The Last December

Chapter 14

        She's my only fear
Ali
There's nothing i'm scared of but her, she's my only fear and i'm always scared that i might loose her again. The moment i got to know that she met Asher, i lost my shit. This has been my only insecurity for years, that what if she meets the people from her past life one day and that leads to Alex. The motherfucker. What if they both meet and then they decide to get back. Though the possibility of getting back isn't easy right? I mean Alex's married and has a child. Adeline's married to me too but she doesn't care. The saddest part that she doesn't care. Its been 6 months we've been married, but nothing could bring us close. Everytime i try to be close to her, she drifts apart. She's too fixated on leaving me and this marriage that she doesn't give a damn about my feelings. My heart. My friendship with her. Sometimes i feel i did a mistake by tying her up with me. But then the next moment i feel i just need to give her time and she'll come around.
I want to taste her. I want to be with her like i was. I want to become her love of life and not any dirty secret she asked me to keep when we were 18. The secret only i and she know. She asked me to swallow it and never say to anyone and i never did. But after she gained back her memories i always wanted to talk about it. But she never made it look like she remembered that part. Maybe she didn't. Maybe she has really forgotten about it because she was drunk the moment when that happened. Adeline was always the only girl i wanted my every first and last to be. And she did me my every first. But not because she loved me or she needed me. Just because she was high on emotions.

Age eighteen.
I arrived Us a while ago and since i have been back from london, i wanted to see Addie, though my heart isn't in control whenever i see her. After that night when she told me she loves someone else, i was done for. I broke into millions pieces and those pieces have never been fixed. And after that night, the next morning i flew. I went back to london, and never came back. Me and Addie rarely talked. We kept distance or i kept it. Maybe because I didn't want to be in her life when she didn't really needed me. I felt the ache in my heart. I felt she doesn't need me or want me to be with her. She had her friends and she lived her life. And me? I was all alone in London. Going through my broken heart. "Son its so good that you are back. I have missed your pretty face my baby" my mom appears in my room, with a tray full of my favourite chips and drink. She keeps the tray on the table and take my hand in hers and kiss on it. I hug my mom. My mom is my everything. She's the first person i ever fell in love with and will always be. "I missed you too Ma" i say. My mom cups my cheeks and say "how have you been my love"
"Ive been good" i say.
"Ahh i see, do you miss Addie" she ask. Her question brings me to a hault. I can lie to anyone but not my mom, she knows i love Addie and she broke my heart that night. So lying to my mom here wont be any good, so i say the reality.
"Yea ma, i do miss her" i say.
"Then go meet her. She probably needs you" she says and i raise my eyebrows.
"Did something happened?" I ask.
"I don't know really well, but that girl isn't the same anymore, she doesn't talk, doesn't meet, just stay in her own room all day all long. She never even comes to see me anymore. I got worried and asked her Friend Ana, and she said she's going through her breakup and thats why she's too depressed" my mom finishes her sentence and my heart aches again. She's going through breakup, she's depressed, my addie is depressed and she needed me but i wasn't even here to ask once what happened.
"Ma ill be back" i leave my house run to addie.
I knock at the door and her mom opens up.
"Oh Ali you are back" she says and hugs me.
"Hi Aunt how are you? Am where's Addie" i ask. I'm in too hurry to be with anyone right now.
"Oh Darling' she's in her room. Must be throwing a pity party." Her mom says.
I run through the stairs. And reach to her room.
I knock at her door "hey its me Adeline"
No response
I knock again.
Still no response
"I'm coming in" i say because fuck i can't wait any longer.
The moment i enter in the room. I see her.
She lying on the floor. One hand holding alcohol and the other holding a blade. What the fuck.
I run to her and snatch the blade away from her hand. She looks up at me, and i see her god damn beautiful eyes. Those eyes are dead right now. And they showered way too much. My Adeline is so hurt.
I drop on my knees and face her. "When did you came Ali" she says. Her voice breaks. And a tear drops.
I wipe her tears. "Few hours ago Addie" i say and then i pull her into my arms.
I hug and she hugs me back.
A relief comes through me.
I rub her back slowly and she weeps in my arms.
"What happened baby" i say still holding her in my arms.
"Alex broke up with me" fucking fuck. That bastard how could he even tried to hurt her.
I keep myself calm and ask her "why did he do that"
"Can we not talk about it please" she says.
And then she pulls her apart from my arms and look at me with those tearful eyes.
"Can you kiss me" she says. Did i hear correctly? Did she asked me to kiss her or am i dreaming? Still i keep myself calm "are you sure"
She nods. And thats all i needed.
I lean closer and slowly press my lips against her.
My first official kiss finally happens and it is with the woman i always wanted. I suck on her lower lips and she opens her mouth slowly, inviting me inside, i grab her throat and slowly i move my tongue inside her. She kisses me back. She holds my neck and we both kiss. Slowly the kiss gets harder. I don't want to break it. I want to fest on her forever and ever. I move hands to her hips and slowly lift her up without breaking our kiss. Our bodies stick together. I stand up taking her in my hold. And drop us down on the bed. We dont stop kissing at all. I move my hands all over her body and she keeps her hands on my neck.
Slowly we break the kiss. Her eyes fall open. She looks at me with those fuck me eyes and i just know it.
"Are you on pills?" I ask.
She nods.
Thats it.
We are doin this.
"Are you sure you want to do this baby?" I ask her again and she nods.
I don't know how good ill be at this. Because this is going to be my first time. But i just know i want to know make her feel good.
I move my hands inside her tshirts and grab her breast. Then i slowly move my hands around her nipples making her feel comfortable. I have imagined all of this all my life. All this things i wanted to do, i'm finally doing. Slowly i lift hee tshirt up and see her. God. She so beautiful.
Then go down for her shorts and remove them in one go.
"Tell me baby, what you want" i ask
Addie looks at me with lustful eyes, she hesitates but then she speakss "Fuck me please"
I remove my pants and tshirts. Our clothes are tossed on the floor. I'm on top of her, i kiss her forehead then her cheeks, then her lips. Slowly i move down kissing every single part of her body. She moans and thats the sexist sound i have ever heard.
Slowly i touch her down. She moans again. I want her to moan my name.
"Say my name Baby"
"Please Ali' i... ah can't"
Fuckkk
I move my fingers inside her. She moans.
She sounds like a fucking porn star.
And the i slowly drag my drag my dick near her Enterance.
I come up and kiss her and slowly push inside her. She screams. God this is the best feeling i ever had. I'm finally with her, claiming her.
I fuck her.
I fuck her with everything i got.
When i move my eyes down i see blood on my dick. Wait. Was she virgin.
"Baby, are you. Ah is this you first time?"
She nods.
"Fuck baby. You should have told me" i'm so happy. Im so happy to be her first. I fuck her .
I push inside her deeper and deepers. She screams my name.
"God you are so fucking tight baby" i suck her neck, giving hickeys.
She kisses me. And then we stop
I lie on top of her.
Our breathing too fast and then we fell asleep.

I wakeup on adeline's bed. When my eyes fall open. I see she's sitting on the corner of the bed. She has her clothes on and i'm naked.
"Hey Addie" she turns to face me.
"Before you say anything. Ali. This was a mistake"
Break
"I was too high on my emotions and alcohol I didn't realize"
Break
"Im sorry I shouldn't have asked you"
Break
She broke my heart again.
"Please leave"
The moment she says that. I get up from the bed wear my clothes and leave.
"And listen. Please keep it as a secret. And never tell about this to anyone and i hope this doesn't ruin our friendship as well"
I nod and leave the room.
Our friendship broke off a year ago addie.