Now standing a few yards away from Taylor, I grip my wine glass fiercely and beg my senses for calm.
My offer...
The one that causes guilt to burn in my soul every time I look at Hailey...
I can't believe she's is bringing it up now, I haven't had nearly enough alcohol for this...
For so long I have hidden from all thoughts of what happened, buried the memories so deep that there have been times when I've wondered if it really even happened at all but just the sound of the word crossing Taylors lips has begun the unravelling of almost a decades worth of confusion.
She regrets saying no... after all these years I've spent regretting asking
Images of my most shameful and desperate night rip through my mind and for a second I'm consumed by the emotional pain that wounded me far more than any physical pain ever could.
The betrayal...
The rejection...
"Travis..."
Even Taylors voice isn't enough to pull me free of the tangled memories that now have hold of me like a vice around my throat
I see myself... young, and grappling with things I couldn't make sense of.
Harry and Taylor were back in town, I should have been happy but I'd never felt more torn or tormented in my life.
It was late... the welcome home meal was finished, everyone had gone home but I found myself walking, I didn't know where I was going or why, all I knew was I couldn't stand still, I couldn't give my self time to think because if I thought then I knew without doubt I would fall apart
It was dark, and I could smell the dampness in the night air as I walked silently through the city park, without knowing it I found myself standing on the spot where my life had truly begun and realised that I wasn't alone.
Taylor wasn't surprised to see me and I wasn't surprised to see her. It was the first time we'd been alone since I stood with her at the airport just after Christmas, that was less than a year before but the memory of it had burned as brightly as yesterday
We exchanged pleasantries, and shared a forced laugh about how much Niall ate at dinner. It was all very civilised as we tried everything in our power to ignore the subject that is burning in my eyes and weighing on her mind that is until she bowed her head and informed me that she was going to be leaving first thing in the morning, that's when it all changed, that's when I became a desperate man
Stepping closer I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her to me, it wasn't an aggressive gesture but I saw an emotion in her eyes that I didn't recognise and it had served to remind me of how quickly she was slipping away from me
I felt my heart hammering in my chest as panic tore through me, I couldn't bare the thought of her walking out of my life again, the fear screamed in my ear that this time it could be for good so I began begging her not to leave me, I promised her that I would do better, I'd leave Hailey and I'd graduate and then move to where ever she was, I told her we could be together just like we had always wanted, we could travel to Europe as we'd planned if only she'd take me back.
