TERI MERI YAARI

~14~ Mr. Angel

HEYYAA PEOPLE!

BACK WITH THE NEW CHAPTER!!

I KNOW THE BOOK IS GOING SLOWER THAN THE EXPECTED PACE BUT THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO AT THIS POINT. THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS GOING ON IN MY LIFE AND I CAN'T JUST MUSTER UP INTEREST TO WRITE ANYTHING FOR NOW, BUT THEN I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE ANYTHING IN THE MIDDLE SO YEAH, I'LL FINISH THIS BOOK BY HOOK OR CROOK BUT IT MIGHT TAKE TIME SINCE I DON'T HAVE DRAFTS AT ALL.

I HOPE YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND AND VOTE, COMMENT AND FOLLOW.

LOVE YA'LL!!

HAPPIE READING!
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NANDINI'S POV:

Tears flow down my face as I remember the happenings of last night. It felt as if my dream had shattered itself and me completely. 

Yes, Kabir Sharma was a dream for me, and I realized it yesterday. 

Because it hurt. It hurt bad. It hurts bad when you want to have someone so bad but you know you can't. And you still can't stop craving their presence. It's just so hard to want someone and look at them while they give themselves to someone else. And the worst part is you have to pretend to be happy. You have to show them how happy you are for them when you can feel yourself rotting at the inside. You have to present yourself like a happy blooming flower when you're nothing but a dried dead leaf scattered on the earth. 

People claim autumn to be beautiful. I did once, too. Everyone appreciates the aesthetic of the world when it is covered with brown, yellow and orange hues. But no one understands the pain of loss of green. No one understands the pain of the tree which stands dry and bald. No one understands the pain of the leaves which lie down on the earth, dry and dead when each and every moving thing of this world steps on them as if they meant nothing. 

Autumn is beautiful, but people forget that its a funeral. funeral of greenery, funeral of leaves, funeral of so much more. 

And right now, Though the pink shades of cherry blossoms cover the streets of bangalore, my heart feels autumn. 

Right now, I am at the dance studio of our school. My back resting against the mirror as I lean my head on it with my eyes closed. No matter how much I try, the tears won't stop. Neither will the flashbacks stop coming. 

flashback...

KABIR: Nandu, ek baat batani thi kab se.. lekin bata nahi paaya..

(Nandu, I had to tell you something since long.. but couldn't do so..)

I gulped in the huge lump that had blocked my throat, while I pretended to smile for him and nodded my head.

He took out his phone and opened instagram which lead me to confusion. What could possibly be hidden in instagram? I mean, we both know everything about each other's social media except the passwords. We knew the people we follow, the people who follow us, and any weird message request as such, we knew everything. So what now?

The possibility that he's been hiding something from me since before lead my heart to be in pain. 

He then placed the screen of his phone in front of my eyes and I was confused. Again. Because the Id he showed me isn't the one that he owns. 

The confusion might've been evident on my face, hence he began explaining...

KABIR: umm dekh.. meko maarna matt, lekin yeh meri doosri waali Id hai. Iss waali ke baare mei maine kisiko nai bataya tha. T-Tujhe B-Bhi n-nhi.

(Umm see... don't hit me, but this is my spare id. I haven't really told about this one to anyone. Not even you.)

Wow. Just wow. I don't even know how to react at this point. Guess I was the only one following no secrets between best friends rule. 

NANDINI: since how long?

KABIR: huh?

NANDINI: since how long do you own this account?

KABIR: Umm 3 years I guess?

You know what? At this point I shouldn't keep any expectations at all. Let me do what I do always and proceed. Because I find letting go easier that holding on to it and pestering myself and the person opposite to me. 

So I did what I do the most. 

I smiled and nodded yet again. 

KABIR: but I had a reason-

NANDINI: that's ok Kabir.. people have a private life, which they want to be known only by themselves. and I get it. you don't have to explain. 

His face showed that he didn't like my replied. He was rather confused, disappointed and so much more which was not at all relief. If he expected me to react aggressively, or to be more questioning, then he's with the wrong person. I don't believe in quarelling, I am more of a forgive if possible or just slowly walk out kind of person. 

NANDINI: umm is this all you had to tell?

KABIR: umm yes I guess? so ugh yeah, after that dance studio incident, Mihika asked for my instagram and I g-gave h-her t-this one. A-And w-we b-been t-talking s-since then. 

I just nodded as if nothing's falling on my ears. I just nodded like I don't care. Because at this point I really don't 

I don't know what I am feeling at this point. All I know is that I am numb. 

KABIR: and Nandu-

NANDINI: Kabir can we talk some other time? I am really tired. I want to sleep. 

was I tired? yes I was. Not physically, but emotionally as well as mentally. This was too much burden for me already and I won't be able to take in any more information. 

His face showed disappointment. He wanted to talk and I know about it. But I wanted to do anything but talk. So I did what I felt was right. 

NANDINI: Go home Kabir. Let me sleep. I am very tired. 

He nodded with a sad face and got up to leave. He reached near the window and turned back to look at me but I had my eyes fixed on the table in front of me. I didn't have the courage to look at him and still not breakdown. And I don't want him to see me in tears. I don't want him to know about my feelings. I don't want him to change any of his decisions for me. 

I am going to bury my own feelings anyhow. 

No matter how much it hurt, but burying my feelings is the only option left for us which would do us good. 

He muttered a small good night and went. 

As soon as he left, I let out a breathy sigh as tears started to flow from eyes. I got up with a stern face, yet tears flowing continously. I walked near the small dust bin placed in my room, next to my study table and forwarded the letter that I had in my hand to thrown in it. 

One look at the letter and I already had tears rolling at an even harder pace now. Those were the feelings I had for him. Those were the dreams I had for us. That was the life I wanted for us. 

I couldn't muster up the courage to throw it off just like that. I pulled my hand back and shoved the letter inside my dairy and threw the dairy inside the drawer of my study table which I opened the least. 

The letter shoved into the least reached place and the feelings to the darkest part of my soul. 

maybe. 

I wiped the one last tear rolling down my eye and decided to sleep. None of this is worth it. We were still best friends anyhow. Right?

I just threw myself on the bed and closed my eyes to let the sleep engulf me. 

You have an entire life ahead of you Nandu. Don't let this take a toll on you. 

flashback end...