Standing before my mirror I carefully examine my handiwork and I have to admit, I look good!
This last week has been more horrendously awful than almost any other that I've had to endure, but tonight I'm wearing the highest heels that I can safely manoeuvre in without fear of unscheduled humiliation and a dress that's short, but not short enough to condemn me to the 'ladies of dubious professions' table... Travis Kelce would beg at my feet if he could see me, that I'm sure of
I cringe as his name slides so easily through my mind, I'm supposed to be in the process of 'getting over' him for the second time so thoughts like this... really aren't helping
I mean, it's not like I seriously thought anything could happen at the reunion, as I remember all I was hoping for was that he would talk to me, which he did... after the initial yelling, then I found myself hoping he would dance with me... which he did, and then hold me... which he did and by the time I went back to my room that night I found my head filled with all kinds of ridiculous thoughts and unfortunately, I haven't been able to shake them since.
If I thought ten years was long enough for time and distance to dampen my feelings for Shawn I was dead wrong. Instead, it feels like I've spent ten years drizzling petrol onto a bonfire and one encounter has been all it's taken for my entire being to go up in flames
I take a second to clear my mind and then replace all thoughts of him with all the possibilities a night out with Eva might bring.
For ages we've been saying that we would do this, but what with work, and then the reunion, and then all the drama at work after the reunion, there just hasn't been a good time, but as I apply my first coat of clear lips gloss I get the feeling that tonight- will be a good time, and then my eyes catch sight of the discarded photograph laying next to a white envelope on my bed and I actually 'huff' out loud
Stupid reunion!
Stupid Shawn for thinking it would be a good idea
Stupid me for going
And stupid, stupid Travis for turning up
Plopping myself down onto the duvet I pick up the photo that Alissia thought I just had to see, it's of Travis and I at the reunion, and yes, I kind of do agree with her when she says we still make a good looking couple, unfortunately, there's a hell of a difference between looking good, and being good.
Travis and I love each other, but we hurt each other, it never works,.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
...But oh so pretty...
I trace Travis' grinning outline with my French manicured nail and find myself grinning back at him
Stupid Alessia!
Stupid photo!
Pouting, I curse God for making him so perfectly
His brown hair falls perfectly over his forehead
His green eyes are the perfect way to drown
His gorgeous, full lips are the perfect things to kiss...
And that suit...
My 'inner cave-girl' roars but I know this is getting me nowhere. He's hundreds of miles away, living a life that has no place for me, and yet does somehow have space for Hailey. Although I am yet to determine how big of a place she is occupying in his life right now because Alessia is playing dumb and Harry no longer knows of anyone by the name Travis Kelce, although he does seem to remember he had a 'Dr. Kelce' once, right about third grade... go figure!
Stupid replacement girl!
...Stupid friends!
Dropping the photo back onto my bed I return to the dressing table and begin applying lip gloss layer number 2.
My heart feels a heaviness I was hoping to avoid tonight but smacking my lips together I wonder what the hell I'm doing in here reminiscing when I should be out there, forgetting
A HOTEL ROOM
Slamming the door behind me and then throwing my bag onto the floor I- I actually growl! I've just endured the most horrific flight of my life and now I'm trying to decide whether to shower first or burn my clothing
I'm 6'4 so as you can imagine, folding myself into the tiny space you're allocated on an aircraft isn't the most easy or comfortable thing for me to do, but couple that with being sat next to a woman who feels the need to stroke your arm or your leg every time she talks to you and you'll start to realise why, at 4:30 pm I'm heading straight for the mini bar
I can't believe I have 2 days of this to endure!
I thought reminding her... about a hundred times that I have a girlfriend would curb her enthusiasm for touching me but apparently not
Pouring myself a beer I begin to wonder what the hell I'm doing here in the first place
I didn't want to come, I told Principal Cartwright right from the start that I'm not one of lifes 'networkers' but then she seduced me with talk of New York, playing with my eternal 'interest' in Taylor... but it turns out that I can't even see her!
I can't believe I made that stupid promise.
I know I'm just giving in to Haileys insecurities, I know I should have been more of a man and just told her that Taylor is my friend and if I want to go for coffee I will, but the guilt I still carry from all of those years ago causes me to continuously give in and back down over
Sitting on the edge of my bed I rest my head in my hands and sigh at the complexities of life
Up until the reunion I hadn't seen Taylor in ten years and I wonder how many times my guilt over Hailey stopped me picking up the phone and calling her, how many times it caused me to back out of arrangements I'd made with my friends when I heard she was going to be there.
There was a time when the only emotions I felt regarding Taylor and my relationship with her were good ones, sappy ones even, but now I find myself tangled in guilt, and confusion and eternal longing, but when I started dating Hailey again I made a commitment to her and a promise to myself that I would never walk the broken road I walked in my teens
The sound of bony knuckles tapping at my door jolts me from my heavy thoughts and I immediately know who it is
Should I ignore her?
I consider throwing myself through the hotel window and taking my chances with the 10 floor drop rather than subjecting myself to another pawing but then I decide to take the course of action that had lead me into this situation... I lie!
"Who is it?"
Like I don't already know
"It's Alicia" she coos
"Sorry, I can't open the door right now, I'm just out of the shower"
It's out of my mouth before I realise the images I've just given her and I silently berate myself for being so dense at times
The 30 second silence that follows is the longest, most uncomfortable of my life
"I don't mind if you don't"
My stomach turns as I actually consider being sick on the spot...
"...actually I do. What was it you wanted?"
"Just to let you know that I've made dinner reservations for tonight, the cab will be here at 7 so I'll meet you in the lobby "
I explain that it was a nice thought but I'm exhausted after the flight, I tell her I'm just going to order room service but the silence tells me she had the sense to drop the news and run
Opening the beer bottle in my hand I wonder how the hell I'm going to last two days with 'Creepy Cartwright', and then I realise that my bigger concern should be how I'm going to last 2 days without breaking my promise to Hailey
