SAVIOR COMPLEX , Thirteen Reasons Why

nine

— Bex

AMIABLE, HONEST, LOYAL. Words that could've maybe helped if Natalia spoke them the day she was with the sheriff and Mr Porter. Now she walked the halls anxiety ridden as people eyed her. It was no secret she'd been involved with Clay, or the fact that Clay was now a person of interest.

There was only a few people who'd bring her comfort. Clay, Jessica, and Justin. It felt as though those people had kept her out of the loop. She hadn't even talked to any of them besides Clay.

So, when Natalia rounded the corner and met eyes with Justin, something in her melted away. The thing that'd been gnawing at her viciously like a ravenous dog. The loneliness that festered and overflowed at times. Also a bit of nostalgia rolled in.

"Hey, Bex," The nickname made Natalia smile despite the other awful memories she often associated with it. Just because people she hates use that nickname didn't mean the people she loved didn't need to.

"Hi," Natalia's voice came out a little more agitated than she wanted to when she approached her friend.
Justin looked around as people gawked at them, he seemed annoyed.

"I haven't heard from you in a bit, I was a little offended," Justin teased and tossed his arm around her shoulder. He sensed her need to be talked to, he wasn't the only one feeling the heat revolving them.

The whole group of friends stood in the center of the ring of fire, flames nipping at them as they pulled any excuse out of their asses. Sometimes people forgot that when anything happened it happened to Natalia too.

"I've been avoiding everything," Natalia replied as they walked down the hall.

"Maybe I should try that."

"It doesn't work, don't. I'm still tied up in last years shit, and recently, it's been running to catch up," Natalia said making Justin sigh. "I don't understand how you guys moved on."

"We've got your back," Justin assured her, squeezing her shoulder. "All of us involved will never just move on, I think about that time, about Hannah, and even Bryce, more now than ever."

"I just feel like I'm stuck, you know? Like, I can't move on and be there for Clay all the way because... well, because I resent the whole situation," Natalia continued as Justin brought her into a vacant class.

"That was more than Clay," Justin defended him and Natalia sighed.

"I know, but things that happened after, like, Zach won't even talk to me, and I can never get people off of my fucking back because I'm looked at like a fucking victim," Natalia complained and Justin furrowed his eyebrows.

"What's that have to do with Clay?" he asked.

"Clay gave me the feeling that I can do anything, and when I did the impossible, everything feels like hell now. And the truth is I still hurt, but I just do it publicly," Natalia answered her tone raising making Justin shake his head.

"Natalia, he gave you the strength to do something you wanted to do. You shouldn't blame him," Justin told her, grabbing her hand. "You know he'd never do anything to hurt you."

"Well it feels like everyone's out to fucking hurt me. And I don't. Blame him, I mean. I just resent him," Natalia admitted, more calm than she was.

"You resent him for giving you the courage to stand up for yourself?" Justin quizzed.

"Fine, then. I blame myself."

Natalia looked to the floor with crossed arms and found Justin's eyes after a moment.

"I blame myself for trusting him so much. He gets so little from me and all I do is shit on him, what is wrong with me?" Natalia groaned, running her hands over her face. Justin came to her side and placed a hand on her back.

"You care about him."

"That I actually can blame him for."

✺ ✺ ✺

NATALIA ENTERED THE cafeteria with an apple in hand. One she really didn't plan on eating, but she knew she wanted to find Clay. Her talk with Justin was an excruciating, yet enlightening one. She cared more than she thought. Her fire felt like it dwindled down, but what happens when she'd been throwing pails of water on something resembling a wildfire.

She approached him from behind, rounding the table then plopping in front of him. He couldn't ignore her, and although the cafeteria was buzzing, a lot of eyes were on the two since the buzz had mostly been about Clay.

"Hi."

Clay blinked at her and ignored the people who whispered about them. Her voice grew louder with each time it echoed in his head as he tried to find the words.

"You don't have to sit with me," Clay told her as he met her eyes for once. "It's not ideal to sit with the person of interest in a case of murder."

Natalia shrugged and placed the apple in her hand down on the table along with her backpack.

"You didn't do it. Plus, it's not like you're gonna murder me," Natalia tried to joke, but the landing was awkward. She cleared her throat and decided to take a bite of her apple. "Jesus, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Your humor, well, lack there of, is refreshing compared to the torches and pick forks," Clay responded causing the girl to chuckle.

"I just wanted to let you know that I care," Natalia told him, her exterior suddenly going as serious as ever. "I don't care about the technicalities of whether or not you killed Bryce. I want you to know that I'm here."

Clay reached across the table and held her hand.

"Hey, man. Mind if we join you?" Cyrus asked as the rest of his friends joined them. Natalia slowly took away her hand since she didn't want her whole arm across the table, but she did miss the feeling of Clay's fingers intertwined with hers.