Open When I'm Gone

6. Crazy.

After my talk with Ryann, no matter how hard I try, I can't sleep. I toss and turn, her green eyes staring into mine the second I think I'm finally drifting off.

So I slip into my high school track hoodie and a pair of Nike slides before tiptoeing down the stairs, avoiding the one stair that I've learned pretty quickly creaks if you step on it too hard. I think I see Abby as I duck out the door, but I can't be sure and I can't go back without being caught.

The night air chills my cheeks as I jog down the road, knowing the way by heart as I turn through the wrought iron gates.

If cemeteries weren't scary in the daylight, they're even scarier at night. The shadows the moon casts on the tombstones to the creaking of animals rushing through the woods.

But a strange light sits in front of the area where Eddy lies, a figure shrouded in light.

"Hanson," I breathe, crouching down in the grass next to him. He smiles weakly at me as he sets the lily down on damp grass along with a pink daisy for his mother.

Mrs. Taylor died four and a half years ago, after Brianna was born. She was just like Eddy, bubbly and funny and always had a smile on her face. I remember how hard it was after she died, how Eddy and Hanson practically lived at our house so my mom could take care of the new baby. How Mr. Taylor rarely left his room.

And now they have to do it all over again. But this time, they don't have Eddy to guide them.

Because Eddy's dead.

"I still can't believe she's gone," he chokes out, wiping his cheeks. "The house has felt so quiet without her,"

And it's true. Eddy is— was — such a large personality that I think everywhere she was will feel a whole for her.

"How are you doing?" Of course I know, but it's okay to make sure.

"I miss her," He states plainly, running his fingers through his dark permed hair. "I just... I still can't imagine going through life without her. Like... I'm graduating next year and she's not gonna be there,"

He sobs gently, gripping his chest as if it hurts him to think. All I can think to do is rest my hand lightly on his back, stroking it until he begins to breathe clearly again.

"It's just my dad and Bri and I," He shakes under my palm. "I just... Life just seems so different without her around,"

The darkness of the night seems to swallow the both of us whole, taking every sliver of joy we still possess.

It feels like the summer days are getting shorter since she's been gone.

"I'm gonna go," Hanson finally sighs, trembling as he rises to his feet. "My dad's probably worried sick,"

I don't look at him as he rises to his feet, but turn to face him when I hear my name.

"Simon," His voice shakes as a single tear runs down his cheek. "I know you miss her, we all do, But please don't lose yourself because of her. She wouldn't want you to fall apart just because she's gone,"

I have nothing to say to him as he walks away.

***

"You haven't left the house in days," My step father says so matter-of-factly that I almost believe he noticed all on his own. He leans against my door frame, his hulking muscled figure casting a shadow on my suede carpet.

Now, trust me, my dislike for my stepfather is definitely not one sided. He's never liked me, and until my mom met him, her and Abby and I were as thick as thieves. And of course him marrying my mom gave me an older sister in Ryann, but it doesn't mean I like him.