TERI MERI YAARI

~9~ denial

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KABIR'S POV:

Weird. 

Weird is the only word I would use to describe my feelings these days. Never in my whole life till date have I felt something like this and I think its completely absurd. I mean come on, this is not at all possible right? 

Ok so you all might be confused about what has been weirding me out so much lately.

Its these stupid freaking ticklish feeling I get in my stomach whenever that panda is near me. I mean, its not even possible! she's my freaking best friend since diapers and now all of this will just ruin it. 

I might annoy her sometimes, I might flirt with her some times as well- well ok, not sometimes but all the time. But the point is that I adore our friendship too much to ruin it with any other feeling. And according to the recent statistics, things don't look good.

Nandu has always been my comfort place. People think that its me most of the times who comforts her, takes care of her and makes her happy. But that's totally wrong. there might be uncountable people in this world, but my home resides in only one. And its her. I know the choice of words is very strong but it is what it is. It's the truth that no matter how many people I meet or befriend, at the end of the day, I crave for her company. It's been like that since childhood. 

Every time when I feel like doing nothing or feel low, I just sit down and look at our pictures that our parents had clicked when we were kids. We used to be the most striking duo because of our contrasting characteristics yet the bond we had was something out of this world. I mean, we still do have that bond tho. I was such a trouble maker and a cry baby but Nandu has always been an understanding and calm child. 

People think I calm her down when she gets stressed or anxious and it is just that way, but no. Ever since my childhood, she's the one who wipes my tears when I cry. She's the one who sits by side and gives me her shoulder until my tears dry out and start acting goofy again. 

I am guy who doesn't get sad very often but when I do feel broken, its very hard for me to return to being happy again and everyone who tries to make me happy, fails. My own mother included. 
But Nandu's presence is the only one I crave when I need a shoulder to cry on or need a trench to shout out my secrets. 

In short, if comfort had a synonym, for me it would be my panda.

My panda, just mine. She's my best friend and only mine for that. She can never get close to any one like she's close with me. And she doesn't try to get close to anyone as well. We are both happy just the way we are with each other. Goofy and disciplined at the same time. 

But recently, I can sense some change in her behaviour and its having an effect on me too. Not gonna lie, I did have a crush on nandu when we were in 7th std, but it lasted just for 2 days ig? 
What? she'd broken my marvel figurine huh. Mistake or not, doesn't matter. It was iron man so it won't be forgotten. 

(She bought me the same one the next day but that doesn't count.)

Well, I guess that was for the best. Because friendship with extra feelings will only lead to destruction. And I would rather die than to destroy what I have with Nandu. 

But from the past few days, everything feels different. The way she looks at me, the way she smiles, the way she stares at me thinking that I didn't notice it. They awaken freaking butterflies in me. But I know that she doesn't feel anything for me because Nandu has always had this mindset of studies first. And right now that we are at the most important stage of our life, I am damn sure she can't develop anything for me. Not that I am hurt or something, It's definately great that there's no chance of such things between us. 

That day when she cried because of those stupid tests, I swear to god I was ready to kill anyone who hurt her. She looks beautiful when she smiles, but her tears are enough to break anyone's heart. I did all of that just so that I could see her smile and when she did smile I felt like the most successful human in this world. But later when she fell asleep on my shoulder, I felt my heart swell up with happiness. She looked comfortable with me and trusted me the most. And this fact alone was enough for me to fight the entire world if required? 

What right do I have to do that? I am her best friend by my brain, body and soul. And I can do anything to make her smile.

I don't exactly remember when I fell asleep that day after her, but later when she was checking out my face cutely assuming that I was asleep, I couldn't help my heart from beating so fast. I didn't open my eyes because I know she would feel embarrassed if she knew that I caught her staring at me. And in a way that I was the only who could get her attention grew on me. I felt way more happier than required when she was looking at me and I still didn't like that I was happy. 

A few days after that went on to be normal, with her being a bit weird and my stomach behaving weird was constant tho. But nothing major happened was what was relieving. 

And about my crush Mihika, whom I've liked for like almost 3 years now, she's been kinda attentive towards me. I mean after out encounter at the studio that day, I've seen her stealing glances at me every now and then and that leaves me blushing. Not that hard of a blush tho. Because no one noticed it till date. 

She had also approached me in the canteen that day during lunch hour and praised me for my dance and my happiness knew no bounds that day. Everything felt magical yet I didn't let the feelings get over me because nandu always says, unreal expectations always leads to hurt and I was not up for any hurt. No thanks. 

Also, today while playing truth or dare, when everyone forced nandu to come and play, I was honestly very annoyed because, hey come on! don't you understand a no? But then I looked at her and she kinda looked interested but her fear has always gotten the best of her and she's backed away from all these things. Not this time tho. I won't let her back out if she really wants to play. Moreover, I was there to protect her. I held her hand and promised her that I won't allow anyone to force her in the future if she doesn't like it today. The smile she had on her face spoke about the trust she had in me. And it was enough for me to protect her with everything I have.

Why would she need a boyfriend? Her best friend was enough to protect her. 

I was about to take my seat next to her as always for which I get trolled sometimes saying I am glued to her but who cares? but this time, I was dragged away by one of my dreamgirl's minions. I tried to refuse them but then the shine in Mihika's eyes didn't allow me to say no. I just went with them and sat there and my eyes immediately found Nandu. She looked a bit sad but then her calm posture returned. Though I was feeling euphoric while sitting beside Mihika, my heart craved for Nandu's warmth. 

My home, remember?

The game was going around smoothly until it landed on her. When she chose dare, she left me completely shocked but proud of the same time. My panda was learning to be brave. I couldn't be more happy. But when she got the dare, my stomach started twisting again. Those freaking butterflies were out doing their circus once again. I could feel my cheeks heating up and this time, it definately wasn't the slight blush from Mihika's glances. I was sure I looked like a tomato. 

I knew nandu would reject it and I wouldn't have to do it and I somehow felt partially relieved.

partially.

But listening to the alternative task, I felt my blood boiling. That assh*le was nothing but a play boy who has his eyes set on my panda for a long time now. She's the only girl who couldn't fall for his charm and that idiot tries harder everytime. Looking at nandu, I could easily tell she was damn uncomfortable. So I decided to do something. Something I never that I would do. I decided to help her by completing her dare. Well there was no other option. There was no way I was letting that piece of shit anywhere near nandu. 

I slowly crawled towards and pecked her cheek. It was supposed to be a slight peck but the warmth of her face and that slight red hue overtook my senses and my lips lingered on her cheek for a minute longer and after it was done, I regret it. Not because I kissed her. But I regret it because I thought I wouldn't be this happy after kissing my best friend. Teenage feelings are shitty I swear to god. 

After that little dare, Nandu never raised her sight to look at me. She was completely looking down but that red hue never left her face and that brought a smile on my face.

Idiot me. 

I turned my face to look at Mihika beside me and she looked sad which kinda did hurt me a little. I asked her slowly why she was sad but she just shook her head and said it was nothing. And me being me, didn't give up until I had her cracking up with my insane humor. 

My panda calls me clown for a reason.

After her mood was all better, we chatted for a while and what I was sure about was that she's nothing like what everyone thought she was. Everyone though Mihika was rude, mean and a spoilt rich girl. But she was one of the humblest creature I had ever met. 

We chatted for some more time and while going, she asked me for my instagram id.

I did give her my id but not the official one. I gave her a secret one about which no one knew. Not even Nandu. 

I know its wrong for me to hide things from her but I just wanted to have this id for myself. I use this one to stalk a few people. Of course Mihika and a few boys who try to hit on Nandu. 

What? I had to protect her after all. 

I gave her my id and she thanked me for it and I received her follow request the very next moment. 

As excited as I was with the fact that I was getting closer and closer to my dream girl, I was kinda guilty too because all of my secrets are first known by Nandu and then any one else. 
But today, Mihika knows something that Nandu doesn't and I don't feel peaceful about it.

I will tell Nandu about this soon anyways. She won't mind it. I am sure of it right? Yes. probably. Maybe. 

Anyways, I take my bagpack and follow Nandu from behind and exit the classroom with her. 

Everything in my life right now looks euphoric from outside, but why did my heart feel like sinking?

Why do I feel like something is really bad and there's a storm waiting for all of us?

I just shook my head to chase these thoughts away and rushed towards Nandu who was a bit ahead of me and Threw my shoulder around her as always.

Chill Kabir, everything's going to be fine. You have both your favorite girls by your side now.

Yes, everything is going to be fine. 

Right?
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