The Last December

Chapter 16

                          Old Memories
Adeline
As i pass by the streets of New York, it reminds me my 20 years of life i spent here. All the ups and downs. All those happy and sad moments. My friends. I remember everything. Tears fills in my eyes as i watch my old house. Then my tears fall out as i see the garden where me and Ana basically grew up playing all our childhood. Also Ali was always there like a shield. He was my knight until he went to london and things changed. And then i fall for a guy i never thought i would. He broke my heart but i still loved him by stepping over my dignity. I loved him with all my heart. I waited for him. He came back but the moment he came back in my life again. Chaos followed me. Never in my life i thought love would make go off limits. It would make me a murderer. I have two murders on my hands. And thats why my husband and my father were not in the favour of me returning back to New york. But I can't always stay away.
I want to see Alex, not that i'll go meet him obviously he'll go crazy, i just want to see him from afar. I want to know how he is. I want to see his wife and daughter, by the way whose name is adeline. I never thought he would keep his daughters name as my name. But he did. So i'm sure he loved me. Maybe he still misses me. Maybe he sees me in his daughter. But its gone. Alex and i we were never meant to be together. Thats why destiny always parted us. Everytime i saw a hope of us getting together, something would happen and it would tear us apart. So now I don't even want to hope to have him back and i feel disgusting as i even think of wanting him back even after knowing hes married and has a childh. Also i have a husband, about whom i dont give a fuck. I want to end this marriage as soon as possible. And i'll end it one day.

We head back to our hotel after attending the meeting. Ali walks with me and there's always this awkward silence between us. Some times i want him to speak up. I want to ask why he married me. Why he was up for ruining our friendship and other times i just feel like it's better he's silent. As we walk by the room he enters his and i enter mine.
Just like every day our door closes at the same time and we don't even bother telling each other bye.
I remove my coat and lay down on the bed. I stare at the ceiling and i feel the most lonely person ever.
As i turn my face towards the right side i see the entire New York. Our rooms are on the top floor so we have a full view from our window. Nightime NYC looks so beautiful. But i'm so unlucky that I can't even leave my room and go somewhere. Ali strictly told me the moment we stepped in New York that i'm not allowed to move an inch without his permission. And this time i have no choice but to agree with him. Initially i thought ill sneak out and rebel against him. But his concerns are right. I can't afford to be seen and caught by someone who knows me. Its too risky for me. So I'm listening to him and keeping my ass safe here in my room.
As i close my eyes all my old memories hit me.
Tears fall from my eyes as i feel the immense pain in my heart.
The insufferable loss i went through.
How my nights are sleepless and my days are spent in agony.
Since the moment i have recovered my memories each day gets worse.
Every time i feel the ache.
How i miss him so much.
How my heart aches to see him with some one else.
How i can never find love like that again.
How i can never love the same way again.
Its all gone.
A part of me is lost.
A part I'll never recover.