Eaton

24. Help

Tobias p.o.v

I have lived through most of my life having my choices made for me. Any complication that arose would be dealt with by Marcus, all I had to do was listen and obey, and if things went wrong, take the punishment. I have never had any freedom.

Till now.

Now Will is asking me to decide his fate. He's asking me to choose whether I want to keep the only living relative who actually gave a damn about me in my life, or remove him. And I don't know what to do. Part of me is screaming that it's an obvious choice that doesn't require any thought. It's not rocket science, dumbass. He's the only guy who ever gave a damn about you. He helped you. He taught you how to play baseball, he helped you with your homework, he protected you from your father. Obviously, you want him to stay.

It's true, I do want him to stay. I want it more than anything in the world. Will has become something of a father/brother to me over the span of the past few months and I don't want to lose him. I can't bear to lose another family member. I just can't.

But the other part of me, a sly voice wrapping it's tendrils around my brain, coating it with a layer of fear and hatred, advises me against it.

You've seen him angry. You know what he's capable of... and he has the audacity to blame it on his drunken habits. He can be just as bad as Marcus and that's the last thing you need.

He hurt you.

No matter how much you love someone and no matter how much you tell yourself that their goods outweigh their bads... things change. Once you've been hurt by someone you can never go back to how you were before. I can tell myself that it was because he was drunk and that he'll never do it again but it will be useless. Because now the worst has happened. Now I fear him.

Choose.

Will sits next to me, fiddling with his fingers.

"Will, I'm sorry, I"

He nods and rubs his eyes. What are you doing?! Forgive him, idiot!!! Will smiles at me, a pained smile accompanied with eyes which are accepting and loving. What am I doing?

"Look I just, you left the next day, you didn't even say goodbye, I mean-"

"I'm sorry, Marcus wouldn't have it any other way" Wait, what?" I'm sorry kid. I'm so sorry. I won't bother you anymore, I'm sorry."

"What do you mean, Marcus? What did he say to you?"

Will rubs the back of his neck and hesitates. "He uh told me to get lost. But I get it I mean it's totally my fault, he's only right to kick me out, I'm no good."

I feel like the world around me has collapsed. He did it again. He took away the only thing that mattered to me.

"He told me he-you never wanted to see me again, I believed him. He...I thought you hated me. Do you?"

I shake me head. "Course not Will, I- can you give me a minute please, I uh I need a minute"

I bet Marcus has been waiting for this Golden Opportunity since that faithful Friday night when Will moved in. And now he's finally had it. He kicked Will out. I'm alone again.

I'm alone.

"I don't want you to leave Will. I- please don't leave."

He looks up, relieved, and smiles at me. He's staying. He won't abandon me.

Then another thought strikes. One that freezes me through and through. What am I going to do? I can't go back home. Marcus will kill me, no doubt. Will got kicked out and I doubt I'll make it past the living room.

"I don't want to go home." I wince at how weak and childish I sound.

"Well, buddy, you sure as hell can't live on the streets. Come on, come with me. Let's go home."

He stands and starts walking back to the car.

"No Will, I... I can't go home. Marcus... he'll kill me. I can't, I-I'm scared Will"

It's a horrible thing to admit, and it's contrast with last night's bravery is like black on white. Will gives me a pained smile and wraps his arm around my shoulders. My eyes sting, I feel a lump rise in my throat. It takes me a minute to realize what is happening. I'm crying. The feeling is foreign to me, I haven't cried since mom died. Since I was nine years old. It's funny really, of all those bruises, welts, a myriad of swearwords and insults like hailstones thrown at me, this-this is what made me cry. I bite me lip and try to hold back a sob but it hurts. It feels like I swallowed a rock, it's choking me. Will hugs me, engulfing me into his shoulder.

"It's alright buddy, it's gonna be alright"

More sobs rise and I try, unsuccessfully, to hold them down but they're wrecking me. I can't breathe, the pain in my chest is growing like a balloon filled with fear, sadness, anger and exhaustion from all these years of holding back, of hiding everything.

Finally, I break down. I cry into Will's shoulder, and he rubs my back, my head. He's trying so hard to comfort me and I try to push aside the subconscious confusion emerging from the thought that I'm not being scolded and insulted for crying. If this were Marcus, he'd call me weak and pathetic. He'd say I need to toughen up and take my punishment like a man.

Will doesn't. He just rubs my back and says it's okay. It's fine. It feels good to cry. I'm finally able to show my emotions without repercussions. I feel like a weight is being lifted off of my chest and suddenly I'm not just crying out of fear of Marcus, or out of fear of losing Will, but for every other instance of mistreatment I have had to endure.

Marcus breaking my statue when I was twelve. Marcus in the week that mom died. Marcus hitting me with the belt when I first started failing history. Memories come in quick succession , not giving me time to recover in between. When I was fourteen and Marcus beat me so badly I actually feared for my life. When I was nine and I saw him hit Evelyn until she bled and I couldn't move, because I was locked in the closet. All I could do was watch from the keyhole. 

I keep crying till I can bet that I've soaked Will to the skin but he doesn't get angry or annoyed. He just keeps trying to reassure me. And finally I stop, I look up at him and I'm surprised for a second to see that his eyes are red and puffy. I didn't even realize he had been crying too. I was too busy paying attention to myself. Selfish, worthless boy. 

"Feeling better, Bass?"

I nod and he smiles at me.

"Good, come on let's head to the car." 

I don't know what I was hoping for exactly, or why I still feel disappointed when he says this. I mean, what was I expecting? For him to change his mind about taking me home. I have to go back some day. My heart still sinks when we get to the car and he opens the door for me.

"Come on buddy, we'll be fine."

A/N

Hey everyone, week one of my summer holidays I was feeling kinda writy.

I hope you all like it and enjoy summer people, it's a blessing sent by the heavenly forces!!

xxRachele:)