BEHIND THEIR MIEN

CHAPTER 12- NATHAN

I must have gone crazy. Definitely mad! I was already on edge for the past three weeks as Natalie kept ignoring me....avoiding me. I didn't know why she avoided me and it was driving me crazy. We haven't had many encounters previously but however small they were, I was getting used to her snarky remarks, her sassy attitude and blunt replies and her cold glares....her pure heart.

And when she opened up about her past...such a painful past that now whenever I recall all I see is red in anger, wanting me to break every person that broke her. But after all she did to gain my trust which I unknowingly gave her, her distancing herself was cruel. It felt like salt on wound, seeing her interact and bond with mom dad and Mason, while she avoided me.

She takes care of my parent's diet and food and makes sure they aren't only eating well on time but also that their mental health is fine. She talks and counsels them, takes them out on walks and does some curriculum activities to keep their minds off. Play board games with them and help mom learn new recipes.

Her bond with Mason reminded me of mine with Mary. Protecting older siblings guiding younger ones. She took care of his food and clothes. Guided him back to work to get his mind somewhere off telling him and everyone stories of Mary when she was a child and her early teenage years, some stories we already knew but now from a different point of view. They both work to get Mason's son. It's more than one month now and It was clear that Natalie was getting restless of not being able to find her nephew. But she keeps assuring Mason that he needs to be strong for his son.

But despite her hiding it clearly I was able to see through her strong mein...she was slowly breaking....breaking apart for not finding her nephew...breaking apart because Mary is not getting better. Sometimes I simply stalk and sit outside Mary's room when Natalie is inside, listening to their conversation. How much She still loved her and how much she is sorry for not being able to be there for her and not protecting her. Begging her to wake up, promises and heart wrenching.

Natalie Carson was so much more than just a cold hearted nurse she wanted to portray and she was failing miserably at her so-called mein. Just like now. She wanted to get away from me and again avoid the left over confrontation yet she couldn't....to check up on me. On how I was feeling after finding out about Luke almost a decade after. And that small gesture did something for me. Her multiple non stop small gestures did everything for me. And most of those gestures weren't even for me.

And if I knew any better.....I was definitely falling for her. And I know it's not how she feels. She is here for her sister who is on deathbed and her nephew whose existence she wasn't even aware of and getting involved with her in any way other than platonic will be messy and not acceptable. I pray god gives me strength on self control because I keep losing it to her. And that's what I did just now. She asked me how I felt and instead I embraced her. Not just an awkward embrace.

I held her firmly, my right hand grip firmly pressed at the nape of her neck, pressing her head into my chest and my left hand tightly embracing her waist, pulling her to me. I buried my face into her hair, which smelled like something flowery. The moment felt so complete yet incomplete as my stupid brain started to function back and I noticed her frozen figure.

Dammit! I'm gonna make a fool of myself. Get a hold of yourself Nathan!! You are not a stupid teenager!Focus! Mary, Mason, Baby, Luke, Seattle......Natalie...!

Shaking my head I stepped away from her and just brushed past her and walked out of the stupid cafe with my heart pounding hard. What the hell did I just do!!!!!???? Why!?. She was already highly bent on avoiding me, I can only imagine her being non existing now...after what I've done.

I sit in my car and take deep breaths to calm myself and to think logically. As soon as my brain calms down, facts start to register in my brain. This post meeting was supposed to be the time Me and Natalie discuss what to do with the information we got.... not make an awkward act and then run away. I am losing it for her....