Only You....

Aftermath..

It has been six weeks since Arnav and I got married... A few things have changed in the past six weeks... We moved to his house the next day of our marriage, which he shared with Akash and Payel... Both of them welcomed me very warmly, Payal tried to be friends with me and make me feel at home, but I was rigid and preferred to stay in my room mostly... Amma went on a Tirth Yatra, as she always wanted to do that after I got married.. I stopped going to the office, and Arnav arranged a home office for me... I tried to contact Robi behind Arnav's back but couldn't; he had been moved to a different jail, and no one had told me anything about it...

Throughout these past weeks, one thing that stayed the same was my behavior towards Arnav... I kept giving him the silent treatment, almost like I was just a robot to him... Whenever he asked me something, I'd only answer with a yes, no, or short words...Even though Arnav tried to talk to me, make me laugh, and give me choices, I remained unresponsive... The day after our wedding, he asked if I wanted to change anything in our room. I said, 'No.' Then he mentioned that half of his walk-in closet was empty and I could use it however I wanted. I just replied with, 'ok.'.. He even asked if I wanted to go somewhere with him for our honeymoon, and I just said, 'As he wishes.'... When he mentioned about working from home, he asked if I wanted to go to the office with him, I answered, 'If he wishes.' He mentioned setting up an office for me in his huge library if I didn't want to go, and once again, I replied, 'Whatever he wishes.'

He was a little surprised by my action and seemed to tread carefully around me, unsure how to navigate the silence that had enveloped our relationship... He hugged me, kissed me, and tried to be intimate with me, maybe he thought physical proximity would remove the mental distance between us, but again, I surrendered to him like a lifeless doll... He never crossed a curtain boundary and got frustrated seeing my no response but I didn't mend a bit from my ultra submissive behavior..

At times, I caught glimpses of concern and sorrow flickering in his eyes, but I brushed them aside, refusing to acknowledge he has any feelings for me... After my mother came back form the Yathra she moved in with us, when I asked her the reason she said Arnav requested her a lot to stay with us as he thinks staying alone is not a good option for her.. I know all of his action was for me, to make me behave normal with him, make me accept this relationship..

Since my childhood I was very independent and my wishes was the most important thing in my house as I was the only child, I always did what I wanted to do.. my parents rarely imposes their wishes on me, so it was very tough for me to accept Arnav forced me for something like marriage.. I was not able to accept this relationship, on top of that the reason of our breakup was killing me from inside.. The person I thought as my prince charming was actually far from that, and that feeling was disheartened for me..

I was going crazy, you know why, because despite my efforts to distance myself from Arnav, there was a part of me that couldn't deny the love I felt for him.. It was confusing and painful to admit, especially when I felt like he was trying to control me.. I resented him for making decisions for me, yet I couldn't shake the feeling of longing specially when I saw him hurt.. Such a weird relationship it is, he hurt me so much still his pain bothers me.. Probably that's why people say love is beyond logic..The constant battle between my love and hate for him tore me apart from inside.. I knew I was being stubborn and unreasonable, but I couldn't seem to let go of the resentment that had built up inside me.. Every time he tried to bridge the gap between us, I pushed him away, unable to trust that his intentions were genuine.. May be just like once you love someone you can not unlove them, same way once someone break your trust you cant trust them again..

A week ago, it was late at night and the house was draped in a heavy silence when Arnav stumbled through the door, his steps unsteady and his breath was heavy with the scent of alcohol... My heart clenched with worry as I noticed the gash on his hand, a crimson streak against his pale skin.. I got really panicked and rushed to help him, forgetting all the anger and distance between us...