To Be Loved // Masters of the Air

7: Rumors

The mission you'd sobered up for turned out completely fine, unlike what's been going around the base with you the first to find out. You'd heard most of them, even when Cleven and Egan hadn't yet. Rumors were spreading like wildfire.

It was 22:35 as you walked into the barracks with Biddick by your side, you'd both talked about what rumors were being said beforehand as he gave his advice. Egan and Cleven had been playing a game of cards when you entered, the barracks empty except for the four of you. When they'd seen you come in with Biddick, the two already knew something weird was up by the side glance Cleven gave you after noticing you two walk in.

"They're gonna find out one way or another eventually, even if you're not the one to tell them."

"I don't need them knowing, not right now. I'll be fine, Curt."

You give him a saddened smile as you lean in to hug him, receiving one back. Both of them see the upset look you held as you kept yourself together, hugging Biddick. Even when you moved away from him to say goodbye and made your way over to them sitting at their table, you didn't hide it very well. It was an obvious problem that made itself known, and they both gave each other a silent nod of agreement to find out what was bothering you. When you go to plop down next to Cleven, you lean on his side as you see what they're doing.

"Oh sweet, you guys are playing. Can I join?"

You asked to join in on their game of cards, hoping it would take your mind off of what's been spiraling out of control, especially yourself knowing you didn't like to play cards. It was a form of escape at the moment, eager to join in on their game.

"Yeah, but you don't sound okay. Are you sure you want to play? We can pause if you don't feel yourself." As Egan spoke up, you waved your hands dramatically back n' forth. Cleven was silent as he put his arm around you, rubbing your shoulder.

"No, it's fine. Really." You emphasized the last part, hoping they didn't see too much into it.

"Alright, as long as you're sure about it then." Cleven shrugged his shoulders, starting to deal cards to you and Egan. As you received your cards, you could notice them both looking at you with something on their minds, though they'd tried their best to hide it especially now that you'd join in to play cards with them.

Your eyes dart to them both and you narrow your eyes in suspicion. "You guys are looking at me like I'm in trouble."

Cleven clears his throat, deciding for the moment to be upfront and direct with you.

"You're normally not one to play a game of cards, let alone be eager to join. We're just worried there's something you're not speaking up about."

Obviously the rumors were bothering you from the way you displayed a certain attitude to them, but you didn't want them to get involved or realize what they'd truly been about. You knew it was better to let it go over your head then get too much into it.

"Just drop it, it's nothing."

Egan couldn't help but raise his eyebrows from your response, knowing neither him nor Buck would stop pushing until you opened up.

"Clearly it isn't nothing with the way you're acting. What's really going on?"

With your eyes focusing on shuffling your cards and picking which ones to set down, you ignore his question with an anxious feeling tugging at your heart. The tension in the room grew a little thicker as the frustration settled in, trying to act like nothing was affecting you.

A side-glance to them both, you let go of the breaths you'd been holding in.

"I just don't want you two involved when I've got it handled. You have enough on your plates as it is, and some stupid problem is just another silly thing to add on."

Cleven looked back to his cards after you responded with a bit of a frown on his face from the worry that he felt for you. He was more patient than Egan was, who took it into his own hands.

"So you just want to suffer through whatever's bothering you solo? I don't like the sound of that."

"I've done it before, I can do it again."

Egan bit his lip as he gave a short laugh to your reply to his, your unwillingness to talk about this with them when all they wanted to do was fight for you.

"That doesn't mean you should do it again," and with that he threw the cards down onto the table to stand up, stepping closer to you to change his approach at this point since yelling at you did nothing the first time.

"You keep wanting to suffer alone and it drives me crazy. You always say you're going to be fine when there's always something wrong. You keep hurting yourself by doing this and that's what I hate the most about what you do."

You wince as you grimace, lost for words. It was true, but you learned to figure situations out on your own, not wanting to be a burden. Forced to figure it out on your own. You always had.

"That's all I've known. To fend for myself. I haven't gotten used to people wanting to be around me, let alone to help."

It clicked for Egan as he realized. You had your walls up the first moment they'd met you at the airbase. You were so difficult to break down and smash the walls you've guarded up for so long. His expression falls as he brings his hand to hold your chin, tilting your head up to look into his eyes before letting go.

"Buck and I care about you more than you know. We're not going to let you suffer through this alone when we're both right here for you."

The feeling of comfort warmed your heart at the gesture and you heaved a sigh. "I've just been hearing rumors around the base."

"What rumors of these bothered you enough to the point that you were being all vague with us? What caused them?" Egan and Cleven both glanced at each other, their brows furrowed.

"Our relationship."

You could see how they both looked as soon as you said that, which didn't make sense to them for a second. Seeing the confusion on their faces, you huff and fumble with your fingers as a distraction.

"I've been hearing that I'm sleeping with you both for attention. That I'm a whore who'll sleep with the next few men that come along who show interest. How I'm using you. Rumors."

Cleven's face dropped immediately after you finished talking, biting his tongue to stop himself from asking why on earth men had been saying these sort of things, especially how it was getting back to you. He knew what you meant by your relationship. A part of them both had been a cause of these rumors.

"You're not any of those things, I promise you that with complete certainty."

"But what if I am a whore? I'm with you both, the outside world simply sees that as a woman who can't choose." You'd gone through every little scenario in your head, over and over again as you began contradicting yourself.

A relationship can be complicated, specially when you're sharing a partner, but they both knew you weren't anything that those rumors were whispering about.

"Just because people may see it like that doesn't mean it should be like that for you. You're a damn good woman." With a smile making its way onto your face, you stand up with a small apology towards the both of them.

"I'm sorry for keeping this from you both." A mumble and a step towards them your throat tightens, heart thumping in your chest.

"Let me make it up to you."