Open When I'm Gone

21. Don't Go, Don't Leave.

I wake up the next morning, far too early, with five missed calls and twenty text messages from Mitchell.

No.

My hands shake as I dial his number, my heart racing.

No answer.

No.

This is not happening.

I hustle on my coat, not bothering to brush my teeth or hair as I sprint down the stairs.

I'm crying before I even realize what's happening.

No.

I can't lose her. I'm not going to lose her. I can't go through with this again. I don't think I'll make it.

This isn't real.

This isn't happening.

This cannot be happening.

"Young man, where do you think you're going?" My stepfather's voice rises above the ringing in my ears, piercing the early morning silence.

I open my mouth to reply, but the vowels seem to get stuck under my tongue, not able to form the words I want to scream at him.

So I don't say anything. I can barely think straight, it's like he doesn't even exist. I'm on auto-pilot as I grab my bag of pre packed items I've prepared just for this moment.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you, boy!" Pain shoots down my arm as he flips me around to face him, his face bubbling red with anger.

"You are not leaving at this unholy hour of the morning for just a walk in the park! I am your father, and as long as you live under my roof, you must follow my rules whether you like it or not! And you must be out of your little mind if you think I'm just going to let you walk out of here without batting an eye!"

"I don't care what you think!" I scream back, tears still running away from me. "My best friend has been in the hospital for a week, and I just got a call from her brother, and I think something bad happened to her. So you must be out of your little mind if you think that I'm not leaving right now. Because there is no way in hell I am going to let her die alone like I did Eddy! And I know someone as heartless as you could never understand that, but it doesn't matter. I'm leaving!"

In an instant, as if I slapped him, his expression goes from furious anger to hurt, an expression I've yet to see on his strong willed face.

"Okay," I've never heard so much defeat in one word, so weak it comes out like a breath. "Go."

"Thank you." My heart bubbles under the surface, and I really must be out of my mind because I give him a tight hug, something I've never even thought of doing either, before rushing out of the house.

***

"Where is she?" I practically run into Mitchell as I plow through the waiting room. My heart feels like it's about to pound out of my chest, and my eyes are probably so puffed up from my car ride over.

"I think you need to go see her," his hands are shoved into his hoodie pocket, bright blue eyes piercing against the red rims. "She's okay. I'm really sorry, but... Yeah, you just need to go see her for yourself."

The pit settling in my stomach seems to open up at his words, letting me breathe for the first time in the past hour.

She's okay.

That's what he said.

She's okay.

"Go on," his voice is soft, so breathy and tired. It brings me back to when Eddy would be in the hospital, all of us rushing around without sleep along with the stress of not knowing what was going on, it almost killed me every time.