Web Of Lies

17

Jimin's pov

My body feels hot, my hips felt like snapping in two, I feel sore, and when I stand for too long, my privates feel like falling.

I have never been raped before, but I had sex, and I know what it feels like. This is clearly torture, I want to cry, I feel angry and sad, I feel annoyed, disappointed, my emotions are all over the place.

I don't even have control over my body, it's just feels so foreign to me, like it's not mine. I'm so tired, but I knew I had to go home.

Walking out of the hotel made me think that I ran a marathon, I knew hyung had a good body and stamina, but this is too much.

Thinking about how many times he must've used my body to make me feel this way made me feel angry, but remembering the warning given to me, I couldn't help but shiver.

Honestly, these past few months, I had forgotten how scary things were, how I was treated before. It made me forget all the bad memories of the two years of torture I had to go through.

I flagged down a taxi and told him my address. The drive was quiet, leaving me with my thoughts, I hated the thought I have cause it was never good. It always makes things worse.

I paid the taxi when we reached home and I immediately went to my room. Luckily, all the members were still getting over their hangover, I don't think I could handle meeting anyone.

Going to my room, I locked the door changing into a white tee and shorts and then falling on my bed. That was when everything started coming back.

I thought I didn't care much, that I'll get over it, but I guess I was not that strong.
Hyung really did rape. It was too much even for someone like me, I don't like it.

Why would he do something like that to me, what have I ever done to him, why me, why always me.

Tears were rolling down my eyes, but no sound was coming out of my mouth, my heart constricting in my chest, it is excruciatingly painful.

My breathing was coming out as laboured, but still, my mouth refused to let out a single sound. I wanted to scream, maybe if I did, some of the pain would go away.

But I don't think I  even have that luxury. I curled to myself, writhing in pain. As tears continuously rolled down my eyes, this was too much.

I can't breathe
I can't breathe
I can't breathe

My breathing became laboured, and I passed out.

The next time I came about, it was already evening, I slept throughout the day, my head snapped to my door remembrance that it was the reason I was awake

Someone was knocking on my door, I opened it to find hyung, he looked worried.

"Babe, are you okay? You've been in your room since morning, you were ignoring me whenever I knocked. Did something happen?" he asks.

I felt guilty for doubting them. Just because Namjoon hyung did something to me, that doesn't mean the others are the same.

"H..hyung.." My voice was hoarse, the last time I drank something being at the bar. I went to drink some water which was placed on my nightstand.

"..hyung. I'm okay. It has been long since I had a drink, and it took a toll on me," I said, giving him a soft smile. He smiled back and told me to come down for dinner.

The pain was still there but not as bad as it was before. It was gone when I was sitting down, but then whenever I stood up, my privates felt like coming off.

I flinched when I went to the dinner table and saw Namjoon hyung there. He was acting like nothing happened and was happily chatting with Tae.

Tae cheated on Hobi and Kook to be with him, and he raped someone behind his back. I couldn't help but think they deserve each other. I pity them truly. They truly are misguided.

I felt repulsive at the mere sight of him, and I mean no joke when I say it. I hate him, I really do, and I don't want to have that feeling towards anyone, but i couldn't help it, what he did was too much, and I don't think I will ever forget it.

Dinner was quiet. We just talked to the person next to us , and that really felt foreign because our normal dinner contains laughter amongst ourselves as we share stories between each other.

After dinner, we all went to our rooms, I was cuddled up to hyung, as he brushed my hair softly. My thoughts still on what happened with Namjoon hyung.

My eyes welled up with unshed tears, but I didn't wanna cry in hyungs presence. The warning is still fresh in my head, and I don't dare disobey.

I don't think I can continue living like this. The fear of what might happen next is scaring the shit out of me. What if he makes this a normal thing? What if it's not just a one-time thing.

I don't think I'm brave  enough to go through it again, I can not stay here any longer if this continues.

I don't want to leave the band. Dancing has always been my dream since the day I discovered how to use my legs. I don't want to leave.

What more is that I don't want the members being the reason for me leaving it.

I really love dancing, I love BTS,. They are my family, I don't wanna leave, but if this goes on, i don't think I can stay any longer.

"Jimin are okay," I didn't know I was crying, but hyungs voice brought me back. "Baby, what happened? Youu're scaring me," he say,  his own voice shaking as if he wanted to cry, he is overly cautious with and easily gets scared even when I frown for too long, i guess Ihe still blames himself for what has happened to me.

"H..hyung, please, promise you'll never leave me." I hugged him tighter, not willing to let go.

"I promise Jimin, I would be here for you whenever you need me," he says, and I feel at ease.

I could feel my fatigue slowly catching up to me as I closed my eyes. I hope things go well.

Thanks💜

SpadeZ