Open When I'm Gone

28. It Gets Better.

"COME ON, SIMON!" Alyssa shouts from the front porch, bouncing on the tops of Mitchells muscled shoulders, already burned from the mere hours in the sun. "THE BEACH IS GONNA GET COLD!" She holds out the last word for at least four seconds before collapsing onto her brother's blond hair.

I laugh lightly, tossing my phone to Jolie and hauling my hoodie over my head.

The fabric is rough on my skin as I rush out the door, already full of sand from our mere two days here.

The sun is warm on my face as we walk down the street to the already crowded beach. It's the kind of heat that you know will leave a mark later, but you don't quite care.

It's like the best parts of the beach all wrapped into one, with the salt air and the smacking of sandals on warm concrete. It's a scene from a movie, one that I think I might remember later, just to take in once again.

"Who needs sunscreen?" Mrs. Cherith asks, already reaching up to rub a dollop of cream onto Alyssa's Colorado-pale cheeks. She squirms under her moms contrastingly tan hands, whining at the cold on her face.

I can already feel the sun warming my skin, the white of my skin being dyed by the heat.

We're only a few blocks away from the beach when Jolie intertwines her fingers with mine. Her palm is warm, the memories of last night coming back in flashes.

She prayed over me before we went to bed. Just the two of us and the stars, talking to a God I've only ever loved through the life of another.

It reminds me of the worn bible sitting at the bottom of a box at the foot of my bed. Eddy left it for me for a reason, and I've abandoned it.

I try to flip over all the items that I've left in my mind: Her yellow hoodie with all of her patches, the teddy bear that she never went anywhere important without, three of her scripts that she never got the deposits back for, four hardcover books that are worn to the spine.

And her bible.

And the letters.

I have the letters in my backpack, shoved under my pair of tennis shoes.

Maybe I'll go back to her words tonight, absorb them in the way that used to hold me up when I was falling apart.

But now I feel Jolie next to me, her family surrounding us.

And honestly, this feels better than anything I've ever felt.

***

I can feel the music bouncing through my bones as I stretch out on the sand, the beach towel under me heating up under the rays.

My eyes are pressed closed, but I can hear the waves crashing a hundred feet away, the music buzzing from the speaker above my head.

I'm probably getting scorched from laying here so long, but I don't care. All I care about is Jolie laying next to me, head tucked against my chest, sunglasses feeling cold pressed against my skin. I think she's fallen asleep, her breathing slow and body warm.

I crane my head up slowly, watching as Charlie, Alyssa, and Mitch push together a haphazard sand castle. The turrets tilt almost sideways, Charlie's brow furrowed in concentration as he carves something gently into the front. Alyssa sits on Mitch's lap, her small hands patting down the top of the main frame, her brother smiling down admiringly at her.

Even though at the later point of my teenage years, I was given Ryann, I always wanted an older sibling. One to hold my hand in the way my father never did. One to take you on late night outings and to hold you as you cry over skinned knees.