ONE SHOTSSS

Chapter 1- pjo

Chiron: Why is everyone from Athena's cabin camping outside?
Annabeth: Because the fresh air helps us to think...?
Chiron:
Chiron: There's a spider inside, right?
Annabeth: Yes.

*Percy, Tess and Blake in front of Athena Cabin with full armor and weapons*
Tess: DIE YOU MOTHERFUCKER
Blake: YEAH BITCH
Percy: YOU SHALL FALL!
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Connor: you may ask "Connor, how did you stuck your leg into a chair?"
Connor: well lads, Connor doesn't know either
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Silena: good romance starts with a good friendship. And what does bad romance start with?
Tess: ra ra ah ah ha,
Percy: ro ma, ro ma ma,
Tess: ga ga ooh la la-
Silena: no
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Chiron: what will you have for dinner?

Dionysus: salad

Dionysus: well, fruit salad.

Dionysus: actually, it's mostly grapes.

Dionysus: okay, it's all grapes.

Dionysus: fermented grapes.

Dionysus:

Dionysus: It's wine

Dionysus: I'm having wine for dinner.
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Rachel: so what are all of your powers?
Percy: I can manipulate water
Nico and Blake: I can control the dead.
Tess: I control darkness and use revenge powers
Annabeth: I make good life decisions.
Rachel: that's not really-
Percy: No, trust us. She's our most important member.
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Blake: what are you doing?
Tess: Percy loves blue food, so I'm sorting through the M&Ms I bought to separate the blue ones.
Blake: aw that's so sweet
Tess: No I'm mad at him. I plan to eat them all in front of him.
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Annabeth: Ares is the God of War, but Athena.... get this.....is the Goddess of Strategic War

Tess: Athena is just Ares with brain cells, change my mind

Annabeth:

Annabeth: you could say that....
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Annabeth: *crying*
Luke: *trying to comfort her*
Tess:
Tess: Oh look its Thalia *points at a random tree*
Annabeth:
Annabeth: *starts crying even more*
Luke: Tess, n0-
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Tess: you wanted the macaroni and bees?
Nico: you mean the macaroni and cheese?
Tess:
Tess: that actually makes more sense
Nico: did you-?
Tess, trying to keep the lid on the dish closed:
I CAN'T HELP IT IM DYSLEXIC
Nico: I SPOKE TO YOU VERBALLY
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Nico : I know you're a hero in the Greek world, but what about the mortal side?
Percy: no I'm wanted in six states for arson
Nico:
Percy: and homicide
Tess: real shit
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Percy: *watching titanic*
Percy: aww they're so cute
Percy: oh no....
Percy: DAAAAAAD!!
Poseidon: just listen.... I was having a bad day
Percy: DAD THEY WERE IN LOVE!!!
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Percy: Good morning Nic-
Nico: Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee.
Percy: you drink coffee?
Nico: No.
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Chiron: Hey, aren't you Teresa Enders?
Tess: you a cop?
Chiron: No.
Tess: Then yes, I am.
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Nico: Blake.....I think....I might have a crush on Tess....

Blake: Well congrats! You're officially the last one to know!
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Connor: okay Bella listen
Travis: we're your older brothers, so we'll tell you some advice on how to kiss a boy
Bella: wtf
Connor: 1. Grab his waist
Travis: 2. Slip your hand in his pocket
Connor: 3. Steal his wallet
Travis: 4. DON'T even kiss him
Connor: 5. just run
Bella:
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Malcolm: Hey sis, why are you standing on a chair? Are you playing a game?

Annabeth: yeah, I'm playing "I saw a big ass spider and don't know where it went"

Malcolm: *scrambles onto a chair*
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Tess: I sent a get well soon card to the Olympus for Zeus to read
Percy: you're joking right
Tess: I'm not. He's not sick, he just should do better
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Percy: Nico is choking, I need to call 911 but the 9 button isn't working!
Leo: turn it upside down and use the six!
Percy: genius!
Nico: *stops choking momentarily*
What the fuck
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Blake: I'm tired
Percy: Hi tired, I'm Poseidon
Blake: I'm serious, Percy
Percy: No, you're tired.
Blake: please stop.
Percy: I'm sorry
Blake: Hi sorry, I'm Blake.
Percy: sHIT, THAT WAS SM0OTH-
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Piper: I'm having problems with a guy
Tess: 'His dead body won't fit in the back of my car' problems or 'I like him' problems?
Piper: I like him
Tess: Too bad. I could have helped with the other one.
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Tess & Percy: WE DO WHAT WE WANT
Blake: I'm telling Annabeth
Tess & Percy: no wait-
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*if Ethan would be in the camp Half-Blood*

[in the Nemesis cabin]

Tess: Guys, there's a monster under my bed and it's really ugly.
Ethan, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.
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Sally: why did you give a knife to a child?
Eddie: Tess felt unsafe.
Sally: Well now I feel unsafe!
Eddie: I'm sorry...
Eddie: ......would you like a knife?
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[a theater game]

Luke, playing Zeus: I'm ruling the skies!
Blake, playing Hades: I'm ruling the underworld!
Percy, playing Poseidon: I'm ruling the seas!
Tess, playing Artemis: I'm not gonna say that!
Percy: come on, say itt!
Tess: ughhh-
Tess, embarrassed: today I'm running around Greece with a pack of wild lesbians.
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[On a nature hike]

Annabeth: It's so beautiful out here!
Blake: And quiet
Annabeth: too quiet
Nico: did we lose someone?

[Cut to Tess and Percy running from a bear]
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Blake: So, onto Plan B?
Annabeth: Technically, this is plan G.
Percy: How many plans do you have?
Like, is there a Plan M?
Annabeth: Yes, but Percy gets thrown in Tartarus in Plan M.
Clarisse: I like Plan M.
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