OUT

Chapter 32

Wednesday, January 21st 2015

'Another bottle of the Merlot please.'

'Murr-looow,' said Jack, mimicking Paul's Wicklow accent for the hundredth time that night, almost out of anxiousness, but he couldn't help it.

'Oh, would-ya ever feck off, you're gonna give me a complex!' replied the guy sitting opposite him, smirking with a smile stained with red wine.

'Sorry, it's such a funny accent.'

'See that pole over there? Keep it up, and I'll wrap you 'round ih!'

'Do ye actually sound like that or are you putting that on?'

'Well that's hyperbolised, but yeah. People back home actually sound like that.' Jack smirked as the waiter placed a fresh bottle - bottle number three - between the two of them and Paul poured them both a glass. The evening had flown. They had to have been sitting at the table for two hours now. Just chatting. And drinking. It was nice. It felt very normal. And for once, Jack felt very relaxed, weirdly so. 'I'll admit, I was very surprised you actually text me back and agreed to this,' Paul said, taking a sip from his wine and staring at Jack over the brim of the glass, keeping it pressed to his lips.

'Why?'

He shrugged, 'I dunno. I just was. I wasn't sure if you were into me.' When Paul had text him, Jack had waited an hour to respond but once he had agreed, they had pretty much been texting non-stop since. He had suggested this Italian place for dinner, and while neither of them had used the word 'date', that's what it felt like. A date. Despite having kissed Paul at the Halloween party, Ciarán had told him that Jack was straight. It was all very confusing for him, so he couldn't imagine the mindfuck Paul was probably dealing with.

'So are you gay or bi?' Jack asked.

'Gay. I came out when I was in TY.'

'Jesus, you came out in school? What was that like?'

'Not just any school; a Deis school in the backarse of Wicklow. Rough as muck. Someone set a teacher on fire once.'

'Fuck off?'

'I swear!'

'And how did that go?'

'Well they got expelled obviously. They set someone on fire!'

'No, I mean you coming out.'

Paul smirked, 'oh. Well yeah, grand. My ma said she always knew, and my da was a bit surprised. But like, he didn't care. It's not like I'm a crack addict like.'

Jack smiled, 'true. And what made you come out?'

'I knew fairly young I was different from the other lads, but I just thought I was a late bloomer. All these things everyone else was saying and doing, I couldn't relate to. Wanting to kiss girls or whatever. I thought 'maybe that'll be me next year'. I guess that was my subconscious coping mechanism. I just didn't have the language or knowledge to articulate my feelings.'

'So what age were ya?' Jack asked.

'Sixteen. I remember a new lad started in our year. He was gay. I hadn't met a single gay person until I met him. Isn't that wild? But when I met him, I knew. Came out that week to my parents and haven't looked back. You don't realise how isolating it is not being able to see yourself represented in society. And like, not one teacher spoke about it in school. It's mad we aren't taught about it. We're living in a straight man's world. Think about how many people would come out sooner if they could see themselves represented. If they could see people like them.'