Enchanted- jj mccarthy [UNEDITED]

21

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When Rutger told me that Rhett was coming back around I didn't want to believe it at first. I was able to act like it wasn't happening, but once he started texting me I couldn't deny it. Everything is getting harder. Rutger has tried to keep me as calm as possible, but that works only to a certain extent. He also doesn't know the true extent of how far Rhett can and will go to get to me. I was worried about what would happen to Rutger and the boys. If he finds me I don't want them to get hurt.

As we were sitting around the living room I scrolled through all of the pictures and videos I had on my phone. I didn't realize how far back I scrolled when I saw the pictures of Rhett and I. I looked so different in these pictures. It was when the abuse already started. It may look like he's trying to take a cute picture by having me be so close to him, but what you can't see are the bruises I hid with my makeup and his tight, threatening grip on my shoulders. The day of this picture we were hanging out with Rutger. It was supposed to be a happy day, but Rhett was always overly jealous of my brother.

I didn't realize I was staring at the picture for so long until I felt JJ rubbing my arm up and down. Once I snapped out of it I tried to lock my screen, but it was too late. Both JJ and Rutger saw what I was looking at. Rutger looked mad and concerned and JJ just looked at me waiting to see my reaction to all of this. I just kept a straight face. I truly didn't know how to react. I just walked over to Rutger and gave him a hug. I could tell that he was trying to keep his cool. Although I just wanted to go to bed and never leave it I tried to remain somewhat calm while trying to be there for my big brother. Once I knew that he was okay I walked off to his room and laid down in bed. I scrolled on my phone and put my Airpods Max on. I blasted my music and just stared off into space. After fifteen minutes both JJ and Rutger walked in. They both tried to get me to talk to them, but I just didn't know what to say or how to feel.

It was getting late and everyone decided to go to sleep. JJ went home, but not before giving me a kiss and a hug goodbye. Although everyone was asleep I was in the same position I was when I first laid down. I couldn't get any sleep and just felt numb. The hours went by and I felt Rutger stand up and get ready for practice. I knew I also had to get up, but couldn't. When Rutger looked at me he started to look worried because the only time I became like this was right after what I went through with Rhett. I stood up and just put my shoes on. When Rutger was ready I followed him to the car and sat quietly. When we arrived I didn't say hi to anybody and wasn't interacting with them like I did just the day before. Everybody noticed a difference, but no one asked.

I sat down and just randomly clicked the button on the camera to take pictures and kept my other phone recording. Even when Ethan, Luca, Mark, Adam, Luke and Rutger tried to make conversation with me I answered with short responses. This continued to worry Rutger. As soon as practice was over I went back to Rutger's place and laid back down in bed. I went to sleep. Everyone tried to get me to eat something and come into the living room, but I just wanted to be in my own world. As I was laying on the extra bed in Rutger's room I felt my phone buzz. I saw it was JJ. I read his message and then just went back to bed.

Rutger came to check on me. I looked up so he knew that I was still alive and then just put my head back down. He came in and sat next to me. I knew he wasn't going to push me to talk to him, but he just wanted to be there for me. He sat down next to me and just went on his phone. I sat up and put my head on his shoulder. Out of everybody the one person who I know is going through similar emotions as me is him. As I was sitting with him I saw another text from JJ come in. I opened it, but didn't respond. Rutger saw that I didn't respond to JJ. He looked at me questioning why I didn't at least react to his message, but Rutger also didn't try to push the issue. We continued to sit there quietly.

It was getting closer to time to go do media for the football team. I got up and walked out of the room. Ethan was outside and was waiting for me. Today was his day to take me to the Field House. Just like Rutger he wasn't pushing me to say anything to him, but he let me know that he was here for me if I needed anything. Ethan walked me into the Field House and helped me set everything up. Coach Harbaugh and JJ walked out together, both of them looking at us. I didn't acknowledge either of them. Ethan kept helping me set up and making jokes. At some of his jokes I cracked a small smile which I'm sure was a relief to him. Since Ethan was planning on staying for practice he decided to go introduce himself to coach and also talk with JJ. I'm sure JJ is worried and going to ask Ethan questions. I don't care if Ethan says anything or not. I just want to go back to the house and go back to bed.

While Ethan was talking to both of them JJ kept looking at me. To try and calm some of his nerves I gave him a small smile. It definitely was a fake smile, but I tried to make it convincing. Once they finished talking JJ and Ethan walked over to me. Ethan gave me a hug and then sat down next to me. JJ stood there looking at me and unsure of what he should do. I patted the spot on my other side so he could also sit with me. I leaned my head on JJ's shoulder and he put his arm over my shoulder. We stayed like this until JJ had to go onto the field for warm ups and practice. Ethan stayed with me for most of the practice, but he had to go to one of his classes. Since it was Rutger and Kayleigh's date night tonight, Luca would be picking me up and bringing me back to their place.

I've still refused to eat anything or drink anything. Everyone was getting increasingly worried. I packed up all of my things since practice was almost over. Luca was here so he was sitting with me. I know he's worried, but he also doesn't want to push me to say anything. Out of all of the boys besides Rutger and Luke, I trust and am close to Luca and Ethan the most. Over the past couple of weeks we've gotten closer and can talk about anything. They have similar personalities. Both are very thoughtful and caring. Luca tapped my shoulder and handed me his phone showing me something he typed out. It read how are you doing? Please don't try and lie about it. I'm worried about you. I know that this isn't easy so I just want to see where your heads at. I smiled a little bit because I appreciate how he didn't want to bring this up with everyone around us, but also he doesn't want to pressure me into saying anything. Since I still had his phone in my hand I typed out my response. I'm honestly not sure how I'm doing. I won't lie I've been trying to act okay because I don't want Rutger, JJ or you boys to worry, but I know you can all tell that I'm not okay. It isn't easy and it's bringing up all of my old memories and fears. I just feel numb. I don't want to go to class, don't want to come to work and do anything. I barely have the want or need to spend time with any of you. I know you all care, but I just don't feel anything right now. I know I truly care for JJ and want to keep dating him. I know that I love Rutger to death and that he feels the same and is worried about me, but my mind won't let me feel anything. I want to cry but nothing is happening. I just want to lay in bed forever and not leave. After Luca read that he looked shocked, but also nodded in understanding. This is the most I've shared about how I'm actually feeling about this situation to anyone.

We were both in our own world communicating with each other that we didn't realize all of the boys had already started to come out of the locker room in their street clothes. I can tell JJ really wants to ask me questions, but doesn't want to make my mental health worse. I feel bad that JJ has no idea how I'm feeling. I decided to tell Luca that he can tell JJ, Rutger, Luke, and Ethan what I shared. I quickly typed out on my phone, you can show JJ what I wrote on your phone. Luca nodded and handed his phone to JJ. He looked it over and read what I wrote. He had tears in his eyes and handed Luca's phone to him. He gave me a hug and kissed my forehead. I knew JJ had class today so we let go and went our separate ways. I went home with Luca and went back to lay in bed. I kept the lights off and just turned the TV on. Since I haven't gone home in a while I texted Rutger to see if he could go to my place and make sure everything is still okay. He quickly replied that he'd be more than happy to and would grab me some extra clothes and any other stuff he thinks I might need like my hair dryer, makeup kit, face wash, and any other toiletries. It's in moments like these that I'm extremely grateful that I have Rutger as my big brother because he truly is the best.

I must have fallen asleep because I felt the side of my bed tip a little bit. I slightly opened my eyes and saw that it was JJ. His class must have finished. I closed my eyes and I felt him wrap his arms around my waist and pull me closer to him. I know I haven't told him everything, but I'm grateful that he's still here by my side. I moved closer to him and laid my head on his chest. I felt him rubbing my back up and down and this was the first time I truly felt peaceful while trying to sleep. It wasn't long before I felt myself drifting off to a much needed deep sleep.