Open When I'm Gone

18. Break My Bones.

"Where's Jolie?" Dakota asks me at rehearsal the next day as we sit around waiting to be told what to do.

My gut wrenches at Jolie's name, and I bite my lip to keep from crying. I still feel so awful that I want to scream when I think about what happened.

I've known some of these people for years, some for just days. But either way, I know I can't tell them, can't expose Jolie to the world of harassment and bullying.

"She got the flu," I lie, "She'll be back after break."

Even I hear the lie in my voice, and I can see Blake doesn't believe me in the way his chest collapses.

I shake my head and he doesn't press more.

"Aw, well tell her to get better!" Jamie tells me, giving me the most pitiful smile I think I've ever seen.

Someone scoffs from the edge of the room, Sterlings bright eyes rolling in aggravation.

Of course out of everyone, he's the one who knows I'm lying.

Heels clicking on the linoleum floor bring the whole classroom to silence as Mrs. Shill and JD walk into the room.

JD looks so small compared to Mrs. Shill, even though he's probably six-foot-two. He's slouched over and shrunk into his oversized hoodie, hair falling over his eyes.

"Good morning, students!" Mrs Shill exclaims so loudly you would think she was trying to get all of our attention, even though she had all of our attention the moment she walked in.

"Today is our first rehearsal for the spring musical!" She says as if we weren't already aware of this.

I take the moment to take in the cast that was called today, just the ten of us. They had said they wanted a higher caliber show and therefore wanted the cast to be a lot smaller. I didn't realize they meant this much smaller.

As in most theater productions, all the guys have congregated to one side of the room, the three of them all grouped in a circle probably talking about girls or how to get their abs better.

Not stereotyping men, just making a statement.

I watch Dakota laugh at something Brynleigh says while she braids her hair. I observe Sadie, Jamie, and Justice all laying with their legs up against the wall, Sadie throwing her arms up in the air as the other two laugh hysterically.

Watching everyone enjoy themselves, I feel so detached, like the whole world is passing by without me.

But I always feel this way, I know this feeling by now. I'm just falling back to the hole that I've barely crawled my way out of as it is.

"Now," Mrs. Shill glances at her clipboard in her hand, "Since Jolie isn't here, we're gonna try to work on all the scenes that she's not in. So... Let's have Justice and Blake go to where Mr. Anders is to work on vocals for 'More than I am' as well as Simon and Brynleigh to do 'the most amazing thing' and then Andrew and Dakota can stay here with me for some blocking for 'Off to Massachusetts'"

One of the guys standing next to Blake raises his hand, an awkward smile on his face.

"Yes, Sterling?"

"So..." He groans, stretching his arms behind his head, "can I just... Go home, or what?"

Mrs. Shill laughs out loud, smacking her forehead, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Sterling I am so sorry! How silly of me, you can just go with the others to do vocals so you can do 'Small umbrella in the rain'. Is that okay?"

He grins an award winning smile, running his hand through his fluffy brown hair.

Just from the moments I've been around him, he gives me the weirdest vibe. Like the cockiest guy you'll ever meet who's super uncertain where he's supposed to be. Like the guy who seems super insecure just so people will compliment him.