OUT

Chapter 47

Wednesday, April 8th 2015

'Sorry, I know it's late. I just wanted a cuddle,' said Jack, as Paul kissed him on the forehead, pulling him into a hug as he shut the front door behind him.

The sitting room was dark. Everyone else had gone to bed, but Jack couldn't sleep. He had a lot to think about, and after an hour or so of tossing and turning, rehashing the last few weeks in his head over and over again, he had caved and messaged Paul.

'I'm surprised I got a text at all.'

'Sorry,' Jack sighed, 'I've a lot to fill you in on. But tonight, I just want to spoon.'

His phone was full of texts from Paul that he had yet to respond to. He hadn't seen him in weeks, and hadn't spoken to him since the day of the drag open mic night, when he had collapsed on stage and ended up in hospital.

'That bad, huh?' Paul asked.

'Honestly, to say you've no idea would be an understatement.'

'Well I got you a Bounty Bar,' he said, 'and a Coke Zero.'

'You're too kind.'

They lay beside each other in bed. It was weird how much comfort it gave Jack. Just being in the presence of someone like Paul really calmed him. It felt nice. It felt normal. And with all the other shite going on in his life, he needed it. That seemed to melt away for a minute though, as disgustingly clichéd as that sounded.

The pair were both in their boxers. Paul was lying on his back, and Jack was straddling his side; with his left leg wrapped around both of Paul's, and his left arm wrapped across his torso, his cheek resting on his left pec. He smelled nice. He wasn't wearing cologne, but his own natural scent was nice. It was attractive.

'What are you thinking?'

Jack looked up at him, 'how good you smell.' Paul smirked, and kissed him on the forehead again, ruffling his fingers through Jack's messy hair. Jack kissed his chest. 'Tell me about your last two weeks,' Jack asked, wanting a distraction from his own.

'Well my nanny died, so I went to her funeral. Was my first time ever carrying a coffin, which was weird. Then it was Easter so I stayed home for a few days, working in the pub mostly. Did a sea swim with my friends from home, it was miserable. Posed for a photo after to show everyone on the internet that I'm better than them. Went to my cousins' for dinner. Ate a rake of Easter eggs. Submitted a few assignments. And now I'm here.'

Jack noted how he didn't bring up the incident. Which he appreciated. He knew Paul was surely gagging to talk to him about it, but he obviously wanted to respect Jack's request.

'I only got back to Dublin today,' Jack said, 'I kinda moved out of my home home. Things are complicated with my family.' Paul didn't really talk, but he listened as he played with Jack's hair; twirling it in and around his fingers. 'My mam is a cunt. I know that's a strong word, but she's really not a good person. She's very anti-gay. She hits my dad, who's definitely an alcoholic...She's honestly evil. I needed to get out of there.'

'I'm sorry, Jack.'

'I am too.' Paul just let him talk, and after a few minutes, Jack realised he was ranting, 'sorry.'

'Don't apologise. I'm here to listen, whenever you want.'

Jack wanted to talk to him about it all. He wanted to tell him everything. But truthfully, he was too drained emotionally to rehash the last two weeks of his life so soon. His last few months really. He just wanted to enjoy the quiet. To enjoy the moment.

'Go raibh míle, let's just go to sleep.'