screaming, reading to me when I couldn't sleep, holding my hand so I knew I wasn't alone.

"I hate that you lied," I said. "But I still remember your hand holding mine when the nurses left. I still remember your voice reading to me. You were there. Even when she wasn't. Even when he was out there."

"I never stopped loving you," he said, tears falling freely now. "Even if I didn't create you, you are mine, Sylvie. In every way that matters."

My chest ached so much I almost couldn't breathe. My head told me I should walk out. My heart told me I couldn't.

I reached across the desk.

His eyes went wide, like my hand was something holy.

I didn't say I forgive you. Not yet. Maybe not for a while.