The First Summer of Forever

Chapter 24- Meant to Be

Conrad

I just had to get out of there. The room suddenly felt like it was closing in on me, a million thoughts and anxieties racing through my mind. I can't believe I just did that to Belly. I just walked out with no explanation. That's what the old Con would have done. Not the new me. Not the husband I'm supposed to be. I just freaked, man.

That wasn't what I was planning to do. If the test was negative, we would have taken a breath of relief and hugged each other, knowing that it would come someday, just not now. On the other hand, if the test was positive, I had planned to take Belly by the hand and tell her everything would be okay. I was going to take her in my arms and hold her there until she wanted to break away. I was going to be supportive either way, knowing that whatever happens, we would tackle it together. But my brain and body betrayed me in that moment. First of all, I was in shock. How in the hell did this happen? Did Belly accidentally skip a pill or something? No... that wasn't it, I  saw her take them multiple times, so I knew she had been taking them.

This was all my fault. I'm a medical student, and I know how this shit works for god's sake. Birth control isn't always 100% effective all of the time. I should have used secondary protection. I should have been tracking her cycles too. At the very least, the withdrawal method. But I thought we were safe. I was trusting the pills to do their job.

Shit, I mean we were married now, so if we did get pregnant it wouldn't be the end of the world, right? It wouldn't be out of wedlock... that's what is so taboo about it, right? But I know what everyone will be thinking-that we were pregnant before the wedding, which wasn't true. I was worried about what Laurel might think. I know she probably wasn't ready for me and Belly to have a baby. To be a grandmother. I remember how she reacted to Belly and Jere when she thought she was pregnant back then, not knowing they had never even been with each other in that way.  I was pacing the dock of the marina where our boat was, smoking a joint that I bummed off some dude with dreads to calm my nerves when my phone vibrated in my pocket, again. This time, it wasn't Belly, it was Jere. Why would he be calling me on my honeymoon? I answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"What the fucking hell man!?" Jere pretty much yelled into the phone.

"Excuse me?" I asked, confused.

"Belly is worried about you. She doesn't know where you are."

"Relax! Jere, I'm fine. I'm just down by the dock, checking in on the boat."

"That's bullshit and you know it. Belly told me you were upset."

"Wait, she called you?"

"Yeah. She didn't know who else to call. You better be fucking glad it wasn't Stephen. I'm pretty sure he would want to beat your ass for making her cry like that."

"She was crying?"

"Yeah, and I made her tell me why she had been crying, Con. She sounded like she had been crying for a long time. Her nose was all stuffed up the way she gets when she cries for a while. She couldn't even breathe. I could tell. I could hardly understand her on the phone..." he trailed off. I stayed silent. I didn't even know what to say. There was nothing I could say to change what I had done. I felt like a complete piece of shit.

"Conrad. I know... I know she's pregnant, man."

"What? Did she tell you that?" I all but shouted into the phone. Why the fuck was Belly talking to Jeremiah about this? It's almost like he read my thoughts because then he said,

"I made her tell me what happened. Conrad, she used to be my best friend. We used to try and read each other's thoughts, remember? Besides, it's not that hard to read Belly." He said, and I stayed silent. There were no words coming. It was like my mind and body were just frozen. 

"Conrad. You need to go to her and tell her everything is gonna be ok. She is just as freaked out as you are," he said to me.

Was Jere really trying to give me advice? Trying to help me after everything I had done? Maybe he really was the better brother. Belly probably would have been better off with him instead. I bet if he were in my shoes right now, he would be elated. Of course he would. He never had a care in the world. Whatever happened, happened. That was always Jere's philosophy. But he was right. No matter how I was feeling, I couldn't imagine how she, the one who is actually pregnant, is feeling right now. And the right thing to do is put my sorry ass feelings aside and comfort her.  There was a long pause. Jeremiah was waiting for me to say something, anything. I took a deep breath and exhaled it, trying my best to get rid of all of this fear that I had trapped inside of me.

"....Yeah....you're right, Jere." I finally said. " I am just freaked out, man. I didn't think this day was coming anytime soon, little on, our honeymoon, for God's sake. I thought we had plenty of time. I thought I would have plenty of time to prepare to be a dad. A good one- not like our dad."

"Con, you are gonna be a good dad. Because... you have an example of what you don't want to be.. That's just gonna make you strive that much harder not to be like him. You don't have anything to be worried about, dude... so, how far along is she?"

"She can't be very far along. I know she had her period right before the wedding."

"Damn that was fast... is she on birth control?"

"Yeah.... that's why I don't understand how this happened."

"Con, some things happen for a reason. They can't be explained.  They're just meant to be. I've learned that from experience lately."

    Jere had that more optimistic side of him like our mom. I, on the other hand, was more cynical of things. Always waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath my feet. It's weird, Mom always had exactly the right words to say. I think Jeremiah had that quality too. He always said the right thing when it counted.

"Thanks for calling me, man. I needed a kick in the ass." my voice cracking.

"Damn right you did." was all he said, with a laugh.

"You good now, bro?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I need to go apologize to Belly. I feel like a complete piece of shit." My eyes were leaking.

"Hey Jere?" I said, sniffling snot back into my nose that had started to run.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks, man"

" No problem dude. That's what brothers are for." he said, and then he hung up the phone.

I started walking back to the hotel, when a cart on the street caught my eye. It was a little old lady with salt and pepper hair in one long braid, making floral arrangements and bouquets, presumably making them and selling them to couples going on dates. I went over and pointed at the orchids. "Can you make me something special with one of those?" I asked her. She nodded her head and smiled the softest smile at me, her kind eyes wrinkling up at the sides.  After she was done, she handed it to me in a plain brown paper bag. When I reached for it, she grabbed my hand and placed hers on top of mine. "She's going to love it. Everything is going to be okay. Just tell her how you feel." She said, looking straight into my eyes as if she could peer into my soul. There was a familiar-ness about her, like she was someone I had known my entire life. And that's when I realized- it's like my mom finds the most creative ways to speak to me since she's been gone, helping me find my way, always leading me back to Belly.