TERI MERI YAARI

~19~ the changes

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NANDINI'S POV:

Change. This is something so controversial. Change is such a simple and commonly used word, but when it comes to actually experiencing it, things take a turn. Changes are sometimes needed as the same regular routine of a person can exhaust him out or it is needed to simply gain a new experience. But a few times, when we are completely suited to our routine or the life we're leading, a single change can disrupt everything. It can turn your world upside down and your life can take a complete 360 degree turn. 

Just a simple word, change. Yet, such a deep meaning. This is what life is, isn't it? looks so simple but so hard to lead. Life looks so simple when we look at it as a word, but when we do the same with a wider spectrum with reality taken into consideration, life is everything. It is what is the entire point behind our existence. It is what makes us want to work hard, or makes us want to give up. Makes us happy or makes us sad. And all of this accompanied with a change, defines the entire story of a person. 

As they say, if anything is constant in life, then its a change. 

And as I sit here in my usual seat with my notebook, I have my eyes closed as I go through all the changes that took place during the span of last 3 weeks. I have all of it written down in my notebook. Why? because just like sketching, writing about everything taking place in my life gives me a sense of calm. It is a way I've discovered to let my emotions out without anyone else knowing about it. Because, well, not everyone can have a human diary for themselves, right? more like some of them lose their human diaries as the time passes by. 

As I said, the change. 

I open my eyes and take a look at what I've written, only to make myself realize that I've survived all these weeks and I will survive all of them coming ahead as well. 

week 1:

Yesterday, we had the talk. The one which was needed. But what disappointed me is, I thought that the talk would release the stress we had between us, but it did nothing what I thought it would. rather, the distance is just increasing. Maybe because it was just a one way conversation? maybe because It was only him speaking while I just stood there listening to what he had to say? But what could I do? neither did I have the strength in me nor did I have the courage to speak out. 

Because what was the point? everything had already happened and nothing out of what I spoke would change any of it. So I did what I always do, just agree and go with the flow. And the flow was pretty fast to go with, but yet, I was trying my best. 

from the very next day since they started dating, Kabir proposed to sit with me and Mihika on alternate days. Reason? because they had very less time to spend with each other and she wanted to be with him more. And since I was his neighbor, we could practically hang out the entire day after school. Well, why alternate days? because he "couldn't let go of me completely in school." His words, not mine. 

But that changed soon as well, because after a week of this alternate arrangement, he shifted beside Mihika permanently. 

Why did he do so? because I asked him to.

Why did I ask him to? because even though he was beside me, he was mentally invested in her. He would still turn back and look at her, they would speak to each other in signals, pass chits, and every five minute break that we had before the teacher for the next class would arrive, he would go to her and run back as soon as the teacher arrives. 

All of this could get them into trouble, and I didn't want that. Things would be much easier for them if they sat beside each other. 

And about me? well, as he said, we were neighbors anyhow. We could hang out if we wanted to. And besides, him sitting beside me was making no great difference while all his attention was directed towards a certain beauty sitting at the back. So, to make things easier for both of us, I asked him to shift there permanently. 

He did refuse at the beginning, saying he didn't want to shift places but I made him do it. Well, even if things are changing, I still had a little power over him and he would obey to do what I asked him to do if I persuaded him just a little bit. 

Hence, he shifted completely while the seat beside me was occupied by my school bag. 

Shanvi was initially angry on this act of mine, but eventually she understood as well. because things couldn't workout the way we wanted them to. 

All our other friends were shocked too but they chose to stay silent because, well, they didn't want to make things awkward as well. 


week 2:

The distance kept increasing, not only between the both of us, but between him and our entire group. He spent lesser and lesser time with all of us. Any group study session, he would take a rain check. Any group games, his seat would be empty. Any plans to go out, he would be out on a date. 

And the same old reason, he had less time to spend with her but we all had him for ourselves for the entire time. 

But the irony is, he told us he was always available for us, but seeing him even once in week outside school was rare as hell. He had also stopped coming to school with me, and I would come alone. I still do face difficulty while entering alone, but I am doing better day by day. Maybe this is the only good thing came out of him staying away. 

He had also started to sit with them during the lunch breaks. Meanwhile all of us sat here at our usual spot. 

No one really spoke anything but their sad glances could tell how much it affected them as well. Gaurav, who usually used to be jolly and always on a run with Kabir, had turned abnormally silent. Because Kabir was the only one who matched his personality, and also, he wasn't that emotionally connected to anyone else. Karthik and Mahi were silent as usual. But their silence had a sad note to it. Usually their silence released calm, but their silence from past two weeks, it showed sadness. They wouldn't be much expressive with words, but their faces and body language spoke loads about what they felt. 

Meanwhile Shanvi? She was sad too but she made sure not to let it affect her much. In fact, she was the only one holding all of us together. While silence would engulf our table, she would end up jamming to a classic bollywood song or would sit beside Gaurav to irritate him to which he would react by getting annoyed but would eventually end up smiling. I truly admire how strong she is and how hard she's been working to keep all of us together and happy. 

In fact, though most of the times we are silent, we could feel that emotional connect between us getting stronger. In the past, I really loved all of them but I never realized their value in my life. But now that I can see the world around me with my eyes not focused on only one single person, I could see how many people genuinely cared for me and how blind was I to neglect them. All of this that happened just led me to find this determination to get close to all of them now. And things were turning out great till date. I loved hanging out with them as a group now. I still miss Kabir like hell but things were getting better and I couldn't be more thankful. 

God sends mother to be there for you in his absence, and where mother can't come to protect you, you have your friends who would do anything to make you happy. 

And all I knew was, I would try my best to make them happy just like they were trying to. 

Another thing that came out to be useful ever since the distance started increasing. 

week 3:

week 3 was the same as well, the distance was increasing but so was my will power to face all of it. The hurt was there, but the strength to endure it was also being gained. Things in the group were more jolly and the distance between him and us was way more to be visible.

There were talks in the entire campus, but who cares? people always wanted to talk. And we had learned to give them a deaf ear by now. We all would play games together during the lunch break and have study sessions as well, though there wasn't too much happiness, we were getting to it. Just one single push in any form was needed to make it a complete blast, and I don't know why, I feel we might have that push very soon. I could sense it coming.

As for Kabir? well he was the same. He had started missing our rehearsals a lot and even when we used to practice, there wouldn't be much of conversation or laughter like we used to have before. It was mostly him trying to crack a joke or rant his lungs out about Mihika while I would just respond with a small smile or curt nods. 

During the lunch break, he would steal glances at our table and pain would be visible in his eyes, But he would soon divert his gaze upon being called by his girlfriend or her minions. We would have mere eye contacts here and there but they lasted just for few seconds. I would divert my eyes and try to concentrate on something else. 

He would constantly send me reels to which I would just react and leave, because I honestly didn't have that in me to hold up a conversation with him. And I wouldn't want to pretend to be interested to speak to him when I wasn't in reality. 

And the chocolates he used to store in his bag which were supposed to be mine? well, they're no more eaten by me. It pricks my heart when I see Mihika opening his back and so leisurely picking up the chocolates he was supposedly keeping for me and devour them as if they were meant to be for her. But that's the thing, there's a whole possibility that they truly are for her these days. 

I still remember what had happened few days ago...

I was having bad cramps as it was the first day of my period and when Shanvi, even after me stopping her, approached Kabir to ask for a chocolate as he always keeps them for me, he said 
"ohh, Mihika had her period too and she wasn't satisfied with one so she ate both the chocolates. I can go and buy her a chocolate now tho. Just tell her to wait for a few minutes." 

I don't know if I should've reacted any better, but I had tears in my eyes. This is what I am for him now? a mere formality? responsibility? He might think of me to be weak but I am not. Therefore, I rubbed off the tears harshly and decided that I would go home and rest rather than giving myself a mental torcher while sitting here and witnessing things that would only give me tears. 

Dadi did tell me that he was here to meet me and had chocolates with him, but since I was not in a mood to talk to him and I was half asleep on my bed as well, I asked Dadi to send him away. The look on her face said that she didn't like it to send him away but she did it anyways. I also received many texts from him asking if I was fine or was I mad at him, but I never opened those. All his messages are left unread till date in my inbox. 

I heard a slight knock on my window as well, but I convinced myself for it to be the wind and forced myself to sleep. 

I would rather block the things that make me sad rather trying to pretend I was fine with those happening. 

present:

I let out huge sigh as I look at my watch only to find out that the class was about to start. I closed the notebook which was in my hand and placed it inside my bag and started to look for the books that were required for the class when I heard a similar sounding laughter erupting from the entrance of the classroom. The familiarity of that voice spread warmth in my belly and pain in my chest at the same time. I didn't turn around to face him. I didn't turn around to look at his laughing face when I know that all I felt like was to cry. 

I could feel him pass by my side and his hand brushed slightly with my shoulder and it sent shivers down my spine. 

The only difference is I didn't feel good about it this time. 

"Get yourself together Nandu"

I gave myself a curt nod and sat up straight with my eyes fixed on the board in front of me as I waited for the teacher to enter the classroom and begin with the lessons. 

It took another 4 mins for our teacher to enter and by the way she wished us good morning, she looked way more enthusiastic. I wonder why. 

TEACHER:  Good morning students! so I have an exciting news for you all! we have someone new joining us as your classmate for the rest of the year. I hope you would treat him well. 

Well, now get all the enthusiasm. Another rich kid here. 

Don't get me wrong tho. I am not against rich kids, its just that few of them like to show it off more than required. 

I had my head bent down as my hand kept working on the random doodles I was making on the back side of my book when I heard a voice introducing themselves. 

Well, it sounds familiar. Too familiar. 

Finally, the curiosity in me took over and I lifted my head to see who was the so called new comer who had the entire class gasping and awing at him. 

What I saw, or specifically, Whom I saw in front of me had my jaw dropping to the floor. 

What the actual Fvck?!

What in the world is he doing here?

??: Hello pals, I am your new classmate. Hope we would get along well. 

He turned his face towards me and our eyes locked. 

Just as I thought I was getting used to things around me, God had to introduce this twist. 
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END OF THE CHAPTER~~!!

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