☆ Wanderlust Jacob Elordi ੈ♡⸝⸝🪐༘⋆

12.

TW: loss of weight & vomit

It had been 2 weeks since they all went out, shooting had began a week ago. Elara and Barry were somewhat close . Barry & Jacob were very close and inseparable, it didn't go unnoticed to everyone that Elara and Jacob were not close.

Since that evening marked by Elara's panic attack and Jacob's subsequent confrontation, their relationship has maintained a strictly professional tone. Politeness prevails, and their interactions are limited to necessary communication. Despite their efforts to keep the set harmonious and dispel any awkwardness, Elara has recently found herself grappling with inner struggle.

Ever since the eventful evening, Jacob opened up wounds within Elara, feelings she shoved down for many years. The boy whom she had only met recently got the girl to cry. She swore she would never cry over what a man says after all the things her father called her throughout her childhood.

He would tell her how she was a failure. Call her shallow & bitter. Negative and nosey just because she always stuck up for her mother and defended her. Yes, the fights would be between them but Elara felt protective over her mother and she would fight anyone who tried to anger her or upset her. One thing that really struck Elara and would always stick with her is when he told her she will have relationship problems in the future. Everyone knew it.

Despite her previous commitment to avoid shedding tears over his words and she swore off men (she knew she would have relationship problems, she was aware that she could be potentially abusive). But him saying that really fuelled the anger in the girl as it was his fault in the first place.

The girl swore the last man to make her cry would be him but now Jacob had undone it. Elara woke up the next day and had one of her worst episodes. Although, she rarely threw up from drinking that was not the case, she woke up and had to run to the toilet. She threw up as much as she could, her body shaking from the weakness and vulnerability it felt. Once the girl was able to stop, she flushed the toilet and washed her hands. She began brushing her teeth, her plan was going to ignore everything that she experienced last night. She was going to push it away, just like she always did it seemed to be working until she dropped her toothbrush and heard the noise it made.

That was enough to set her off.

The girl now spread out on her bathroom floor with dried toothpaste on her mouth sobbed and sobbed. Everything Jacob said was racing through her mind, everything her dad said throughout her childhood raced through her mind and everything she's done to Jacob raced through her mind. She felt a mixture of emotions: anger, sadness, betrayal. This was not her but the little girl inside of her that she had locked away for many years appearing and she did not know how to handle it.

'Why is it the ones who are supposed to love and guide you, hurt you the most?' Echoed through her mind, the frequent quote she always thought throughout her childhood.

The girl now freezing began wrapping her arms around herself, she closed her eyes and imagined it was someone hugging her. She then began rocking forwards and backwards whilst whispering 'it's not fair' over and over again. Her eyes oozing with tears. All she ever wished for was someone to hug or hold her when she had moments like these but that never happened.

The girl continued doing this until her eyes were unable to stay open, her throat was aching like she had swallowed shards of glass. Her body was tingling with either numbness or coldness or maybe it was both.  She felt her eyes close and images of Jacob appeared.

It was 2 hours later and the girl woke up to being asleep on her bathroom floor,  it was now dark outside - the sun had set. The girl settling back into reality grabbed her toothbrush off the floor and used up any remaining energy she had left. She then stared at herself in the mirror, there she was.