To Be Loved // Masters of the Air

22: Back Without Him

October 9th.

Left no time to spare when the both of you arrived at the base taking no later than a day to get back. Egan explained how he wanted to be right on top of the next mission, wanting a part of it and how you explained you'd join in too. How you couldn't let Cleven's absence cause you to sit out from any missions then on, forcing yourself to be alright and doing everything in your power to stay afloat.

The smell of smokes as you watch through the glass window from the plane's co-pilot chair wafts past your eyes, into your space bubble as you turn to Egan. Watching as he puffs a cigarette with his face blank with the cigarette smoke hanging in the air.

Egan's blank expression matched the thoughts swirling inside his head, like how the cigarette between his fingers held a deeper meaning than just a tool to calm down his nerves. The ashy taste that covered his tongue only became a reminder of a bittersweet memory he could no longer relive. The shared smokes with Buck.

The two of you were silent for a while, the only sound from inhales and exhales of the smoke. Neither of you felt the urge to speak, trying to relish in the moments where it felt like Cleven was here with you. Except for the fact he wasn't in your grasp anymore. Somewhere over the sea, or shriveled up underneath the dirt.

Only then did you feel the need to speak after thinking of Gale. Having the feeling that he could be out there, not giving up on him until you were certain. The questions rolled off your tongue before you had the chance to take them back. "What if Cleven's still out there? What if we don't find him on our next mission and he really is gone."

Egan kept quiet for another moment, your questions adding another weight onto his already burdened chest with the fears inside his stomach that continued to grow second by second. The thought of 'what ifs' being the most terrifying. An exhale with a breath of smoke left him, a small whisper escaping his lips. "I don't know."

"Buck's not one to go down swinging without a fight. I know for a fact.." Belief was all you had left as you tried to stay hopeful, even with how obvious the turn of events happened for Cleven. But a part of you still held a shrivel of hope left close to your heart. "You're hoping that Buck found a way to slip in and out of that crash, that there's still a chance of him alive?"

Egan held onto that same hopeful feeling you held onto as he asked, his voice filling with a nerve wracking breath as if the uncertainty of the fate ahead of you two started getting the better of him. "That's the thing. I'm only hoping. I wish I really knew."

"So do I." His voice grew weak as he spoke, his hands beginning to tighten at his side. The words that left his lips slowly, his mind starting to imagine all of the different ways this mission could go sideways. Completely wrong.

All the ways the men he was in the skies with could disappear forever and leave nobody left for him behind. How would he even live if that were the case. How would he even be able to keep going without Buck? Without his best friend?

With a sip of alcohol, it starts to help soften the pain of the situation before Egan as he hands the bottle to you next, getting lost in the moment. At first, you thought about declining but there was no point. You grasp the bottle as you take a swig too, not realizing a voice had called out to you both from outside, forcing you back to being in the present.

"Hello?" The voice of Lemmons sounds out, yourself glancing at Egan as he gives a reply back to Ken. "Just us, Kenny."

"Major? Colonel Harding's looking for you." Lemmons continues from down below, Egan looking at you before he sighs. Harding wanted to talk to him about their next assignment, one that Egan was going to be a part of and one that would determine his fate. Setting the bottle to the side without another glance to you, he stands up to stretch out. "Yeah. I should go take care of this."