That's three times I've tried to call Taylor to apologise and that's three hang ups, 5 texts and zero replies ...I'm officially pissed off!
I can feel the frustration at not being given the chance to use the excuses I spent all of last night coming up with dragging me into a bad mood, so instead of inflicting myself on my unsuspecting students I decide a pop quiz is definitely the way to go. That way they can quietly get on with it whilst I supervise.
Well, I say 'supervise' and I suppose that technically I am since I am going to be in the same room as them, it's not like I'm running off to France or anything but my attention may be else where as I attempt to come up with a cunning plan to get Taylors email address from a friend and then bombard her account with apologies until she has to pick up the phone, if only to tell me to stop emailing her and that's when I'll drop the 'B' bomb
I never really saw myself as the 'stalking' type, but I have to admit, when it comes to Taylor I'm really getting into it.
Sitting behind my desk at the front of the classroom I warn the class that yes- I do have x-ray vision and I do it in such a serious tone that I swear some of them believe me.
Satisfied with my work I open my laptop and fire it up whilst deciding who will be easiest to fool into giving me Taylors email address without them asking too many Taylor/Hayley related questions.
I'm still puzzling about it as my mind tries to retrace the steps of my new found infatuation with my ex-girlfriend
I mean 10 years is a long time and it's not like I've been sat under a black cloud crying for her every day since she left me.
Yes, in the beginning I was hurt and I'm not too proud to say I cried back then, but once she had gone she pretty much stayed gone and I moved on with my life, found another girlfriend went to university and got my PHD which then started a whole new chapter of my life and it's been going pretty well ever since then
Sure I thought about Taylor from time to time.
My best friends are her best friends too so I'd hear bits and pieces of what she was up to but no body really felt comfortable enough to go into detail about her with me.
My fault, I have to admit I put up some pretty big 'Keep Taylor and any mention of her out' walls.
Until the reunion...
Shawns idea- big dumb idiot that he is, well he's not really big but he's definitely is an idiot.
He thought it would be fun for us to all get together again, since we were now 'scattered throughout the land like precious, multi coloured jewels'- Harrys poetic phrasing, not mine!
Although all of my old friends were going to be there I fully intended to say no, in fact I did say no, I gave Shawn a line about having classes to teach, responsibilities etc, etc, etc and he took it really well, better than I was expecting if I'm being honest and I'd all but forgotten about it until I received a new... revised invitation.
I was cordially invited to attend a reunion of my closest high school friends at the new location of... Toronto, where I live and work, so all of my excuses not to attend were now null and void
Clicking on my email account I decide on Harry as being my best option.
He is the best friend you will ever make in your life, he is 110% loyal and more than 110% committed to never lying. Knowing that no matter what I tell him, he will never betray my trust, I decide to be 90% honest with him.
I click onto my email account and I'm just about to start typing when I feel the gentle vibration of my mobile phone against my leg.
The eternal optimist within me immediately hopes that it's Taylor calling to say she forgives me and my Swiss cheese memory.
Excusing myself whilst also reminding my class that x-ray vision means I can also see through door panelling I hurry out into the corridor.
Pulling my phone from my pocket I'm more than a little disappointed to see that it's only Alessia.
I hope my cheerful greeting disguises my disappointment
"Alessia! Long time no..."
But my cheery greeting is cut off by disappointment its self
"You didn't tell Taylor about you and Hailey!"
Busted!!
For the third time in two days...
I've really got to start telling the truth more!
"That's not true Alessia, I just didnt tell her everything about me and Hailey
"What were you thinking?"
I think about telling the truth... that I wasn't really thinking with my big head, rather my smaller, harder, one and then I panic!
"Did you tell her, does she know?"
I hope it sounded like a casual enquiry but from the long intake of breath I fear I've given myself away
"No, but why didn't you just admit it?"
The truth? I'm surprised when something resembling the truth actually leaves my lips
"I wasn't expecting her call and it just didn't really come up... Much"
I am so going to hell, it came up enough for me to lie and tell her that I was just hanging out with Hailey, I could have just admitted we were dating
Why can't I just be honest with the people I care about most, my oldest friends?
Why do lies and half truths escape me so easily and why don't I feel more guilty about doing it?
"You really should tell her Travis before someone else does, its not fair to her or Hailey!"
Now I feel like my students must when I'm lecturing them about doing the right thing
"Taylor won't talk to me because I didn't call her when I said I would, how am I supposed to tell her anything? ...I don't suppose you could put a good word in for me, tell her I was ill or... abducted by aliens maybe"
I hear the hope in my own voice and the excitement that's sparking in my stomach tells me I really need to spend some time becoming better acquainted with the truth about this situation I've found myself in.
"Why don't you tell me what really happened and then I'll decide if I'm on your side or not"
The truth...?
Um...
