- What if 𝙉atalia can't
accept getting things
thrown at her anymore?
ᶜˡᵃʸ ʲᵉⁿˢᵉⁿ
𝙉atalia 𝘽exley was an ordinary girl. Her grades were good and she had good friends. The girl had never experienced anything b...
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THE WIND RUSTLED through Natalia's blonde hair. She didn't know where she was. She was in a field of lemongrass lying beside someone. Wait, who was she beside? His hair was brown in a familiar cut. The smell of his cologne, the overwhelming feeling of love and support. Her chest felt warm.
"I was wondering when I'd see you again," Natalia said softly. Her tone was as light as air as she talked. Her heart felt full when she looked over to see Jeff gazing into her eyes.
"Were you?" Jeff asked with his usual charismatic smile. His voice felt like something she'd been missing. He didn't have a singular bad bone in his body. His eyes gleamed with pride as he stared at her.
"Of course," Natalia replied, sitting up suddenly alarmed. She looked around and didn't recognize the place they were. "Where are we?"
He ignored her question. He instead sat up and took her hands into his. Her stomach flipped when she felt his hand hold hers.
"You've got so much time. You're sitting here wasting it with me. Did you ever realize how much you deserve for all of the shit you put up with?" Jeff quizzed making Natalia shake her head. "None of that."
"I've failed a lot of people," Natalia whispered yet Jeff heard her clearly. He never liked when she self doubted herself, he always saw her potential.
"Some people fail themselves," Jeff responded trying to convince her, but she wasn't moved so quickly.
"Am I dead?" Natalia asked, despite the calm feeling she was experiencing, death made chills roll down her spine.
"Nope. Just a visit," Jeff replied. Natalia's heart sank taking it in. "You didn't fail him."
"What?"
"You didn't fail him. He's struggling, Natalia. He's taking on too much. He loves you," Jeff told her and Natalia shook her head sadly. "Just be there for him."
"It's easier said than done," Natalia mumbled causing Jeff to laugh.
"I've wasted more than enough time chasing after girls who didn't care, why not waste some on a boy who does?" Jeff lectured causing Natalia to smile back at him. His face was kind until it was worried. His mouth opened, but suddenly he vanished.
"Hey, Bex. Fancy seeing you here," Bryce quipped from behind her. She swiveled around to find herself sitting in the middle of the clubhouse. He was sitting behind her on the couch.
"This is just a dream," Natalia said instead of a reply.
"Or a nightmare," Bryce whispered in her ear, now right beside her on the wooden floor. His hand crept up her forearm causing her to close her eyes.
She was up.
It was all a dream.
Yet, the panic attack that wracked her body made her mother burst in on her.
"Not again," She muttered, peaking down the hall. She'd been looking for her daughter's father. It would be easier to make him do the parenting like she always had. "Drew!"
For someone in the medical field, empathy and compassion were not her best qualities.
Her mother sat on the foot of her daughter's bed, soothingly rubbing her leg. The panic attacks were not something that occurred often anymore, but it was known when they did.
Natalia woke up screaming, she broke into a loud cry, and began rocking back and forth until she came out of it, thanks to her father. Her mother rubbed her leg for moral support which still meant something.
Drew came as fast as he heard. He sat beside his daughter on her bed and talked her through it as best as he could. He hasn't seen her like this since the trial.
"It's okay, angel," He whispered. He held her close as she sobbed in her arms. Her father's warmth replaced the warmth she gained and lost oh so quickly a minute ago with Jeff.
Her immediate thoughts then went to Clay. The boy the dream had mostly been about.
Why had a girl like Natalia pined for this dorky boy? She knew why. Because he was her person. He was typically the one who wiped her tears instead of caused them. She didn't want to lose him, but she wouldn't be so quick to run back to him either.
•••
NATALIA PURSED HER lips at the red spray paint that said Month was framed. She didn't know who did it, but whoever did, knew the truth. She seen Clay from across the room and felt empty inside. She sighed and left the crowd.
"You done with Clay now?" Zach asked and Natalia shrugged. He chuckled at her nonchalant shrug.
"Look, I have to get to class, but I'll see you," Natalia responded. Zach chuckled again. "Take of yourself, asshole."
"Will not do!" He called after her as she walked away. Natalia smiled to herself and continued on.
She had a senior tour of Sanderson, and she wasn't that interested in any bullshit Zach had to cause.
•••
THE TOUR TOOK the life out of Natalia. She stalked sluggishly behind random students, all of her friends were separated by the two groups. Natalia felt anxious as she got a glimpse of what the college life could be like.
She wondered what this life would like. Not a soul knowing her. Just herself navigating the world of college on her own. It sounded peaceful to Natalia. Nobody would know her as Hannah Baker's friend or the girl Bryce Walker raped. She could be Natalia Bexley instead of Nat or Bex.
