TERI MERI YAARI

~17~ dating?

HEEYYYAAAA PEOPLEE!!!

LONG TIME NO SEE?? YEAH YEAH IK! (DON'T HATE ME I WAS MAJBOOR!)
SO YOU SEE.. MY INTERNALS GOT OVER (GOT OVER, YEH MATT PUCHO KAISA GAYA, HOGAYA BAS ITNA JAANLO)

SO I WILL TRY MY BEST TO GIVE TO GIVE YOU EARLIER UPDATES!

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HAPPIEE READING!!
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NANDINI'S POV:

As I look at myself in the mirror, all I could utter is perfect. I look perfect. A while embroidered kurta with baggy jeans, a watch adoring my wrist, kajal filling my eyes and slight tinted lip balm to protect my lips from drying. And as usual, my body wash was enough for my signature jasmine scent. My hair were all glossy and shiny with a bit of bounce which here half open as a part of them were held with a hair clip at the back of my head. Anyone who would see me would say what I said. Perfect. Except for one thing..

I wasn't smiling.

I wasn't smiling truly atleast.

All I could do at this point was to present a fake smile to people when they expected one. But it was getting tiring for me. I was too tired to pretend anymore that I am happy when I am not. I know all of this is going on too long, all of this sad phase but it is what it is. Everyone has this one phase in life where nothing seems right and I was going through mine right now. All I know is, not matter how long this phase lasts, I will come out of it. I will come out of it even stronger. I will come out of it being so independent that, next time when I look at myself in the mirror, I would utter the same word. Perfect. But with my shoulders being broadly held with pride and head held high. A smile would adore my face, and a genuine one at that. 

This is what I would be. 

I would be Nandini Verma, but an extremely confident one. 

With this newly found determination, I picked up my bag and left for school, not before saying bye to my lovely family with smooches on their cheeks. 

Though all along the journey to school, I was freaking out because I had no one beside me to calm me down, I still had that fire in me. That determination that I would fight it all. I would fight everything with all I have in me and I'll make sure to slay. 

With every step I take, I could feel myself shivering but the fire in me never died. Not even close. Everyone must be thinking that its just about entering the school gate, there's nothing so great in that. 

But no, its not that simple. Sometimes, a few problems that seem really petty to us, might be so damn big and serious for others. These problems might be so small for a few people that wouldn't even bother to consider those. But for a few people, those problems are so huge, that they could even turn a person's life upside down and destroy them completely if he/she doesn't know how to deal with it. 

It's simple, just like studies. A person who's good at studies will never know what the other person feels. No matter how much he/she tries to convey that they understand not everyone's mind is as sharp as theirs and its completely okay, they could never understand what the person with average grades feels like. People feel insecure. They feel disgusted on themselves because they aren't able to solve the problems which others have solutions for on the tip of their fingers. And this is where their mental health starts deteriorating. And people enter that infinite pit of darkness from where, they never seem to able to return. 

A few things that look shallow, are soo deep that its depth can't be sensed. 

And that is why, people should never try to comment on what others are insecure about. Their weaknesses might be their strength someday in the future, but that is only possible when they're confident enough to work on themselves. 

And me, no matter how scared I am right now, all I know is I will come out of it. Whatever the social anxiety I have, I would overcome it and I would overcome it so well that I wouldn't even hesitate before having humorous talks with strangers. 

Uhh- did I just get too confident? more than required? Yes I guess?

but who cares, the fire in me can make me blurt out many things. 

I just sighed while trying to put a halt on my ferociously wandering thoughts,  and I looked ahead only to find that I had reached school. 

Wow!

I was in front of the gate, and I could already feel my heartbeat racing. My throat started to dry out and my lungs seemed to have given up on me. sweat started coating my forehead and my body felt cold. I felt as if someone was trying to pull my soul out of me. This is how I felt every time while I tried to get through the school entrance every time. The only difference is.. I used to have someone beside me to guide me through this turmoil of overwhelming emotions that starts flowing in my body whenever I see huge crowds, but now, I was all alone. 

I take my words back, I might sure as hell turn out to be strong in future, but right now, all I wanted to do was to go back home and hide inside my blanket and cry my heart out about how weak I am and how things would be different if and only if I had a bit of confidence and courage in me. 

I close my eyes for a bit with my head held down and released a deep breath which turned out to be a lot damn shaky. I could feel tears brimming in the corner of my eyes. But I had promised myself, no crying. Therefore, I opened my eyes and released another deep breath which was rather firm than shaky. I wiped those tiny droplets of tears I had on the corner on my eyes and finally decided to walk in. 

"Come on Nandu, you can do it. You're a strong girl."

I gave myself a tiny pep talk and started to walk inside with a slightly less shaky steps. People were giving me shocked looks and gossiping amongst themselves. 

Yeah, this is what happens always. They talk. They talk about anything and everything in this world that doesn't concern them. Like previously they used to speak about mine and Kabir's relationship as friends and now, they're talking about how I am entering the college alone and that doesn't happen. Like doesn't happen at all. Its either Kabir is always by my side or my dad drops me. Never have I been alone here throughout my school life. And now, I was walking through the gate alone with expressions of a homeless. 

I had my head held low while my hands gripped tightly on the straps of my bag. My lips were pursed in a thin line while wobbling a little as if I was going to let tears out. 

I closed my eyes at a point and entered through the main entrance of the campus and made my way through the aisle with my head still held low. I could still hear people murmuring but that was least of my concerns a this point. 

All I wanted to do right now was to find my group of friends as soon as possible and just release a breath of relief. I started walking faster and faster because at this point I was desperate. I was desperate for familiarity. I was desperate to have known people around me. 

I walked a little distance more and I could make out a few familiar voices which finally provided me with a bit of relief. I lifted my head up and found all my friends standing there and talking as usual and I swear to god, never have I felt so grateful to have them in my life but the amount of happiness and relief I have spreading inside my chest right now is unexplainable. 

At this point, I realized how much all of them meant to me. I mean, I did value them a lot in the past as well but Kabir always kinda did over shine and all of them were hidden behind it. But now that the moon has been hidden by the clouds, I could see how important stars can be. They illuminate the night as much as the moon does, but just because moon is more noticeable, the stars don't get the huge amount of appreciation that they deserve. 

And I have come to realize that I need my stars to illuminate this dark night which is nothing but the phase of life I am going through. 

With all these overwhelming emotions I had in me, I ran towards them. As the distance kept decreasing between us, their laughs and talks were more audible. Oh what music to my ears!

I fastened my pace as I could see Shanvi standing there right in front of me and I jumped on her from the back making her scream with shock. 

SHANVI: Woah wtf bitch?! you scared the shit out of me!

GAURAV: Nandu being this aggressive is damn rare! god what has happened to you??

I looked at all of them and they looked too shocked. Well, their shock was understandable. Though they knew how much I loved them, my actions weren't too much to prove that. And after all of that, the gesture I displayed just now was really a shocker. 

Not only for them, but for me as well. 

Shanvi was now facing me and I could see the that tense expression on their face. Well, she was the only one who knew what was going on so of course she would be tensed. 

SHANVI: Nandu, you sure everything is going well? nothing's wrong right?

Oh how do I tell her everything's wrong at this point? I mean I know he had just been to a single date and that most probably wouldn't be enough to start with a relationship, but still. She was the only one who could calm me down. I gulped the lump formed in my throat and slightly turned around to look at everyone, and I could see they were tensed for me as well. 

All of them were tensed. I mean, why wouldn't they be? I had a plaster wrapped around my foot, I was limping while running while hisses continuously left my mouth and the most important part, I didn't have anyone beside me to help me out. 

MAHI: nandu, where's Kabir?

Here it was, the question that I dreaded the most. How do I tell them that he isn't with me? What do I even tell them when I myself was still unknown to what was going on. 

I gave them and awkward smile and opened my mouth to speak.

NANDINI: I-

My voice was suddenly cut off due to the loud hooting and audible murmurs of people surrounding me. Weren't they done at this point? What else could they have found now to be that excited?

I noticed the faces of my friends and all of them looked pale. Their mouths were wide open due to shock and their eyes enlarged with disbelief. Well, they were facing the entrance, and I had my back facing it, so I guess they too witnessed what had all these people hooting like mad men. 

Not being able to take it anymore, I turned around only to witness something which I knew was coming but still blew me away. 

I saw Kabir entering.. with Mihika.. while holding hands..

He looked too happy. He looked damn happy and Mihika was glowing with happiness as well. It was as if their happiness knew no bounds and they just couldn't stop themselves from showing it to the world. 

But unknown to them, my heart was breaking. Because the hand which used to hold mine only to make sure I was comfortable enough while entering the school was now holding someone else's while being happy while I had a mental breakdown for those few minutes. 

No matter how accepting a person can be, it can never hurt less. 

I was still looking at them with an expressionless face but my eyes had tears in them. 

He slowly turned towards us and smiled even wider while looking at us. However, his face did show a slight pain when he observed me. 

No point in that, I've been in pain for too long now. 

They reached us while passing through the crowd which was treating them as celebrities. Kabir came towards not before waving bye to Mihika while scratching the back of his neck like a love sick puppy and rushed towards us with a huge smile. 

He put his hand around my shoulder and pulled me like he used to before. But that was the thing, nothing was like before now. 

However, my trance of thoughts were broken when I heard Gaurav asking- correction screaming. 

GAURAV: What the fvck did just happen?!

KARTHIK: I don't really curse, but really, what the fvck was that?!

SHANVI: I am speechless. I don't even know what to ask. 

I looked at Mahi and she looked too overwhelmed to ask a question. 

KABIR: What's too shocking?

GAURAV: Except you roaming with your aukaat se bahar waala pyaar? no nothing. 

(out of reach love.)

KABIR: Well, get used to it you guys. Because we are...

DATING. 

They're what?! wait when did this even happen?? I wasn't that overwhelmed when I saw him entering with her but this? I never knew this was coming so soon. 

I was too blank at the moment to comprehend anything and I just stood numb there. 

All of them were having interactions which were too loud but everything felt numb to my ears. I could feel the world around me going all mute. 

However, I could see the expressions on their faces. They looked shocked but no happiness was evident. Maybe they would like to know the details before celebrating. 

I was still trying to process everything when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I slowly lifted my head up to see who it was and it was none other than him. 

He was biting his lip and his face showed nervousness. 

KABIR: Hey.. Can we have a talk? i think we really need it. I wanted to do that yesterday but uhh... things were too different than expected. Can we talk now? please?

He wanted to talk. 

I don't know about what. 

And with all the show I had to witness first thing in the morning, I don't know if I had enough courage to face this talk. 

But, nevertheless, I can't avoid it for too long. 

So I just did what I had to. 

I nodded and agreed. 
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END OF THE CHAPTER!!

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