TERI MERI YAARI

~32~ Too Late

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KABIR'S POV:

"D-Don't.. p-please. Don't l-leave me p-please. I p-promise to be a better human."

I struggled as I choked on my own breath. Tears soaking my cheeks as my heart broke into millions of pieces. I was looking at one of the most important people leaving my life and I could do nothing about it. I just felt paralyzed. My feet just wouldn't move and all I could do was stand and stare and beg. 

"N-Nandu please. P-Please don't leave me. P-Please. I promise to stay by your side always. P-Please just let me explain." 

I kept begging and begging yet all I could see was her retreating back. Everything was moving in slow motion. The people around me looked like they were frozen. No clock was visible in my surroundings. And even though every second felt like an hour, Nandu couldn't be going away any sooner. All I wanted was to run towards her, grab her from the behind and never let her go. 

Yet, here I was, completely paralyzed. 

Then, as if it won't happen anytime sooner, she slowly turned back, her eyes looking into mine, a slow smile spreading on her face as she uttered the word I hate the most. 

"Goodbye.."

It felt as if someone had sucked all the oxygen from the room, I stopped breathing and my feet suddenly started to move. 

"NO NO NO!" 

I was screaming as I made a sprint towards her. I was running like a mad man, with no idea where my feet were taking me to. All I knew was I was nearing Nandu. And when I was just behind her, I tried to grab her shoulder to stop her from going away. 

But like the least expected outcome, my hand just went through her and she disappeared into smoke. 

Everything around me was foggy and I was freaking out. 

Then, I let out the most horrendous scream known by the human kind. 

Yet, in between my screams, I could hear someone calling my name. 

"Kabir... Kabir!"

The voice felt soo familiar yet so distant. I wanted to chase the voice, yet I couldn't stop screaming. It felt like I was paralyzed again. Everything around me was blurry and the voice just kept echoing, kept calling my name, kept trying its best to bring me out of my haze. Suddenly, an electric shock passed through my body and I was suddenly jolted to motion. My eyes were now able to see clearly and the surroundings felt too familiar. 

I was in my room. 

I had a nightmare, again. 

My entire body was covered in sweat and my throat felt dry. My face so pale, I actually looked like I was made of wax. I covered my face with my hands and let out a deep sigh. 

What brought me out of my stance were the light sobs I could hear. My room was dark, with all the lights switched off. Only the little light coming from the moon was illuminating my surroundings. I tried to look for the source of the sobs and what I saw broke my heart into a million of pieces. 

Mom sat at the end of the bed, with her hand placed on my thigh, her face soaked with tears. This is not the first time I've found her crying in my room. 

4 months. 

It had been 4 months since my life hand turned upside down. 

4 months since I'd lost the spark I'd had. 

4 months since Nandu went away. 

4 months since I'd started having these nightmares. 

I'd completely stopped going out, at this moment, I don't even know if I've seen enough sun. I won't be surprised if the doctor tells me that I am deficient of vitamin d. My friends tried to pull me out of this, tried to get me out of the house, tried to get themselves into my room to cheer me up, but nothing worked. I sat like a soulless doll. 

All of my friends had joined their respective dream colleges but I went no where. I just sat at home and stared at the wall in front of me 24/7. My parents fully supported me when I told them that I would prefer to take a drop year, but they didn't know the reason behind it. Nevertheless, mom noticed my deteriorating health and my non-friendly behavior and had started to worry. 
At the beginning, she tried to show as if she wasn't much worried about any of it but as time passed, she became more direct about it. I found her almost every other night, near my bed, trying to calm me down while I was having nightmares. 

Dad wasn't much of a man who worried, but he looked tensed as well. The crease lines on his forehead were visible. And though he wasn't much verbal about it, he was definitely more worried about me than he let on. But this time, I am done with myself as well. This is just too much. I don't care what I do with myself but looking at the conditions my loved ones are in because of me? I don't think I am doing a good job. 

witnessing tears in mom's eyes was the last strand. 

I gently moved towards the end of the bed and patted mom's head. she let out a choked sob and caught me in her ferociously tight hug. 

Aarna: What have you done to yourself, my child?

Kabir: I don't know mom. I don't feel like doing anything. 

Aarna: Is it because of Mihika?

I swallowed a big lump at this question. 

Me and Mihika weren't together anymore. It ended the day she came to me and told me that she had been on a date with a guy, and they'd instantly clicked. She apologized for what she'd done but could I blame her? 

definitely not. 

I barely spoke to her in these previous months. It was as if any girl who wasn't Nandu didn't deserve my attention. Mihika had tried hard to bring me out of my bubble. She'd worked her butt off to try to get me to be normal again, but as usual, nothing worked. 

I still remember the last conversation I had with her. 

Flashback: 

Mihika: Kabir.. I know it might look like I cheated. But I didn't. 

Kabir: You don't have to give me an explanation for this. 

Mihika: I know. But I want to. This guy I went on a date with? It wasn't even my plan. My parents had forced me to go meet him. 

I looked at her with a touch of sympathy. Her parents were a real piece of work. 

Mihika: don't look at me with those sympathetic eyes. Out of all the things, this one would be the best my parents did for me. I initially had planned to hate the guy instantly. But I just couldn't. He is so different, Kabir. He is lively, he is generous, he doesn't have that rich spoilt guy aura that I expected for him to have. And most importantly, I instantly connected with him. And I would be lying to both you and myself if I said that I didn't want a second date with him. Also, I would be lying if I said that we both still have feelings for each other. 

My throat felt constricted at this point. I know where this talk was leading to. 

Mihika: Before you cut me off, just listen to me once. See Kabir, I know we didn't start our relationship off in a healthy way. And what you had on me was just a mere crush, a spec of attraction and nothing more. And I've felt it in every single step we've taken together. You were so drawn towards Nandu that I was scared. I was scared I would lose you to her, therefore, I tried my best to keep you away from her. And doing that didn't prove to be much difficult. 

I lowered my eyes due to shame. Separating me from my best friend wasn't much of a work. What a douche I had been. 

Mihika: But when Nandu was completely out of your life, I felt guilty to the core. I felt so miserable that I tried to take her place in your life. But it didn't take much time to realize that it was impossible for me to take her place. She was irreplaceable. And I decided that it was time for me to let go. It would be the best for both of us. 

I'd expected to feel hurt at this. At the thought of me and Mihika breaking up after almost 1 year of relationship. But I felt nothing. No hurt, no pain, nothing. If anything, I just felt as if some of the weight had been lifted off my shoulders. 

Mihika: It doesn't feel heavy does it? 

I gulped before shaking my head, indicating a no. 

A knowing, slow smile spread on her face. 

Mihika: I know. Because this is how I felt when I went on that date. We both were never meant to be Kabir. And I apologize for coming in between you and Nandu.

Kabir: Y-You didn't c-come in between. There was n-nothing going on b-between us. 

She let out a loud laugh, tears almost appearing at the edge of her eyes.