Heart On The Edge

Chapter 13

KASHVI'S POV

He leaves the door open. All the air comes inside and fills the room. It felt like the air was tellinh me breathe. Breathe Kashvi Breathe. Why did I let him go? I should he have asked him to stop and he would have...
I stand under the shower. I rub soup, shampoo, body wash everything over my body and hair fiercely as if I was trying to get rid of his touch. I need a new pussy! Anyone supplies?!
Anger built in me. I got out of the shower and dressed better. Like nothing ever happened.
Dad came by that evening. He told he knew about me and Adarsh. He said he knew 'everything' about me and and Adarsh...well he didn't...does he know how many time Adarsh had exploded inside me and that if I don't get my periods this month then I am 100% pregnant!
My inner voice sounds so mean and sarcastic.

"Tumne usse...roka kyun nahi?"

He finally asked with the most concerned face.

"Jisse jaana hota hai woh toofan nahi dekhta. Aur jisse rukna hota hai woh makaan nahi dekhta"

Dad hugged me that night. He isn't a hugger. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see broken pieces. I don't see the Kashvi I was before 4 weeks. I see a weak, broken, damaged, fucked up woman.

"Woh ladka...jiske baare mein Maa bol rahi thi...I can meet him."

"Shashank Bhaduri? Okay. I'll talk to his family."

He didn't question why what what abt Adarsh....He knew I just wanted to move on.
I had damaged myself soo much, I couldn't let myself drown in the pain I felt.

3 days later, Adarsh is all over my instagram feed.
Paparazzi says- "Adarsh Dasgupta spotted at Kolkata airport. Where is he going?"
Canada...also thats non of anyone's business.
Then he dropped a post.

There were loads of comments, people wishing him for his greater journey. People blaming the court for his suicide attempt. Fan girls begging him to stay. More speculations abt his 'Ekla Chalo Re' about his relationships. Everyone knew abt his family....I was the next target. There were comments saying "Did Kashvi Sen leave him too?"
"Did he leave Kashvi sen?" Well yes...he did.
Dad released our interview to clear the air.

Adarsh disappered after that. He just vanished. He would post pictures of the weather, cars and all shit but him. If I look into his feed before the arrest, It was all abt his sport, his family, him and Kolkata. Now its just Canada. I know he is in Canada but the world can never make out from his pictures.

I won award this year. 'FEARLESS JOURNALISM' award. Oh boy, I am so fearless I slept with a murderer.
My acceptance speech went viral.

"I am greatly honored to be here tonight and to win this award. I never thought I would win a award like this. The case which got me this award, I am thankful to that case. That case brought me lots of trolls and accusations. I had never imagined getting trolled. I didn't loose my courage because I saw the good in someone whom everyone presumed to be bad. I trusted what I saw. Journalism is not about gossip or outing people's personal life. Its about presenting the facts to public who deserve to know. Thats good journalism. Thank you my family and colleagues. Everyone have a good night. Jai Maa Durga"

Some people literally stood up and clapped for me. That was unexpected. The award was unexpected.
I saw good in a criminal. I believe in the good I saw. Even though he may never admit it. But I must admit. He wasn't as good as I thought he would be. He....wasn't a very good person. He was a morally grey fucked up person. And I didn't loose courage because...I had no time for that. I had to understand my own emotion other than the fact that I....Loved Him. I was too busy fighting with him, saving him from dying, having sex, covering some bruises, hating him that I didn't think what a big mess I was in. I guess...not thinking about it made it look nothing and I got out of the mess.

He is not the reason for this award. I am the reason for this award.

I am sitting in my house's balcony. The award in fron me and watching the view of Howgly Bridge and the people around it.
My eyes suddenly get covered with someones palms. And brought something near my nose. It smelled familiar

"Guess karo kya hai?"

"Fish fry!"

"Thats right my gurl"

He removed his palms and I hugged him.

"Tum kab aaye Canada se??"

"Aaj hi. Tumhe award mile aur main na aau...aisa kabhi ho sakta hai kya Meri Jaan!"

"You are too sweet!"

"Congratulations My Fearless Journalist! What a speech!"

"Hehehe thank you! Ab chalo khaate hai"

We started eating. Dad called so I picked up. He and Mom congratulated me.

"Aur kya rahi hu ho?"

"Main fish fry kha rahi hu...Shashank ke saath."

"Shashank Kolkata mein hai?"

I put the phone on speaker.

"Namaste Uncle Aunty! Apki beti ko surprise karne aaya."

"Thats very sweet of you bacche. You guys continue. We don't want to third wheel you."

And dad cut the call. I was soo happy to see Shashank here. I mean...I didn't expect him to be here right now. He was going to come after a month. He fed me a bit of fish with his own hand.

"I love you Kashvi."

He said. He says that often. I never know how to respond.

"Ditto!"

"Kabhi toh I love you too bolo yaar!"

"U know I feel awkward."

"Its good that I know you love me. Varna lagta ki tum mujhse pyaar hi nahi karti"

He joked. I never say it back to him...because I don't feel it. When Shashank told he was going to Canada. All I thought about was....God I can't even take his name!

I am not fine. But I will be fine. 3 weeks of that man can't overpower a year of my life.
.

Sooo peopleesssss! Juda hogaya do pyaar ke panchi! Dekhte hai aage kya hoga hai!

Commentsss plss