OUT

Chapter 29

Thursday, January 1st 2015

'Throw me another one of them sambos, Jacko, will ya?' asked Mark, and Jack passed him over the plate, 'your mam is a class cook. My mam's sam-widgis are cat. Egg mayonnaise and tuna. It's a no from me.'

'She didn't cook sandwiches, lad.'

'Ah, fuck off Begs. You know what I meant. Shouldn't you be winding Wham Bar up instead? Where is he, anyway?'

Begs glanced over at Jack for a second, 'he's at home. He's not really up for anything today.' Jack realised he had forgotten to text Wham Bar after Begs had said he was depressed down in Cork. He made a mental note to text Wham Bar.

'Whatcha mean? It's Mick's fuckin' anniversary like?'

'Ah, it's grand,' said Jack.

'Keep this to yourselves for now, but he dropped out of college. He's moved back home. I don't think he's well, like.'

'Fuck, really?'

'Yeah, I guess he just didn't really settle. I dunno. He's just been off.'

They were sitting in Jack's kitchen and they sat in silence for a moment. His house was jammed with people. The house was packed with people who had come from the Church. It was jammers on this day every year. The only day they really acknowledged what had happened, because it would be weirder to the neighbours if they didn't. 'Six years, I can't believe that,' uttered Mark after a few moments, shoving another sandwich into his mouth.

'I know. Time flies,' Jack said robotically, staring hypnotically at the brick holding his fridge door closed.

'It only feels like yesterday we all used to play X-Factor as kids.' Jack let out a weak chuckle. He had forgotten about that. 'Actually,' Mark said, getting to his feet, 'I have something to show you.'

'Oh?'

'So mam was clearing out the attic. We're getting it converted. I'm sure she'll pin you later to gloat about that.' Jack smirked. She had actually already mentioned it to him that morning outside the church. 'Anyway, she found a bunch of old cassette tapes. The camcorder's broken, but they can digitise them yokes now. Isn't that mad?' He took out his phone and began scrolling through the gallery.

'Oh God, do I even want to see this?'

'Trust me, it's gold Jacko.' He turned his phone to Jack and pressed play. A grainy video began to play. '11/06/04' was written in the corner. It was Jack and his older brother bouncing on Mark's trampoline, lip-syncing as Mark and his two younger sisters watched and waited their turn to perform. Although the sound quality wasn't hectic, Elton John's I'm Still Standing blared in the background.

'Oh my God. We were obsessed with that feckin' song,' Jack said, taking the phone out of Mark's hand and bringing it closer to his face, smiling broadly, 'I can't believe you found this.' I'm Still Standing was his brother's anthem growing up, and by extension, his own. It always reminded him of Mick. It was that one song that always gave him goosebumps, no matter where or when he heard it. It took him years to be able to even listen to it again after his brother's death. He used to cry when it came on. Now he felt a weird nostalgia about it.

'And over to Jackie for the guitar solo!'

His brother's voice called out over the music and he felt a chill down his spine. That was the first time he had heard his brother's voice in six years.