OUT

Chapter 10

Thursday, September 11th 2014

'Well, what's the fuckin' craic?' exclaimed a female voice in a thick midlands accent Jack couldn't place as he entered the sitting room. He let out a little groan as he dumped his bags inside the front door and shut it behind him. She had quite the quirky look about her. She had a bleached blonde fringe, but the rest of her hair was black. It was short, and tied up on the back of her head in two small bundles of hair. She was slender and pale, and dressed like a Sim that had had its outfit randomised. Mismatched colours and patterns. None of it went together, but she kind of pulled it off.

'Hi, nice to meet ya. I'm Jack,' he said awkwardly.

'I'm Millie. You must be the new housemate I've heard so much about! Sorry, I'd stand up and shake your hand, but I'm just cleaning my leg here.' Jack cocked an eyebrow, and then realised she was, in fact, cleaning her leg. She had it resting in her lap and she was rubbing it down with a cloth. It was made of metal. Jack found himself staring at it in silence, and she stared back at him. 'Everything OK?'

'Sorry, yeah!' he laughed awkwardly, and took a seat in the armchair adjacent to her. He tried his best to maintain eye-contact as she spoke, avoiding looking at her prosthetic leg and felt his eyes fighting to stare, as though a magnetic force was pulling them towards the stump just above where her knee should have been.

'You at rugby or something?' she asked, barely looking up as she polished the leg.

'Gaelic football,' he corrected.

'Oooh, c'mon sporty spice,' she said enthusiastically, focusing again on polishing her leg. He tried his best not to stare, but in the silence he could only look at her. He had never seen a prosthetic leg up close before. 'Do you want to hold it?' she said suddenly with a grin on her face.

'What? No, I-'

'Think quick!' she interrupted, the words barely out of Jack's mouth, as she tossed her leg across the room at him.

'Jesus Christ!' he exclaimed as he leaned forwards to catch it and she cackled maniacally. Jack forced out a laugh, unsure of what to do now that her metal peg-leg was sitting in his lap like a newborn baby. He kept his arms pinned to his side, afraid to touch it almost, and she watched him uncomfortably squirm with a grin on her face. At that moment, one of the bedroom doors behind them opened and Millie let out a cry.

'Ciarán! This dickhead's after taking my leg and won't give it back!'

Jack turned to frantically defend himself and his jaw dropped to the floor. Standing before him, at about six foot tall, was a drag queen. 'Have no fear gurlies, Suzie Grant is here. Fresh off the night link from Cark.' Jack's head moved between the two of them, like he was a Wimbledon spectator. He didn't know where to look, or what to say, or how to get out of this situation alive and unscathed.

The drag queen before him wore a neon green dress, green heeled boots, and a matching green wig that towered to the sky, a pair of green sunglasses with tinted green lenses that were so thin she might as well have not been wearing them. Massive hooped earrings clung to her lobes. 'Jesus Jack, would you give the lesbian back her leg.'

'Do you not like dykes or something?' she asked.

Ciarán laughed out loud, and Millie finally broke character and chuckled again. 'Jaysus, you're an awkward fellah,' she uttered eventually, 'but don't worry, we'll bate that out of ya!'

Ciarán - the drag queen - took a seat beside Millie. The more he stared, the more he struggled to believe that this was the boy he had kissed. The boy he had shared a bed with. The boy he had almost got into a brawl with the other day. He lived with a fucking drag queen!

'You can ask me if you want,' Millie said as he awkwardly passed her back the leg.

'Ask you what?'

'How I lost it.'

'Oh no, it's fine,' he stuttered awkwardly, again not knowing where to look as Ciarán smirked - his lips had somehow trebled in size and were painted a bright red.

'You don't care that I lost my leg?'

'No! No, it's not that, I-'

She cackled, 'relax, I'm only having you on.'

'You are pure cruel, girl,' snorted Ciarán.

'Shark attack in Australia,' she announced dryly, 'barely made it out alive.'

'What? Seriously?' Jack gasped, 'I didn't think shark attacks actually happened in real life.'

'That's rude.'

'Sorry, I-'

'She's messing with ya,' reassured Ciarán with an eyeroll.

'It's a well known fact that shark's love vitamin D. And I'm three D's; a depressed, disabled, dyke.' Jack stared at the two of them in a mix of cautious amusement and complete and utter shock as they snorted with laughter in his face. He had moved into a fucking mad house and he needed to get out as soon as possible, 'I think we're gonna have fun with you, Jack!'