OUT

Chapter 31

Saturday, January 17th 2015

'Where did you disappear off to?' exclaimed his mother's voice as the back door to the kitchen swung open and she stormed into the room.

'I'm not doing that again,' grunted Jack, without looking up at her. He was sitting at the table with a cup of tea in front of him that he hadn't touched. He felt sick with anger.

'For Christ's sake, a mhac. You do one house on your own and you're already giving up? What kind of attitude is that?' argued his mother. 'This referendum won't be long upon us. We need to convince people to vote no to this mess!'

'I don't want to convince people to vote no,' he said, exhausted, and her face contorted. 'The lady I spoke to just wanted to marry the woman she loves. She didn't get to see her on her deathbed or speak at her funeral. They were together for nearly fifty years! I don't want to do this.'

'What do you mean you don't want to do this?' His mother was standing over him, glaring like a vulture eyeing up roadkill.

'I mean, I don't want to tell people to vote No. I don't want to vote No. These people just want to be able to marry the person they love. Why do you care so much?'

'Oh please, Jack. The Bible says it's wrong and-'

'The Bible says we can't eat pork, or shellfish, or get tattoos, or divorce. It defends slavery! Fuck what the Bible says!' he cut across her, and her shock turned to anger as she visibly flinched at his outburst. It felt like he had finally cracked and he was done letting her push him around. He was sick of her. 'Sure the Dublin priest that came out was saying to support this referendum. Doesn't Jesus not preach to love thy neighbour?'

'Don't you dare raise your voice at me. And watch your language. If you want to live under this roof-'

'Maybe I don't want to live under this roof!' He roared, and before she could retort, Jack got to his feet and stormed up the stairs to his room, slamming the door behind him. He pulled the dozens of remaining leaflets labelled "NINE REASONS TO VOTE NO TO SAME SEX 'MARRIAGE'" from his pocket, crumpled them up into a ball, and tossed them into his bin.

He threw himself onto the bed and stared at the ceiling as he panted angrily. His eyes were still red from crying, and the old woman's words were fresh in his ears. But he was furious now. He couldn't believe his mother. She was so bitter. She was deluded. She was evil. And he, for the first time in his life, had stood up to her. And as terrifying as it was, it felt good.

He let out a sigh.

Jack knew once the adrenaline coursing through his system dissipated, it'd be replaced by anxiety, but he felt better that he had finally spoken his mind. One thing he noticed about his mother and the others involved in the No campaign was their constant anger.

Talking to the old woman today about her relationship and life, she was so calm - even though she had a real reason to be angry. She was open to talking; to discuss the arguments put forward calmly. She shut them down with educated points as opposed to silencing with paradoxical information that contradicted itself. And most people on the Yes side that Jack encountered seemed to be like that old woman. A calm but powerful rejection of the shite spread by the opposing side. They were like chalk and cheese.

Jack opened Spotify on his phone and played 'I'm Still Standing' by Elton John, clicking the repeat button as the song began to play. He rolled onto his stomach, and buried his head into the pillow as the song echoed through his room. The song, as always, made him think of his brother. He lay still on the bed and let the lyrics flow through him. Everytime he listened to the song, which was a lot, something new seemed to stand out to him.

And there's a cold, lonely light that shines from you,

You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use.

Jack let out a deep exhale. He was done hiding behind a mask.

At that moment, his phone buzzed and a message came in on Facebook from Paul, 'drink?'