The First Summer of Forever

Chapter 26- Questions

"What was that all about?" Rebecka asked me, puzzled, referring to the phone conversations I just had with Belly and Conrad. Shit. After those phone calls, I had no choice but to tell her about Belly. "Who is... Belly?" She asked, saying her name slowly as if she was questioning whether or not she had it right.
"Ok. Rebecka." I let out a deep breath. "What I'm about to explain to you is a little loaded, okay. Can you just promise to keep an open mind? Before I even start, you should know that I'm absolutely crazy about you. Like, I've never felt like this about anyone, okay?"
"Okay..." she said, questionably, and then paused to listen.
"Ok. So Belly is my mom's best friend's daughter. We grew up together, here at the summer house- every summer. You met Laurel, that's her mom-Stephen is her brother, and Taylor is her best friend." I had invited Beck over one day for lunch and relaxing by the pool, and she met everyone, but we really didn't socialize that much with everyone just yet.
"Oh, okay. Yeah." She said, in an upbeat way.
"But wait, that's not all, Beck."
"It isn't?"
"Not even close."
"Okay...., I'm ready."
"So, we grew up with Belly, but her whole life she's always like, been in love with Conrad. They're married now; remember I told you about their wedding the other day? They dated for a little while when we were teenagers. After our mom died, they broke up, and..." I sighed, hesitating. "This sounds so crazy- messy. But Belly and I had a thing."
"Okay, like, define 'thing', Jeremiah."
"Okay, well I had a crush on her the same summer that she and Conrad started talking more.... But she chose Conrad. After they broke up, we dated for a while."
"How long?"
"Um... two years. While we were at Finch." I squinted my eyes waiting for her to scream, or yell, or get mad.
"What?"
"Yes, really. And..."
"Go on," she nudged.
I took a deep breath, and just said it.
"We were engaged in college." She was quiet for what seemed like forever. I wished she would say something- anything to give me a clue about how she was feeling about this. With the exception of Belly, I had never even come close to feeling this way about anyone. Even with Belly, it didn't feel like this. That's why I wanted to tell her. To be completely honest, lay it all out, so she knows, so she can trust me.
"No way, this is like...lifetime movie shit" She said, almost giggling about it. I was stunned. She was taking this remarkably well, I thought.
"So what happened?" She pried.
"Conrad happened. A lot of things happened. The night before our wedding, he professed his love for Belly. He told her everything. That he never stopped loving her- that he could never love anyone else. When Belly told me, I was so mad. I wanted to kill him. I told him I never wanted to see him again. I was still going to marry her though, because she was still game for it. She told me she didn't love him still, that they were over, but I could see it in her eyes-she'd never stop loving Conrad, and I couldn't bear it. I couldn't live like that. I didn't want to share the girl I was marrying with anyone, much less my brother. Not to mention, when I opened the letter that my mom had written for me to read on my wedding day, the envelope had my name on it, but when I opened it, it said: "Dear Conrad..." And that was when I knew. It was always meant to be Conrad.

So I walked away that day, and so had he. He left before she and I had time to talk about everything, assuming the wedding was still happening. He didn't want to stick around. But it never happened.There's more to the story, it was just so much.

Looking back, I don't know why I didn't see it before. Maybe I did, I knew better, but I ignored my gut and proposed to Belly anyway."

"Oh wow. Oh my gosh. So, why did you propose?"

"I was stupid-really fucking stupid. I was 20 and dumb." I couldn't believe Beck was just sitting there, listening intently, no sign of hatred building up in her. She genuinely cared and wanted to listen. But this next part, I was worried about.

"My sophomore year at Finch, my frat went to Cabo for spring break. Belly didn't want me to go, and she didn't want to go with me, so we got into a fight. We broke up. I should have called her the next day and made up, but I didn't. I wanted her to see how unreasonable she was being. So I went to Cabo.

The whole time, this girl from Zeta Phi kept following me around. She wouldn't leave me alone. I was weak. I gave in. Belly and I never.... uh, we never.... you know. So I took advantage of the fact that Belly and I were on a break. I knew without a doubt I would apologize to her and we would get back together when I got back. But I didn't let that stop me from hooking up with Lacie. I was really dumb."

"Wow. So What happened when you got back? Did you tell her?"

"Not exactly.... Yes, I did eventually tell her, but not the right way. She found out because she overheard Lacie and her friend talking about me at a frat party. I wanted to tell her sooner, I just didn't want to break her heart. I knew it would shatter her. And that was what Conrad was good at, not me. I just couldn't do it. I was so ashamed.

"I wanted to prove my love for her, that I was serious about us. I didn't want to lose her, so I threw a Hail Mary. I proposed, and she said yes. But when Conrad found out the night of my bachelor party, that's when he told her everything and how he'd been feeling since they broke up. It was wild."

"Oh. Okay. Wow." Was all she said. I searched her eyes for some sign that she still wanted me.

"But Beck, I'm not like that anymore. I promise. Please don't let this change the way you look at me. Please. I was so freaking stupid. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made... but it worked out how it was supposed to. If it never happened, I wouldn't have met you that day on the beach. I'm telling you all of this because I want you to hear it from me....and.... I don't want to lose you." I let out- one long string of words trailing out of my mouth.

I'm not sure how much time passed while I was waiting for her to say something. I was going crazy inside, waiting. She started to speak, and then stopped, and then started again.

"Jeremiah, we have all done some pretty stupid things when we're young. That's why they call it "young and stupid"." She nudged me with her arm as she leaned over to me. "Thank you for sharing all of that with me. I'm glad you did. But it doesn't change anything. I don't care about your past, I only care about your future." She said, and I have never felt so relieved in my life.

I had an overwhelming urge to tell her I loved her, right then and there. But I had to wait, because we had only been seeing each other for three weeks. So instead, I leaned over and kissed her.
"So, I have just one more question."
"Shoot."
"If Conrad walked away that day, how did he and Belly end up together again?"
"Yeah. So last May, they reconnected with one another after after a couple of years apart, and then things went pretty fast from there. They dated for like- literally a few weeks before he asked her to go to Cali with him, they moved in together, a few months later he proposed, and they were married 6 months after that. I guess you don't need to take a lot of time when you've known someone your entire life."

"Damn. Talk about family drama. I'm sorry you had to go through that. How did you take all of that?"

"Well, pretty shitty, honestly, until I met you. I've never met anyone like you. I've never felt this way about anyone, not even Belly. Right before I met you on the beach I was sitting there on the sand just trying to make sense of everything. Belly and Conrad had just left on their honeymoon, and I was losing it inside. I felt like nothing would ever be right again. And then you walked up to me. It was total serendipity. Beck, I think, actually-I'm pretty sure- I'm in love with you. I..." I paused, searching her face for any sign that I wasn't terrifying her. "...love you." I finished, unsure of how she would react.

"Jeremiah," she paused for what felt like forever. "I think... I feel the same way. I love you too.I thought I was crazy," she laughed. I let out the breath I didn't realize I had been holding, in relief.

"Well, maybe we are.... but maybe we're not." I said, smiling at her. And then I kissed her like I had never kissed anyone. I felt like I was floating. I felt all warm and tingly on the inside. And like, I don't know-like I knew without a doubt, this girl was it for me. She was the one.