OUT

Chapter 22

Monday, December 1st 2014

'Jack! How are ya?'

He recognised the voice before he turned and felt his stomach sink into his ass, like when you're in a freefall on a rollercoaster, or when the road suddenly dips in a car. Of all the people he could run into, he wasn't mentally prepared for this. He needed time to prepare himself. He hated how life always seemed to have a dropping the wrong person on you at the wrong moment.

'Paul, what's the craic?' he said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster as he turned to face the boy who had joined the queue behind him. The boy who had plagued his thoughts for the last few weeks; who he had had dozens of fake conversations with and played out fake scenarios with in his head. Yet now Jack felt sick with nerves.

'Not too bad, not too bad. Just registering to vote!'

'Same,' said Jack. There was a queue of about ten people ahead of them and it was moving at a glacial pace.

'How've ya been? I haven't seen you since...Halloween? Oh God, I was in bits for a few days after that,' he chuckled.

'Yeah same...I drank way too much. I don't really remember most of the night,' he lied.

'Oh really? That's a shame. So you don't remember our kiss?'

'Our kiss?' Jack repeated, caught off guard by his directness. Paul smirked and gave him a wink. Jack wasn't sure how he wanted to play this so he shook his head and tried to play it cool as he gave an awkward chuckle.

'Vaguely.' That was of course a lie. Jack remembered it, very well actually. Despite how drunk he was. He remembered cornering Paul and practically throwing him against the wall on the upstairs landing, their bodies pressed together as they kissed. It had lasted quite a long time, but still not long enough, and when their lips finally parted, Jack had just fled.

'Well you kissed me, and then ran off like Cinderella at the stroke of midnight.'

Jack felt his body stiffen. Paul was speaking very loudly and there were people around. They had now reached the top of the queue and they were chatting to each other across the table as both filled out the registration forms in front of them. What if someone heard what Paul was saying? What if one of them knew Jack? Or his family?

'Sorry, I don't really remember. I could barely see straight that night,' Jack continued, lowering his voice in the hopes that Paul would too.

'I guess I wasn't that memorable.'

He took the clipboard from the girl behind the desk and scrawled down his details; his name, PPS number, his address - he used his Galway one. He didn't plan on being in the same Dublin apartment by the time the referendum came about. That was months away, and he would surely have escaped from his housemates by then. Plus, he'd be voting in Galway anyway.

'Oh, happy birthday!' said one of the girls behind the desk as Paul handed her his clipboard.

'Thank you.'

'It's your birthday?' Jack asked and Paul nodded, 'happy birthday!'

'Thanks.'

'C'mon, I'll buy you a coffee,' Jack said before his brain could compute the words leaving his mouth, and he surprised himself with his own confidence - or gall perhaps.

The Arts Cafe in Newman was mostly empty - it almost always was. It wasn't exactly the nicest option for coffee on campus, but Jack liked it because it was so quiet. He didn't want to bump into anyone he knew while he was with Paul.

'Go grab a booth, I'll get the coffees,' Jack said, and smiled at the barista as Paul disappeared down the cafe. 'A cappuccino and a mocha please.' He didn't drink coffee, he hated the taste, but he was weaning himself onto it through mochas. Everyone seemed to be hooked on coffee in UCD, and he was embarrassed ordering hot chocolate the whole time. He watched Paul from the counter as he waited on the coffees, who was sitting on his phone in a booth in the back corner. He couldn't help but stare. He was mesmerised, enthralled, confused by Paul. But he couldn't stop glancing over at him.

'Thank you,' Paul said when Jack placed the cup in front of him and sat down.

'So what age are ya anyway? Like twenty five?'

'Rude,' Paul laughed, 'twenty-two actually.'

'So old,' Jack joked, 'I'm only eighteen.'

'So you're into older men then?' Jack's smile faltered slightly. He felt awkward, which Paul immediately picked up on and he took a hurried sip of his cappuccino, 'sorry, I didn't mean to-'

'No, it's grand.'

'So, I presume you're...you know...you are into m-' Paul began but half trailed off mid-sentence so Jack cut him off again, before he could finish his question.

'Can we not talk about that?' he said.

'Of course, sorry. I...sorry.'

The pair of them sat in a very awkward silence for a few minutes, and they drank their coffees quietly. Jack eventually got to his feet, 'sorry I've got to go. I'll talk to you on Facebook.' He left the half-drunk mocha on the table in front of Paul and deserted the cafe, his heart racing.