𝐁𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐎𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧: 𝐊𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐫 𝐎𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐢 (𝟏𝟖+) ✅

𝟑𝟑: 𝐄𝐠𝐨 𝐯/𝐬 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭

The late afternoon sun cast long shadows across the temple grounds, dappling the still surface of the pond with shimmering diamonds. Dressed in cool cotton, I sat at the water's edge, my legs submerged in the cool embrace. Lost in a swirling vortex of thoughts, I barely registered the hesitant voice until it called again.

"Di?"

Lifting my head, I met Shree's gaze. Her normally bright eyes held a flicker of worry as she stood on the worn stone path. I gestured for her to join me, the memory of my recent confession still fresh. Two days had passed since I'd told her everything, the truth a heavy weight lifted from my chest. I'd braced myself for rejection, for a fracturing of the bond we shared. But instead, I'd been met with understanding and unwavering support.

Shree settled beside me, the rustle of her skirt the only sound in the peaceful setting. Finally, she spoke, her voice laced with concern, "Ab aap kya karoge?" (Now, what will you do?) The question hung heavy in the air, a silent acknowledgement of the life-altering revelation and the uncertain path that lay ahead.

"Pata nahi"

(I don't know)

"Aap ab bhi pyaar karte ho unse?"

(Do you still love him?)

Shree's question yanked me from the swirling vortex of my thoughts. Do I still love him? It was a truth I couldn't escape, a stubborn ember glowing beneath the ashes of my hurt. But the weight of his actions pressed down on me, a physical barrier I couldn't seem to hurdle. Forgiveness felt like a distant land, a place I yearned to reach but couldn't find the map to navigate.

"Pata hai Shree, hum jab apne mom-dad ko dekhte the na, love birds as colony people used to call them, hume lagta tha love is everything, sab usse hi haasil ho jaega, magar bade hone ke baad hume utna samay nahi mila pyaar ke bare me sochne ka kyuki papa nahi the to hume laga ki hume sari zimmedariya sambhalni hai or fir hum bas maa ka khyal rakhne mein busy ho gaye. Ek 12 saal ke ladki ke sir se jab papa ka saaya uth jata hai to shayad logo ko pata nahi hota uska uski zindagi pe kya asar hota hai, use bada hona padta hai, use family se deal karna hota hai, mumma ko protect karna hota hai, khud ko protect karna hota hai, khud ka career banana hota hai taaki kisi ke aage apki mom ko jhukna na pade, hum apni zindagi sirf maa ke liye jeene lage, unhi se humara din shuru or unki jarurato pe khatam. Aur fir hume pata chala Nanu ke bare mein, jab hum 16 ke the. Unhone hume wo sara pyaar diya jo hume apne dada-dadi se kabhi nahi mila. Unhone humare sir upar haath rakha, shayad koi us haath ki keemat na jaanta ho par hum jaante hai, wo haath us waqt humare lie Bhagwan ke haath se kam nahi tha. Hume pehli baar itna safe feel hua, laga koi humara apna hai humari mumma ke alawa."

(Do you know, Shree, when I used to see my mom and dad, people in the colony would call them love birds. I used to think love is everything, that everything will be achieved through it. But as I grew up, I didn't have as much time to think about love because dad wasn't there, so I felt I had to take care of all the responsibilities and then I just got busy taking care of mom. When a 12-year-old girl loses her father, perhaps people don't realize the impact it has on her life. She has to grow up, deal with the family, protect her mom, protect herself, and build her career so that her mom doesn't have to bow down to anyone. I started living my life only for my mom, my days began and ended with her needs. And then I found out about Nanu when I was 16. He gave me all the love that I never got from my grandparents. He put his hand on my head, maybe nobody knows the value of that hand, but I know, at that time, that hand was no less than God's hand for me. I felt so safe for the first time, it felt like someone was mine beside my mom.)

"Bahut galat hua di aapke sath, aapko apna bachpan marna pada, par apko apne nanu pe gussa ahi aaya ki unki wajah se...uncle..." Shree said hesitating.

(It was very wrong what happened to you, you had to sacrifice your childhood, but didn't you feel angry at your Nanu because of him... uncle...)

"Pata nahi kyu nahi aaya, bas us waqt hume chhaiye tha koi hume keh de ki sab theek ho jaega bacha, humare paas baith ke hume bole ki hum sab smbhaal lenge...or us waqt nanu ne wo hi kiya...but maa unhe kabhi maaf nahi kar paayi..." I continued.

(I don't know why it didn't come to me, but at that time, all I needed was for someone to tell me that everything would be okay, child. Someone to sit beside me and assure me that they would take care of everything... and at that time, Nanu did just that... but mom could never forgive him.)

"Hum to normal hi life jee rahe the fir nanu ne hume wo mission diya jab hum sirf 18 ke the..."

(We were living a normal life, then Nanu gave us that mission when I was 18...)

"What??" she was shocked. I smiled at her reaction.

"But aapne to...aapne to 22 mein shaadi ki..."

(But you... you got married at 22...)

"Yes, I know, Mom never approved of that mission, so it was put on hold... I don't know what Nanu did then, but I didn't handle it... I had seen his picture and honestly, I had a little crush too... then I had a stupid boyfriend... Siddhart, who cheated on me, but honestly, I was just hurt because of my low self-confidence... I was never in love with him... and then that night, I met him... of course, I recognized him and I tried to talk to Nanu if I could still do the mission. And he said yes... I don't know, love at first sight might be stupid for some people, but I did. I did fall in love with him that night. And the more time I spent with him; my love just increased... that's why I said yes to marriage... because I thought love was enough..."

"But now you don't think that?" she asked inquisitively.

"Haan...wo kaafi nahi hai...usse jyada, bohot jyada jaruri hai izzat. Jo shayad na to hum unki kar paaye theek se na wo humari...izzat ke saath aata hai ek bharosa, ek vishwas...vishwas ki wo bata sake unke man mein jo bhi hai...or mai bhi...bata saku..." I completed.

(Yes... love is not enough... more than that, respect is paramount. Perhaps neither we could give them properly nor they could give us... along with respect comes trust, belief... the belief that they can confide in us whatever is in their heart... and I too... can confide...")

"Di par ye romance books, movies mein to humne yahi dekha hai ki pyaar hi sab kuch hai, apni self-respect se upar bhi logo ko pyaar ko rakhna chhaiye." She asked again.

(But Di, in romance books and movies, we've always seen that love is everything, that people should prioritize love even above their self-respect.)

"In those romance books and movies, the message often seems to be about prioritizing love over ego, but not over self-respect. It's important to love deeply and passionately, but not at the expense of compromising one's dignity and self-worth. True love respects and values the individuality and self-respect of each person involved. So, while love is indeed significant, maintaining one's self-respect is equally essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship." I made her understand.

--

"प्यार में अपना अहंकार छोड़ो, पर स्वाभिमान को कभी नहीं।

सच्चा प्यार वही है, जो व्यक्तित्व को सम्मान देता है,

और स्वाभिमान को सलामत रखता है।"