Hear me Roar - English version

CHAPTER 29 - That seems fair

               I was announced this morning that Tyrion had awakened. Apparently, he had already opened his eyes once but had fallen back almost immediately into a deep sleep. I was able to visit him, when Maester Pycelle authorized me to do so, and read him a few verses, hoping he would hear me in his dreams.

               A bandage covers half his face. I want the first thing he sees with his two eyes to be my red velvet dress and my smile. I head to his apartments, therefore, accompanied by Arrow. Tyrion no longer being Hand of the King, he has been relegated to a smaller, darker room... another victory for Cersei.

               Already there are Varys, Pod, and... Shae. The young woman is sitting at his bedside. I feel as though I have arrived at the wrong moment in a room where no one wants me. I was too preoccupied with my own problems to see what was nevertheless obvious to everyone else: that the dwarf's attentions toward me were only friendly because he loves Shae, my friend.

               Lying in his bed, Tyrion looks me straight in the eyes. Does he know? Yes... obviously. He is the most intelligent man I have ever had the privilege to meet.

               Without further delay, I leave the room and start to run. I cross the entire castle to ensure I am as far away as possible from Tyrion and Shae. I enter the Throne Room and begin to scream at the top of my lungs. What a stupid little idiot! How could I have missed that?

               In the Throne Room, the minutes turned into hours while my tears flow onto the beige flagstones. I don't have the strength to pull myself up. I have no desire for anything anymore. Moreover, when the door opens behind my back, I do not move.

               I hear whispers, then footsteps. The person stops right beside me. I raise my head slowly. Cautiously. I am afraid I will be punished for my volatility.

"Get up. We wouldn't want one of those high-society pests to find you here."

"Bronn?"

"The king sent me," he says, pointing toward the door with his chin.

               I follow his gaze. Joffrey stands there. He looks like a child; he is afraid to approach me. Perhaps he thinks I will end up biting him. He is right. However, even if Joffrey is not capable of doing it himself, he is watching over me.

♐︎

               There is one thing I have not told you, for I am not proud of it. Today, however, it happens that I can no longer hide it. Neither from you, nor from my handmaiden who holds my hair back whilst I reteach into my chamber pot. This is the third morning in a row that I have awoken with nausea.

               To tell you the whole truth, I never drank the contraceptive tea brought to me after my assault. I spent that entire night staring at the cup, unable to come to a decision. When dawn broke and a maid entered to dress me, I rid myself of the liquid by tipping it out of the window.

               Why? you might ask. Well, firstly because on that night, Joffrey was the only one to penetrate me. Trant's abuses remained external. It was in his best interest not to mar me too badly, or he would have ended up with his head on a spike. Cruel irony.

               Secondly, because Varys is right. This child represents a major asset in this war, and for my survival in general. The Lannisters will use it, of that I am certain. But it will guarantee that I live.

               Joffrey knows nothing of it yet. Though he is the father, I must discuss this matter with someone of far greater consequence: Tywin Lannister.