OUT

Chapter 18

Tuesday, November 18th 2014

Jack lay in his bed looking at his phone. He couldn't stop thinking about Paul, who he hadn't seen or heard from since Halloween, which had been over three weeks previous. He had added him on Facebook, but neither of them had messaged the other. What would he even say? He couldn't remember much of the night, but he remembered kissing Paul. And he was the one who made the first move. Not Paul. But that said, it had felt good, as far as he remembered.

He was staring at Paul's Facebook profile and clicked into his profile image. It was a picture of him dressed in a suit and tie with a girl in a ballgown - his Debs, Jack assumed. He navigated to his 'About' section like he had studied dozens of times before, it had basically become a bedtime ritual since the night they had kissed. He scrolled straight to the relationship section.

INTERESTED IN MEN.

He stared at the words. It was mad how much information he had been able to find out from Paul's Facebook page; where he worked throughout secondary school (Centra), his birthday (August 12th), photographs from his TY trip to Rome, his ex-girlfriend (Shauna), his various family members. Jack felt creepy stalking through the guy's profile, but he knew everyone did it.

INTERESTED IN MEN.

He thought about their kiss again. Like he had multiple times a day every day since Halloween, which worried him. It felt good. Not like his kiss with Ciarán when he was drunk. He didn't feel the same regret now even though he had been just as drunk, and high on top of that. It had felt right, and he was pretty sure he wanted to feel that feeling again. But maybe that had just been the weed.

Jack opened the AppStore on his phone and navigated to the Grindr app. He had heard Ciarán mention it a few times lately, and he had said it worked by location and he often used it to 'randomly bump into' lads that he knew and was interested in. Jack had contemplated downloading it a few times to check when and if Paul was in the George across the street but hadn't bit the bullet yet. He was staring at his phone screen, a yellow drama mask encased in a black box stared back at him. His thumb hovered over the word 'GET'.

It was only a Tuesday night, which meant the chances of Savannah and Paul - or anyone for that matter - being across in the George were slim. Thursdays were the main night. So it was unlikely, but not impossible.

What the fuck are you doing, Jack?

He took a deep breath, and pressed the button. The app began installing.

He skipped quickly through the profile setup, filling in a fake name and age, leaving his profile picture blank, and he opened up the main feed. There were dozens and dozens of profiles in rows of threes before him, and he began to scroll. It was mostly naked torsos that lined the screen, with blank squares like his own scattered throughout; people lurking behind a veil of anonymity. Perhaps just having a bit of a nose like he was.

He changed his age range to only show people 18-25. Surely Paul was within that. The home feed refreshed and he continued to scroll.

Bingo!

There he was. Jack clicked into his profile.

NPNC. 22. 187cm tall. Muscular body. Vers.

Jack flicked through his photos. The first was him in the gym. The second was him in an elevator mirror wearing a tuxedo. The last was him in swimming trunks beside the sea, shirtless, his ripped body on show.

Jack scrolled down to his bio.

22. If you message me first, please have a face pic. No BB. Looking for one nightstand, a lamp, a chest of drawers, and a boyfriend! Instagram: PaulBreen123.

Jack opened a chat with him and started typing.

Hey!

Hi, how are ya? Face?

You in the G?

Send facepic

For a moment, he contemplated taking a selfie and sending it through. According to the app, he was thirty metres away. He switched to his camera app and opened the front camera. At that moment however, a text came in from his mother and he came crashing back down to Earth.

Big No launch in the parochial hall this Sunday at 1! Expect to see you there, a mhac. Any news from Dublin?

Jack closed his phone and placed it face down on his bed without replying. That was surely a sign from the universe that that was enough for tonight.