Whiskey & Wildflowers

Chapter 30

The final recoupling. Josie stepped under the spray of the showerhead, letting the hot water wash over her as she thought about the text they'd received. She wasn't ready. She had no clue what she was going to do when it was her turn to stand up in front of the fire pit and declare who she wanted to spend the rest of her time in the villa with.

Of course, she knew who that was, but that didn't make her choice any easier. Letting out a sardonic laugh, she rested her forehead on the cold tile. How had she even gotten into this mess? How had she gotten so caught up in feelings that she'd let everything get out of hand? For someone who'd come into the villa with a game plan, she'd done a horrible job of executing it.

Now, there was a battle raging between her heart and her head. Her heart wanted Henrik, possibly more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life — but he might not want her. Her head said to get the plan back on track, to do whatever she needed to do to stay safe. Pick Lucas, act like he was the one she wanted, make it to the final. Would she even be able to pull it off? And what would that mean for her and Henrik? Maybe with the pressure off, he would find it in him to forgive her... or maybe it would be the final nail in the coffin.

Sighing, she straightened and picked up her shampoo, squeezing a dollop of product out and working it into her hair. There was no denying that she'd fucked up, but she wanted to do better. She wanted a chance to do better. Making mistakes was just part of learning, wasn't it? She was learning. Relationships were new to her, as was the whole concept of putting another's feelings before one's own.

But seeing Henrik's hurt and knowing she'd been the one to cause it had broken a piece inside her, and she didn't want to do that to him again — didn't want to hurt him or be the reason for his pain. For the first time in her life, someone else's feelings mattered to her. It hurt like hell to see him suffer at her hands and not be able to do anything about it; to see him every day and not be with him. She missed his smile; she missed making him laugh; she missed the way he made her laugh. She wanted his kindness and joy for living to rub off on her. Wanted to go on adventures with him, to see him at his happiest and just to be around him.

She'd never felt like this for anyone... and it scared her. But the idea of him not taking her back scared her more.

It was going to be a long day... and she needed to have some serious conversations.

***

Josie absentmindedly chewed on the straw in her water bottle as she watched Lucas walk away from the fire pit and move towards the pool, his tanned skin gleaming under the already scorching sun, accentuating every curve of his muscles. Not for the first time, she wondered what things would be like if he'd never left. If she hadn't developed feelings for someone else.

The bench around the fire pit where she still sat was boiling, but she didn't move except to tuck one of her feet beneath her. If she burned, well... it would only be what she deserved after everything.

Lucas laughed at something someone on the beanbags said as he walked by, giving the group gathered there a little wave before descending the staircase into the pool. He waited until the water was up to his waist before ducking to submerge himself the rest of the way, coming up again only once he reached the edge at the far end.

He didn't want to be anyone's second choice. He'd already told her that once, but reiterated it in their conversation moments earlier. He had other options, and if she was going to pick him, he expected her to put her full energy into him. Which meant if there were any last, lingering embers left between her and Henrik, she'd be left with no choice but to extinguish them.

The thought sent a cold shiver down her spine despite the sun beating down on her. She wasn't ready for that to happen. But did she even have a choice when Henrik wasn't even ready to talk to her?