Seeking Solace

Chapter 20

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji talked a little after they had both calmed down and regained their senses once Wei Wuxian had woken up and he made sure to put some distance between them, embarrassed that he had openly wept in Lan Zhan’s arms like a child and succumbed to exhaustion and confused still by Lan Zhan’s actions still, holding some disbelief that someone as good as Lan Zhan cared for, and even possibly loved him. 

The silence that followed after had been a little awkward, because Wei Wuxian wasn’t fully himself. He didn’t know what to say to Lan Zhan after all of that. He had literally come back from the dead, and there was a lot on his mind right now. He wasn’t sure how he felt about everything, and from being dead and suddenly brought back to life…he had a lot to sort through and take in. 

 Wei Wuxian felt a little off balance, he didn’t know what to say, where he would even begin, which was so unlike how he used to be before he became known as the Yiling Patriarch. He was at a loss for words and his emotions were all over the place, chaotic. 

He knew one thing though, he was utterly undeserving of Lan Zhan. He studied Lan Zhan’s face, which seemed worried and some relief? And affection? The worry and concern seemed to be the most prominent. Wei Wuxian couldn’t bear his piercing gaze.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian whispered as he looked away, closing his eyes, “please leave.”

  

Please go, Lan Zhan. I can’t, I can’t do this right now. It’s all too much. Please, don’t look at me, don’t look at me. I’m not worthy of your love, of your kindness, your warmth. I’m a failure. Please, please just leave me be. You are better off without me around to stain your life. 

“Wei Ying…?” Lan Zhan sounded hurt, and worried but Wei Wuxian didn’t say another word, or look at Lan Zhan without it hurting. 

But Lan Wangji didn’t want to leave him to suffer alone, he didn’t want to give up and tried to get Wei Wuxian’s attention to no avail, until Wei Wuxian snapped, not even registering the words he spat from his mouth, he was just desperate for the other to leave.

“Go away! Get lost!”

Don’t look at me, don’t look at me, don’t look at me. DON’T LOOK AT ME.

Leave, just leave. Please. 

Lan Wangji flinched, eyes wide with pain and worry. His lips trembled as he struggled  to find words to say, to reach Wei Ying. He slowly reached out a trembling hand as if to touch Wei Ying’s shoulder before halting and slowly pulling his hand away. Lan Wangji closed his eyes for a moment and gave a heavy sigh before pulling to stand on his feet. He stared at Wei Ying for a moment longer before opening the door and left the room. He closed it gently behind him and turned, slowly walking away from Wei Ying, with each step feeling heavier and his heart sinking more and more, aching.

I’ll wait for however long you will need, Wei Ying, I’m here. This time I will stay close by your side, Wei Ying. Always. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Chenqing stood with the others back in the Jiang Sect. Lan Xuan was across from them and there were others in the room. Jiang Wanyin, Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan, Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen, and the Nie brothers in a discussion about Jin Guangshan, Jin Guangyao, who were tied up in the center. And Su She who they had yet to search for, and who Suibian was out currently hunting for now. 

Chenqing also pondered another one he was concerned about, someone who may be a problem in the future. Which was none other than Xue Yang.

He had a premonition…of a sort when he used his powers to show A-Ying’s memories. With his high cultivation of his past life as Yanling Darren and the knowledge accumulated over time, it’s possible for say - normally immortal cultivators to glimpse into the future if they wished to, or should he say possibilities of different future outcomes.