The First Summer of Forever

Chapter 22- Dizzy

Belly

I woke up the next morning half naked, my lacy black underwear still on. I must have gotten hot during the night and taken some of my clothes off. I honestly couldn't remember. Conrad was still asleep as I rolled over and rubbed my eyes. All of a sudden, I had the urge to throw up. My mouth was watering, and I knew what was about to happen. I ran to the bathroom and barely made it there in time, aiming straight for the toilet.

Conrad heard me and was up in no time, leaning over me, holding up my hair, which had fallen out of its bun during the night. I wrenched into the toilet a few times, and when I was done, I felt lightheaded and clammy. "I must have drunk way too much last night." I said. "I didn't think you drank this much." Conrad said. "You've drank more than that without getting sick before."

"Well, maybe it was my seafood pasta or something."

"Maybe." Conrad said. "Go get a cool shower and see if you feel better." Conrad suggested, rubbing my back, and then helping me up from the floor.  And it did help. I felt better after the shower.

Later that day, the nausea had passed, so we went ahead with our plans for the day. We had gone kayaking that morning in the mangroves, and then after lunch we went on a historical tour of the little White House and the lighthouse. We were just getting done with the lighthouse tour. Walking around and around in circles going down the stairs was making me dizzy.

We were coming back down the stairs when I started to feel queasy again. "Conrad." I said, starting to panic. About that time, we were reaching the door, and I felt my mouth watering again. Oh no. I jolted to the door and made it out onto the grass before I threw up again.  I looked up at Conrad, and his face was painted with worry. "Belly, you're white as a sheet. I think we need to go back. Let's stop at the pharmacy and get you some medicine and ginger ale."

There was a drugstore  tucked into a small building down the block, and I waited on the  bench outside while Conrad went in to get everything. He came back out with a bag and pulled out a cold bottle of ginger ale, some anti-nausea medicine, and saltine crackers out of the plastic bag, but there was something else in there. "What's that?" I said, grabbing the bag and looking inside. When I saw what was inside, it stunned me. There were two different kinds of pregnancy tests in the bag. "What... Conrad, I'm on the pill." I said, confused.

"I know, but I just got it as a precaution. To rule it out. Birth control pills aren't completely foolproof. It happens sometimes. I just want to be sure." I couldn't believe it. But then I did the mental math. I had my period  before the wedding, and it had been three weeks since the wedding. Time stood still for a moment.

"Yeah, let's go back", I said in a daze. Conrad hailed a taxi that took us back quickly to the hotel. Once there, I rushed up to our room and ran into the bathroom shutting the door with the bag in my hand. Conrad waited outside the door, giving me a minute to myself. I grabbed one of the disposable bathroom cups from the counter that was wrapped in plastic and sat on the toilet, peeing into the cup. When I finished, I sat the cup on the counter and unwrapped one of the tests, sticking it into the cup.

Conrad cracked the door open and came in slowly. I could tell he was just as nervous as I was. "We have to wait two minutes." I said as I put the cap back on the test and laid it flat down on the counter. He started a timer on his phone and grabbed my hand, pulling us both to sit on the side of the tub. I felt like I was gonna pass out. I got all sweaty and felt like I needed to lie down soon.

Neither one of us said anything for two whole minutes. My mind was spinning a hundred miles per hour. My whole life was either about to change, or it wasn't. And I wasn't exactly sure which outcome I wanted. I knew I wanted to be a mom, someday. Did I want to be one so soon? Should I just be thankful that this was even an option for me? I felt guilty for feeling like this might not be something I want right now. The timer chimed and Conrad grabbed the test off the counter and handed it to me. I took a deep breath in and took the test from him, then flipped the test over to see the results.

I turned the test over and exhaled the large breath of air I had been holding. My breath hitched back in when I saw the results. Two strong pinkish red lines. I was pregnant. I checked the package again, just to make sure I had it right. What? I can't even believe this. I had a million questions. How did this happen? Why did my pills not work? I wasn't even sure how I felt about this.

When I imagined being married to Conrad, of course I knew I wanted children with him. But I wasn't ready for it to be so soon. We had a plan. We needed to stick to that plan. Now that we finally had each other, I thought we would have a few years to ourselves, soaking up that newlywed bliss. Having late night pizza and movie night dates at home, cooking breakfast for each other the next morning, having friends over for a glass of wine; doing whatever we wanted, when we wanted.

I handed the test to Conrad, who just stared at it when he saw it. He immediately knew when he laid his eyes on it. I couldn't tell how he was feeling at first, but then I knew.  He was almost frozen there, his eyes distant. They looked unfocused and far off. He ran his fingers through his floppy hair and finally spoke.

"Shit. How did this happen..." he trailed off. He got up, and paced the hotel room while I went and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Shit"- not exactly the word you want to hear from your husband when he finds out you are pregnant.

"Did you skip any of your pills?" he asked, accusingly. Was he mad? I knew that this wasn't our plan, so I expected him to be just as taken back as I was, but he seemed angry. I never once dreamed this would ever be how this could go. ever.

"Conrad, no, of course not!" I almost shouted the words, they hurt me so badly. Did he think I would be skipping pills on purpose? Because I wasn't that type of girl.

"I just don't understand how this happened, then". He said, matter of factly.

"I don't know, Conrad, I don't know!" I was getting frustrated. And when I got frustrated, I always cried.

Conrad was still pacing the room when he headed towards the door. "I'm sorry, Belly. I. I, I need to take a minute." I noticed him grab at his chest before running his hands through his hair again. He took the hotel card key and opened the door to leave. "I just need some time to think."

"Conrad, wait." I called out.

He closed his eyes, exhaled a deep breath, then he walked out the door leaving me alone to wonder what the hell he was thinking, and trying to process how I was feeling too. I put my head in my hands and cried.

         I cried until my head hurt. I didn't feel like I could possibly have any tears left at all. My eyes felt puffy and swollen. I was curled up in the bed and was watching reruns of friends while I cried. It was getting dark outside and there was still no sign of Conrad. I was getting worried. I had called and texted him several times but he wasn't answering, which wasn't a good sign.

Picking up my phone, my hands were shaking as I dialed a familiar number in my phone that I haven't dialed in so long. It rang twice, and then I heard the voice I was waiting to hear on the other end of the line. When I didn't say anything, because I was shocked he even picked up, he said, "Belly? Are you okay?" When I still couldn't muster up the words to say anything, he said " Dammit Belly. Are you okay?" I couldn't help but cry and my voice was shaking and high pitched when I said "I don't think so."