Open When I'm Gone

9. Hold On.

"So," Jolie hums, dropping to the tiled ground, leaning her back against my bed. "What're we gonna do today?"

After my third day here, she decided that she was done with me making the calls, telling her what I wanted and didn't want. She's barely left my side ever since.

I shrug, running my fingers through my knotted hair. "You could go get some food if you want?"

"Do you not want any?" she asks, looking up at me with such innocence I don't think she realized what she just said.

"No," I reply blankly, rolling my eyes just the slightest bit. "I'm A-okay."

She just shrugs, standing on trembling legs as she offers me her hands. "At least come with me, please,"

I think about rejecting her offer, but then I realize that saying no would mean being here alone, with the ghosts that haunt my every move.

So of course I answer her with "of course. Sounds like fun,"

I shake as she helps me to my feet, weaker than I thought I was. Who knew not eating and getting your stomach pumped at the same time could make you so sick? Not me.

We shuffle down the hallway, the stiff grippy socks squeaking against the linoleum floor.

"So..." she sighs, gripping my IV pole and dragging it behind us as we walk. "You um... haven't been to school in a while. Is that because of her?"

I shrug, running my hands down my face. "Yeah,"

She doesn't say anything for the rest of the walk, at least until we get to the elevator.

"I like your bracelet," She gestures to the braided friendship bracelet tied around my wrist. My hands instinctively find the edges, twisting it until it digs into my skin before I let go. It's one of the only gifts Eddy ever gave me, since we always told each other we would never get gifts unless they were meaningful. I wish we wouldn't have, or my room would've been filled with things of hers. Now this is about all I have.

"I have a gift for you," I could hear the smile in her voice as she led me, my eyes closed, to her sweet smelling comforter, the fabric rubbing harshly against my worn sweatpants.

"Keep your eyes closed," I felt something small and rope-like tighten around my wrist.

It reminded me of dying.

I pushed thought out of my head quickly before that train of thought went off track.

I loved the sound of her happy chuckle as she told me, "Open your eyes, Honey,"

One of those braided friendships is now tied around my wrist, green, yellow, and white now intertwined around my pale, scared arm.

"It's a promise bracelet," She says quietly, twisting my fingers with hers. "By wearing it, you have to promise me you'll never attempt again,"

I finally understood at that moment what the phrase 'blood runs cold' felt like. Every cell in my body sent chills down my arms, legs, spine. It felt like everything inside my body had been dunked in ice.

"What?" I wanted to ask how she knew about that, but of course she did. Her and I were so intertwined nothing happened without the other knowing. Of course.

"I can't..." I don't know how to reply to a request so bold.

My lungs feel like they're on fire as I inhale and exhale, my chest shaking.