OUT

Chapter 48

Thursday, April 9th 2015

Jack woke to Paul creeping around his bedroom, silently pulling back on his clothes. 'Morning,' he whispered, pulling on a sock, 'sorry, didn't wanna wake ya.'

'Ugh, don't go,' Jack moaned.

'I've gotta get to work.'

'I don't wanna be here on my own.'

'And I don't want to spend the next eight hours behind a deli counter, but college isn't free.' Jack smiled weakly and hugged the duvet tighter. Between working in a shop, and working in his family pub, he wasn't sure how Paul had the time for anything else outside of college. And while his commitment was attractive, Jack just wished he could quit and stay with him for the day. 'How about you come over tonight? We'll get a takeaway.'

'Sounds class.'

Paul climbed back onto the bed, lying on top of the covers fully dressed, and wrapped Jack in a bearhug, 'you look like a burrito.' Jack smirked, and Paul kissed him on the forehead. 'I'll text you after work.' He groaned again.

'See ya later.'

After about an hour or two, Jack finally migrated to the sitting room with his duvet in tow and sank into the aged leather coach. There was a family pack of Malteasers on the table which he made short work of, and he made a pot of tea that he drank while some rerun of an old Big Brother episode played on the telly. He was glad he had the day off college today, because he didn't have the energy to drag himself into UCD. Today was a hungover day, even though he hadn't been drinking.

'Morning,' said Ciarán, appearing from his room. He had a jacket on and a bag over his back, but sat down on the couch beside Jack, 'Mark is nice.'

'He's straight,' Jack replied, knowing exactly where he was going.

Mark had finally met his housemates after he dropped Jack off the night before. Never did he think that Mark and Ciarán would ever cross paths, nevermind Sissy! It was a weird collision of his two worlds. Jack hadn't really talked much about his Dublin life to Mark, and so even though it went fine, he still had a bit of anxiousness in the pit of his stomach that the groups had cross-pollinated. It felt strange, uncomfortable. The two versions of his life that he had been juggling as two separate things had kind of merged as of late, and that was weird for him.

'Well straight or not, he's lovely. You should have him over more often.'

'I'll let him know.'

'No don't! I don't want to seem weird.'

'I'm messing.'

'Same,' he replied unconvincingly, and then got more serious, 'so how are you feeling now? I didn't get a chance to properly chat to ya last night.'

'Ah grand,' he said, feeling deflated, 'just exhausted, but I'll be fine.'

'You will be,' Ciarán confirmed, 'you have us. Whether you like it or not. Seriously.'

'Thanks Ciarán. I do appreciate it. I'm just knackered.'

'OK, well I've got to go, but I'll text you later!'

And then Jack was alone again. He scrolled through Facebook, and found his way back to the group his mother was in charge of promoting the No vote in their parish. He knew it wasn't good for him, but couldn't help going through pictures of their latest canvas - which had happened just this morning. There was his mother, smiling broadly to the camera with a 'Vote No' t-shirt on even though her only son had walked out the night before. He hated her. And he hated himself more for hating her. But he did. It wasn't fair. This shouldn't have been his reality. He wanted a family. He needed his family. But they weren't able to be there for him. If only Mick was still alive. Things would be so different. He knew it.

A text pinged on the top of his phone screen and interrupted his train of thought. It was from the blood donation clinic back home.

Weird.

He clicked into it, and read what was on screen. Jack stared at his phone in silence for what felt like an eternity. He reread the sentence over and over, the words weren't registering at all but were also simultaneously engulfing him.

YOUR BLOOD RESULTS HAVE COME BACK POSITIVE FOR PRESENCE OF HIV.