The First Summer of Forever

Chapter 4 - Nerves

Conrad

As good as I am at fucking things up, I decided to try my best to make today perfect for Belly. I know I'm not an open book by any means, but I've gotten better at communicating my feelings, at least with Belly. Especially since we wasted so much time apart because I was too afraid to express how I really felt.

When I think about how much time I wasted, I feel so stupid. Luckily, she makes it easier, despite the never-ending effect she has on me. I've made it my mission to tell her every little thing I feel to make this day perfect in every way. It's hard to remember to let my walls down, even with Belly sometimes, so today, I wanted to make sure she knows how much I adore her, how I've wanted this day just as much as she has since we were young, and how I've been head over heels in love with her since I was twelve.

As I set Belly down, I looked past her and saw candles everywhere. Oh, God. I knew Taylor and Steven were up to something when they left the reception early, after the toasts. I just didn't think it would be this.

There were rose petals scattered along the floor, leading up the stairs. 'Well done, Steven. I bet you loved lighting romantic candles and spreading rose petals for your little sister's wedding night,' I thought. He had to have had a few drinks in him for this. I'm sure Taylor would have forced him anyway if he'd refused, so he just went along with it. Whatever Taylor wants, Taylor gets when it comes to Steven. She has him so whipped. But what can I say... Belly has me completely under her spell.

I turned to look at Belly. She was so beautiful standing in the candlelight. The light reflected in her eyes, creating a warm caramel-amber glow that set me on fire.

"It's beautiful," she whispered.

"You have no idea. I wish you could see what I'm seeing. It's breathtaking," I said softly.

Belly had a look on her face that I hadn't quite seen before. Was she nervous? Tired? Did she feel like just going to sleep? What she didn't know was that I was nervous as hell. My heart was racing so loudly and fast, I could hear it in my eardrums. I wanted to make this night everything she's ever dreamed of. I wanted to physically show her how much I loved her, even though I know it's not possible. I couldn't possibly do enough to convey exactly how I feel about her.

Belly grabbed my hand and whispered, "Do you want to go upstairs?"

"Are you ready to go to sleep?" I asked.

"...Er... not quite yet," she answered, pulling me to her gently.

Okay, so Belly's not playing coy tonight, I see. That makes things easier. With that, I took her hand and led her up the stairs, following the rose petals. My God, this was cheesy. But I didn't even care. I knew Belly was probably loving it.

As we climbed the stairs, I felt a mix of nostalgia and sadness. This house was once my mother's sanctuary. She had cherished this room more than any other space in the house. It had been her favorite place in the world, where she found solace and joy. She had made it our favorite place too, a sanctuary for all of us. But now, she is gone, and every corner of this house reminded me of her absence. Belly missed her just as much as I did.

I had most of my mom's things moved to the spare room that Laurel used to use for writing. I hired one of my dad's designers to update the suite to make it feel more like ours and less like my parents'. It was ironic, really. I had to rely on my dad's resources to transform the room, even though he had betrayed the memory of my mom in the worst way. The pain of his infidelity was still fresh in my mind. It had been a deep cut, made worse by the fact that he'd cheated on her while she was sick. It felt like a betrayal not just of her, but of everything we had been as a family. I shuddered at the thought and quickly shook it from my mind. This was supposed to be a new beginning for us, not a reminder of what we had lost.

As I approached the door, I felt a pang of sadness, but also a sense of bittersweet comfort. This room, filled with memories and love, would now be ours to share. What would be waiting for us? Rose petals on the bed? Towel animals? Chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne? It didn't matter—whatever it was, the only thing that mattered to me tonight was Belly.