UPSIDE DOWN

~ 28 ~

Sylvie

As soon as I heard Nonna and Poppy walk into the room, i was startled for a minute, but eventually felt a wave of relief rush over when Poppy pulled me into a hug. 

I can't lie, I did not want anyone touching me, I did not need it at the minute. 

But I didn't have the power to tell them that, they've done so much for me and I can't even give them a hug. 

So I just shut my mouth and pretended to give into the hug before pulling away, noticing the number to people who now filled the room. All the eyes on me, with a mixture of emotions floating in them, anger, concern, sadness and pity. 

None of which I wanted to deal with at the moment. 

I was pulled out of my thoughts as I felt a hand on mine, I notice Oscar rubbing random shapes on my palms trying to calm down my nerves. 

But I didn't want to be touched. 

The touch which once used to calm me down is now making bile rise up my throat. 

By words are stuck at the tip of my tongue as I remind myself to be calm, because I need to be grateful. 

Oscar notices my discomfort as slowly withdraws his hand before leaning over as whispering something to Andrea before, "Guys why don't we all head outside and chit chat and let Sylvie rest for a while" Andrea speaks up. 

I look at him and offer him a genuine smile. 

"I'll stay back to monitor her" Luca says before everyone else makes their way out of the room. 

I turn my face away from Luca, trying to focus on anything else other than him at the moment. I can't look at him in the eye without feeling guilt for pulling away from his hug earlier. 

Every part of my body is consumed in guilt, guilt for denying going to the ball, guilt for being the one who causes all the trouble in the family, guilt for not even liking being touched. 

I feel my breath speeding up by the minute, i feel like I'm underwater and I'm drowning. 

The image of the room in front of me is blurring, making it look like I'm back in that room again. 

Back there, tied up, and unable to move. 

I feel myself feeling the constant dread rush through every part of me. The fear soaking up through my skin as a small shiver breaks through my bones. 

I feel myself collapse at the thought of being back there, and fear of all this being a dream, my family is not real. 

Before I can think further, I see a blurred face in front of my eyes. No, no, no, please, not again. 

Please just let me go, I just want my brother, please. I didn't do anything please, I just want to go home. 

Luca

Sylvie is having a panic attack. 

I know not to touch her, and jerky movements of mine will only startle her, so I just move in front of her, "Sylvie, you're safe, you're ok" I try telling her. 

"No, no, no, please, not again. Please just let me go, I just want my brother, please. I didn't do anything please, I just want to go home." I hear Sylvie whisper out as she clutches her knees close to her body shivering. 

She thinks that I'm going to hurt her. 

Fuck.

She shuts her eyes close, whispering the words, "no", "please" and "I just want my family" over and over again.