The Other Torres | A Star Trek Fanfiction *Book 1*

Meld-Chapter 73

[Brig]

"I did not hear you come in, Lieutenant." said Suder.

"How are you feeling?" Tuvok asked.

"Centred." Suder said.

"Don't be misled. Your violent instincts still exist. You are simply suppressing them as Vulcans do." said Tuvok.

"I can feel the difference. It is almost as if I can observe the violence inside me without letting it get too close. It is quite remarkable what you Vulcans have learnt to do." Suder comments.

"Understand that this will not be a permanent change unless you commit to a strict daily regime of meditation and mental exercise. I also believe that a series of holodeck programmes designed to allow your violent tendencies to be released in a safe environment may help to purge your aggressive impulses." Tuvok explained.

"Holographic violence does not give the same sensation as the real thing. I've tried it." Suder said.

"Has anyone ever suggested targeted neurosynaptic therapy?" Tuvok asked.

"That didn't work either." said Suder.

"Our Doctor is programmed with the medical knowledge of every Federation world. Perhaps he'll know of some treatment you haven't tried." said Tuvok.

"Since the meld, I feel capable of controlling myself. Perhaps with your help I can learn to stay this way. It must be difficult for you." said Suder.

"Difficult?" Tuvok asked.

"Knowing violence as I've known it." said Suder.

"I have studied violence for over a hundred years." said Tuvok.

"Studying it and knowing it are two different things, aren't they. It's attractive, isn't it?" Suder asked.

"Attractive?" Tuvok asked.

"Violence." Suder specified.

"On the contrary. I find it disturbing." Tuvok said.

"You're right, it is disturbing, never knowing when that impulse may come or whether or not you can control it when it does. You live on the edge of every moment, and yet, in it's own way, violence is attractive, too. Maybe because it doesn't require logic. Perhaps that's why it's so liberating. Ironic, isn't it, that I can share with you of all people what I have hidden from everyone all my life. Can we do it again, Tuvok?" Suder asked.

"Again?" Tuvok repeated.

"Meld." said Suder specifying what he wanted.

"That would not be advisable." Tuvok warned.

"I understand. Really, I do. I've thought about it a lot. In a way, a mind meld is almost an act of violence, isn't it." said Suder.

"I don't understand why you--" Tuvok was confused.

"Penetration. Your will dissolving mine. The joining. It seems to me that a mind meld might be fatal if you lost control." said Suder.

[Amanda's quarters]

"Gambling? Are you serious? What were you thinking? Oh wait you weren't." Amanda huffed, Tom grimaced.

"I--" Tom began but couldn't think of an excuse, he had been told by Tuvok and Janeway to put on a good show to flush out the spy, but it meant keeping it secret.

"I'll be back." Tom said.

"What? Where are you--" Tom was out the door before Amanda could even ask.

"Seriously?" Amanda asked herself.