Where'd he come from?

I love you.

//I am so sorry I have not been on my game recently school is just a pain in the ass//

It has only occurred to me now, that what I did wasn't the best option.

I really tried to kill myself over a boy?

Well, it wasn't just about a boy, but that was the main reason.

That's pretty fucking dumb.

It's nobody's fault but mine.

Jesus.

Now I have to spend like two months in this place.

Blaire and the nurse enter the room again.

"Can I have my phone, or something?" I ask, about to cry again.

"We don't allow phones, in the ward." The nurse smiles.

It pisses me off.

I'm 26 years old, a full grown adult.

Why do I have to be babied like a 6 year old?

"How long do I have to stay in here?" I ask, clearly upset.

"45 days."

I groan, I'm not crazy!

I'm not insane, like these other people.

I just got a little sad, okay?

Well, fuck.

Guess I have to serve my time.

-

"WOO!!" I yell, "It's my last day, Prada!"

Nurse Prada, the nurse in the room on my first day.

Blaire is here to get me.

Evan came to visit, a lot.

We've made up.

We weren't really mad at each other in the first place.

I've packed all my things, said goodbye to my "friends."

I'm not really friends with them.

I just needed someone to talk to, while I was here.

I dance and sing as I skip out of those doors.

"IM FREE!" I yell.

It really wasn't that bad in there.

I finally got a therapist.

Only took 10 years.

Well whatever, it's behind me.

I'm better now.

I'll tell my stream what happened, in a few days.

-

I will tell them today.

It's been three days since I've been out of the ward.

I look better, much better.

I start the stream, nervous.

I don't really want to tell them, but I do anyway.

"Hey y'all." I say with a sigh, "I'm sure you've been wondering where I've been."

The chat fills with things about how they missed me and asking what happened.

"Hm, where do I start?"

"Lemme just cut to the chase," I take a deep breath, "ya girl was in the mental hospital."

I start laughing.

I don't know why, I just kinda do that.

When something is serious, I laugh.

"I'm being so for real." I say, still giggling.

"Girl why are you laughing?" Someone in the chat said.

"Okay I don't know why I'm laughing, lemme be serious." I say and straighten my back.

"Lemme start from the beginning." I say, taking a sip of water.

"So, me and Evan were dating."

"WERE??" Someone said.

"Yes, he broke up with me." I almost start crying.

"So like, long story short, I slipped into a deep dark depression andddd tried to off myself." I shrug and almost laugh again.

"I know that that's a lot but like, I'm better now."

I know I will never fully be better.

But I don't wanna end up like that again.

"I learned my lesson." I say before signing off.

I will be back to streaming soon.

It's what I love.

I'll produce music one day too.

I'll think back to this day and think, I survived.

I did that.

I didn't die.

I changed myself to try to make people like me more.

I've learned that that's not right.

I've learned what is and isn't the answer.

So to you, the reader.

Cutting isn't the answer.

Burning isn't the answer.

Suicide isn't the answer.

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.

It's not worth it.

I know that it may seem like you are on top of the world when the blade is in your hand.

But you'll feel like your in heaven once you throw it into the woods or trash.

The tears that roll down your face, on your "one week clean anniversary", will feel better than any cut or burn will.

I promise the feeling of being clean is amazing.

It hurts, a lot, but it gets better.

If you're struggling right now, I know you can do it.

You'll find the courage to throw the blade away.

You'll find another way to let out all the anger.

You're strong, hun.

I know you will find all your missing puzzle pieces and heal.

It's possible.

I know it doesn't feel like it, but one day, you'll look at the scars.

And you won't wanna cry.

You'll be proud.

I look at my scars and get sad sometimes.

But one day, it won't.

It won't hurt to see the purple lines on my arm.

And it won't for you either.

I just want you to know,

                              I love you.

//sorry it's been so long I've been so unmotivated but this is also kinda sad that my bad//